Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Oh, my God.
Chapter 2: What are Brian and Krissy's thoughts on Travis and Taylor's wedding?
Travis and Taylor finally tying the knot. How exciting. Honestly, I was hoping it would work out the entire time. As a guy who lives with a house full of Swifties, I can tell you that never have I been more excited to be a guy who lives in a house full of Swifties. I mean, what more could you ask for? Honestly.
Chapter 3: How do Brian and Krissy feel about the excitement around Taylor Swift?
Hello. Hello. How are you? Oh, I'm your wallet, and I'm so excited, too. Well, I'm trying to make a reel here. I get it. I understand.
I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to remind you that Taylor and Travis are getting married, and there's going to be posters and T-shirts and double albums and streaming and pay-per-view weddings and Time magazine and People magazine and shoes and jingle jangles and wristbands. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to get such a workout. You better ask for that increase in credits. You're welcome.
Thanks. I'll be back real soon, I'm sure. On this episode of The Commercial Break. The Jamie Kern Lima Show podcast. Okay. All right. That's not confusing enough. Also a guest shark on Shark Tank, best-selling author and founder of It Cosmetics. Okay. Her voice. Pretty big.
Now, a lot of people have said this about me too, so I'm not throwing stones in a glass house, but her voice drives me crazy. It is a valley girl with all of that. What do they call that? Throat, whatever it is. Building their confidence and their self-esteem, a word that I use a lot with them is yet. You know, and how to reframe things for a kid when they're like, I can't do it.
I can't do it yet. Mmm. No, I'm not. Mmm. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Oatley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Good to have you back in studio. Yes.
After a little absence, short week last week, little absence, my wife was very upset with me because yesterday I mentioned that we had MRSA running around the house. And she said, what will all the people at the school think? And I said, we're covered in open wounds. What do you think they think? We have leprosy. No, I'm kidding. It's all done. It's all gone. We're all good.
We've now recovered from our bout with staph and encephalitis and staph infection. Gosh, you guys had it bad. We did. It was kind of a perfect storm. I think we might have picked it up at Disney and then got worse when we went down to South Florida in 107 degree heat with 99.9% humidity. Yeah, nothing grows there. Nothing. Not a thing. No kind of viruses.
I had property in Florida because somebody else that I knew was rich and paid for it. And I was in charge of managing it. Not because I was like some big, you know, real estate mogul. But for a short period of time, I had real estate down in Florida. And the things you would have to do to even the inside of the property to ensure that...
literal dinosaur fungus would not grow on the inside of your toilet was amazing. You were constantly using harsh chemicals to ensure you couldn't open the door. Like, it was a whole thing. So, yes, South Florida is full of flora and fungi, if you will. Flora, fauna, and fungi, Chrissy. But I'm happy to report that it's all gone. Yes, the three Fs. The fucking, the fighting, and the forgetting.
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Chapter 4: What health challenges did Brian's family face recently?
But I think I was a pretty sharp tool. I think I understood that. Right. Right. morning we fell asleep on the pizza and pixie uh stick covered you know beds and then woke up in the morning thinking hopped up on all that sugar that's what i think it was i think it was just a sugar high and the sugar will give the kids a high that's for sure oh yeah
But I dreaded nothing, nothing more than a parent-teacher conference night. I dreaded it because I wasn't the best student academically. I didn't apply myself. I very rarely did my homework, if ever. And the teachers, while I always felt like I had some kind of relationship with the teachers. See, I like to make the students laugh, and then I like to make the teachers laugh, too.
So I think they thought I was a friendly kid. But, you know, parents only suffer so much bullshit like adults only suffer so much bullshit from kids. Like, I know my kid will avoid brushing his teeth all night long if he can just have a conversation with me about Disney or he can make me laugh or he can point out something that he's done. But I see right through it. I see what you're doing.
That's right. You're avoiding your responsibility of brushing your teeth. So eventually the suffering of the bullshit, they will suffer no more. And so I just remember that distinct feeling of dread when my parents would say, so-and-so is coming to babysit you because it's parent-teacher conference night.
And then I always knew there was going to be a lecture after they got home, shortly after they got home, after the babysitter was shuffled off back to her house and my dad came in the door. I knew it was going to be a sit down conversation. And it happened almost exclusively every time after fourth or fifth grade.
By the time I got to high school, I don't even think my dad bothered showing up at any more parent-teacher conference meetings. I think he felt like, why am I taking this shit? Why am I responsible for this? He's a grown man. Let him do his own thing. I don't really remember them in high school. Yeah. Maybe. Oh, maybe that was just my parents being called in individually.
Maybe that was just my dad being called in individually. I do remember my parents being called in. There was a particular time that stands out. I think I've told this story. Maybe I haven't. I'll share it in case I haven't. I was a freshman. I had a English teacher, like a English literature teacher. She was on the younger side. I still remember her name.
