Chapter 1: What happens when kids get sunburned during vacation?
On this episode of the commercial break. And then I look at my other kid and they have like Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer cheeks. And then I look at my third youngest child and she looks like she is in distress. It looks like an emergency. That's what it looks like. And so I'm like, okay, kids, wrap it up. Let's go. Let's get out of here. She's like, well, we'll just put some sunscreen on them.
I'm like, it's too late now, hon. The damage is done. We better go. And they're going to be fried. They've been swimming in a pool for three fucking hours. Now they're sunburned. Now we've eaten. They're going to be fried. And we got a rehearsal dinner tonight in like three hours. We got to get them upstairs and magically to bed somehow, some way. Good nap. Yeah.
So we did magically got them to bed with melatonin. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Crane, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there on the podcast and streaming audience. Thanks for joining us.
Day late and dollars short, as they say. That's okay. That's okay. I was at a wedding over the weekend, so it took me a second to get back into the swing of things. You know how it goes. I had drinks for the first time in a long time. Good. A little champagne? A little gin and tonic. Okay. A little G&T. A little G&T. A little G&T. A little T&T, if you will. A 10 grand tonic.
I'll take a little T&T. Yes. Which immediately made me sleepy, gave me a headache, and reminded me of why I don't do much drinking anymore. Your body was like, no, no, no, no.
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Chapter 2: How do parents manage children at a wedding rehearsal?
Yeah, no, no, no, no. And when you go so long without doing something, it's going to take you a minute to get back up to speed. But that is not a race I'm looking to run right now, at least. No. I got those three kids running around, but they were lovely, lovely, lovely at the wedding. They did so good. I saw the picture. It was so cute. I know.
Everyone just telling us how lovely and well behaved they are. And Astrid and I looking at each other like, which children are they referring to? But they're all drunk. They were all, not the kids, the people. So they were all drunk. And so I figured, well, you know, they look well-behaved from those rosy-colored glasses you're wearing. But they were dancing on the dance floor.
They had a great time. This was a knockout weekend for the kids. For Astrid and I, it was a lot of work because, you know, you got the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding. Everyone's got to get ready. And it happened to be one of the more beautiful... Oh, perfect. So it's no deeper than three and a half feet. And it's huge. So you can just let the kids go in there and swim.
And so that's what we did. When we got there on Friday night, we immediately went to the hotel room and went to bed. Everyone was downstairs in the lobby drinking. And Astrid and I looked at each other. We're like, no. These kids need to go to bed. Let's start off on the right foot. Yeah, we rolled in about 10 o'clock. It was a little late. And so the kids were getting way wound up.
They hadn't slept at all in the car. So I was like, let's get them some food and then let's get to bed, which is what we did. Woke up early the next day and said, let's hit the pool. Let's go down there and grab some chairs before they get taken. Very busy weekend on the island. Spring break. Oh, yeah. Big car show down there that they do every year.
Christie's does this big car show, like antique car auction. Yeah, I was going to say old cars. Yeah, it's live on TV. It's the whole nine yards. It's thousands and thousands of cars. Some of those cars are really cool. They were driving around the beach.
A lot of traffic on the island, but they were driving around the beach all weekend or being towed by golf carts because some of them don't even run. We saw like an old experimental racing car, the kind that would drive on the salt flats with the jet engines on the back. Being towed around the island. Actually, we saw it. We were stuck behind it trying to get some fucking breakfast.
It took us only six and a half hours because we had to go the speed of a slow golf cart. But it was cool looking at the car for a minute, and then I got frustrated and started yelling at the car. Anyway. We get up, we go down, we have breakfast, we get back to the hotel, we run down to the pool and grab primo chairs, and everyone's having a good time. This is about 10 o'clock in the morning.
Nice, that's a great time to get out there with the kids. But it had rained the night before, and there was a deep, heavy fog sitting on the ocean, and we're right next to the ocean, so it was foggy, right? And so we didn't think much of it. And by the time we got lunch, which was like one o'clock in the afternoon, I looked at one of my kids and I was like, oh, shit.
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Chapter 3: What unexpected challenges arise during a family trip?
That's what it looks like. And so I'm like, okay, kids, wrap it up. Let's go. Let's get out of here. She's like, well, we'll just put some sunscreen on them. I'm like, it's too late now, hon. The damage is done. We better go. And they're going to be fried. They've been swimming in a pool for three fucking hours. Now they're sunburned. Now we've eaten. They're going to be fried.
And we got a rehearsal dinner tonight in like three hours. We got to get them upstairs and magically to bed somehow, some way. Good nap. Yeah. So we did magically got them to bed with melatonin. So everyone took a nap. That felt good. But I think they would have gone to sleep anyway. They were just wasted. Yeah, that sun time tiredness. Think about when you were a kid.
And you're running around the beach, the pool, and it's sunny. And it's 1989 and no one knows what sunscreen is. And you're sun-kissed and fried and burnt. And all it takes is just a couple of ā A couple of wonderful hours in the sun and you're ready to sleep the day away. Oh, yeah. And wake up with the covers stuck to your skin. That's how it goes.
And the nice cool air conditioning and like a fan maybe blowing. And one sheet over you. Uh-huh. And manage to get stuck because now you're sweating profusely because your body is desperately sounding an alarm that you've had a fourth degree burn. So I woke up to go to the rehearsal, and I started smathering lotion all over the children, giving them Advil.
I'm like, okay, kids, this is what's called a sunburner. It's not going to be fun. It's not going to be fun, kids. But they did great. They did great. And then rinse and repeat the next day. We remembered to put on sunscreen the next day. But they were great. Everyone was wonderful. It's like a high school reunion. My twin brother got married. He's got a lot of friends still from high school.