I won't give it here, but she was on the younger side. So maybe she was in her 20s. And she wasn't like, you know, hot for teacher kind of hot, but she was one of the younger teachers at a Catholic school. And so I think some of the guys thought that she was attractive and she was friendly with some of the girls. She was like the cool teacher. Yeah, she was the cool teacher.
And I remember me and this teacher had a connection. I think she gave a shit about me. I think she knew that my home life was a little bit troubled at the time. She reached out. She tried to help. I remember a couple of different occasions when there were outside school activities where she would be like a football game or there was a waffle.
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Chapter 5: What are the differences in school activities now compared to the past?
Yeah. Yeah, that was one of those things. That's right. And so there was a disciplinary officer. That was like her job was to run around. And she was like a former nun. Her job was to run around. Making people miserable, essentially. I remember her name, too. And she was universally disliked by everybody at the school. Of course she was.
But especially universally disliked by the troublemaking crowd, of which I was a part. Your crew. That's right, by my crew. She had eyes on us all the time. We all the time. She would... go to cars and look for packs of cigarettes is what she would do. Wow. Even though it was not particularly uncommon. This is how old I am.
It was not particularly uncommon at that time for high school students to smoke cigarettes. Oh, no. I remember smoking happening in the bathroom and stuff like that. At our campus, at our high school campus, the year before we got there was the year that they banned smoking in
Chapter 6: Why do parents have to attend so many meetings at the beginning of the school year?
On campus. They had long time ago banned smoking inside the building. Yeah. But the students could still go outside into the common area or outside into the front of the school outside the front of the school and smoke cigarettes.
So my freshman and sometimes in my sophomore year, you could still find people out in the lawn in the front of the school smoking cigarettes, the seniors and the juniors. I think the seniors got an exemption. They were smoking cigarettes. But all of us smoked cigarettes. Everybody smoked cigarettes. It seemed like at some point or another.
But because you could not smoke them on the campus anymore, if you were smoking in your car, then you could get a demerit. And I remember that lady walking around our cars trying to see if she could find cigarette boxes, you know, boxes of cigarettes. So she could potentially give us a demerit. Give a demerit. Fucker. I mean, honestly. Well, I guess it was her job. It was her job.
So I don't have to worry about any of that. None of my kids are over the age of, you know, eight. So I'm not worried about that quite yet. But I'm already at parent-teacher conferences where I don't particularly know what we're talking about the first day of school. What are we doing? Is it just to kind of set up what is going to happen?
This is very much both the schools that all the children attend.
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Chapter 7: What humorous experiences did Brian have during parent-teacher conferences?
There's two different schools because they're in two different age groups. They have a very family feel to them. And so everyone is very involved. And I like that. I think that's very important. It's something I did not have with my parents. The schools I went to were not like that. They didn't have class moms. They didn't have any of that stuff, right? They have room mothers.
The PTA wasn't a non-existent. Parents would just sometimes get together in groups and do stuff for fall festival or whatever. But very few of those things happened either. But at one particular school that some of my children go to, it's like every weekend there's a different thing. We went... So it's a half week, right? It's the start. It's a half week. You have one day as orientation.
You got to ease them back in. Ease them back in. Then the next day they go to school, but it's a fun day and they're there and they're figuring out their classrooms. They're not really doing much. And then the next day is a full day of school and they're kind of getting used to any new classrooms, new teachers, new students. Everyone's having a good time saying hello to each other.
And in those three days, the parents have like three different things to attend. But then on Friday night, there is a picnic, like a family picnic. All these grades come and we're going to put out a huge inflatable water slide, bouncy houses, bouncy houses. We're going to cook hot dogs. We're going to have food, games, activities. The teachers are going to paint faces.
We're going to play music and all the kids are just going to go out there and party. And my kid, one of my kids comes home super excited about this. Yeah. But I'm clueless because I don't. Do you think Brian pays attention to that calendar? No, he does not. But he's like, we have to go. We have to go. And I think to myself, what are we talking about?
I don't know anything about a family fun night. I have plans. I have to put you to bed. I have to put you to bed. How could we? This is bedtime. How can we do this? But we go, and it's like a ton. The kids are fucking having such a great time. They're out there in the mud and the grass and riding down this water slide that's full of additional salmonella and encephalitis.
And eating hot dogs and getting their faces painted and running around with their friends. And I just think to myself, this was not... My education. This was not my experience as a child.
And if I had had even a touch of this, like where my parents came to the school and they were involved in family fun night and painting faces and having hot dogs and going down water slides, that maybe I would have enjoyed school a little bit more. Maybe it would have been something I actually would have looked forward to attending. Absolutely. I remember my mom was involved.
She was like room mother once or twice, and she'd put together things. And yeah, there was PTA. There was a lot of stuff. My dad wasn't that involved, but my mom was. Yeah, but your dad was working, right? He was, and there were three girls, and yeah, it was a lot. So your mom was a part of the school. She was like in touch. She was there. She was in touch, yeah.
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