That's what you were saying. And credit to him. Credit to him having these friends for all of these years. And when I see them, they are my friends also. I don't keep up with them like Kevin does. But, you know, no time is lost when we're together. Like, we jump right back into it. They're all lovely people. And Kevin asked me if I would give a toast at the rehearsal dinner.
And so I thought about it long and hard and I was like, I could go one of two directions here. I could go, I go one of three directions. I could just rip off, rip off the cuff, see what the vibe, the room and rip off the cuff. This is what I do.
I can make it an episode of the commercial break, essentially throw in a few punches, you know, make a couple funnies and then see if I can jerk a tear out of Kevin, something like that. Number two is I could write something so I keep it under control, right, so that I have a framework to go.
Or number three, I could just give a really short wedding toast, you know, cheers to the bride and the groom, congratulations on being, you know, on loving, whatever. You know how it goes. So I went road two. I said, hey, I'm going to write something. Get a little outline. Yes. Mm-hmm.
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Chapter 4: How do dolphins communicate with humans?
You have to do it. It's really good. Yeah. Okay, and she was so supportive and encouraging, and I was so excited to have her hear me do the speech. So the guy who ā the reverend ā they call him Rev Kev, which he wasn't really a reverend. Yeah, he was more like the guy who got the Internet certification. But he does this. He's not just for Kevin. He does this for other people, too.
Is he like a friend, too, of Kevin?
Chapter 5: What is the story behind the viral dolphin Gerald?
Yeah, a friend of Kevin. Yeah. And nice guy, super nice guy. And he kind of held court for the weekend. He was his job was to, like, manage everything. Right. Lead guide the way. So at the rehearsal dinner, which is only like 40 people, maybe 30, 40 people. It was relatively small for rehearsal dinner. Long, big, long table.
So he gets up and he says, hey, listen, you know, at these kind of things, people do like to get up and give a toast. And a lot of people are too shy. And so people don't want to. And this is not their thing. But you'll kick yourself in the butt if you don't say something. So I'm going to hand it over. I'll start it off by handing it to Kevin's twin brother, Brian. I know he'll say something.
Yeah. And so I was like, OK, here's my moment. And I'm so excited to have Astrid watch me do this little speech that I've been wringing my hands about for a couple of days. And the second that Rev Kev says, I'll hand it over to Brian, my youngest goes, pee-pee, pee-pee. Of course. And Astrid is like, God damn it. Now, what am I going to do? They're only kids at the table.
Am I going to go, hey, Rev Kev, can we take a pause for five minutes while we do pee-pee-poo-poo break? I'm on the clock now. I know. And I have notes, but they're all the way in the coat in the next room.
Chapter 6: How do myths about animals spread on social media?
So I got to go run and get those. I'm trying to buy time to get Astrid. It didn't work. I had to start. I couldn't filibuster for too long. I sound like an idiot. I think she heard about half of it. Okay, good. And then that kicked off. Everybody else stood up and said something. And, you know, those are interesting moments.
I think the most interesting thing about American weddings is that people do get up and say something. Yeah. If not at the wedding, at the rehearsal dinner. Because some people are really good at it. Some people are really embarrassed by it. Some people love it. Some people hate it. And some people are just really terrible public speakers. Oh, yeah.
Chapter 7: What are the implications of AI-generated content?
But they think otherwise. Do you know what I'm saying? They go on forever. They think they're good. Oh, hey, everybody in the chat. Sorry, I just saw the chat. And, you know, so I'm not going to name names or anything like that. But everyone gave a toast that was at least had one foot on the ground. It was meaningful in some way. Yeah.
Chapter 8: How can overexposure affect public perception of celebrities?
How many people gave toast? Everybody gave a toast. Oh, okay. Well, not everybody. Like 20 people? No, I would say seven. Okay. Seven of us got up there. Let's see if my dad and my stepmom got up. My dad spoke. My stepmom was standing next to him. Oh, good. The bride's father. And best men or groomsmen of all sorts and sizes.
And then a couple of the girls that were with Carrie Ann, who was the bride. So, you know, it was lengthy. It was about an hour worth of speeches. But it's fun. It's fun when you don't know. Yeah. And to hear the different little stories and anecdotes. Yeah. You know, emotionalness of people and the heartfelt. The heartfeltness. That's right. So then, you know, very busy weekend on the island.
We're staying at the place called the Amelia Island Plantation. And I know that that word is very out of vogue. I'm just telling you what it's called. The Omni Amelia Island Plantation. Mm-hmm. And anybody who's been down there knows this is a huge resort with houses and condos and hotel. Yeah, I've seen that before. Restaurant, retail, all this whole nine yard.
And so we go to the bar that's on the property, one of the bars that's on the property. And they have rented the upstairs of this bar because the downstairs is completely packed. There's like an hour wait to get into place because there's thousands of people on the island, an island that's not used to seeing thousands of people for this car show and other weddings and all the other stuff.
So there's this upstairs bar. You have to sneak up these stairs up the back, and the upstairs bar is the size of this studio. And there's 70 people that are coming, 80 people. And the people at the restaurant thought it was happening at 8 a.m. And we were told 7.30. So everyone showed up a half an hour before they were even ready to have us. And the room filled quickly.
And I've got my small children with me. And I'm telling you what, I do agree that they handled themselves very well, especially as the louder it got, the more drunk people got, and the more kind of surly the situation got. My kids, they're going to be great alcoholics. They just fit right in. I mean, they're going to be perfect. They're going to be perfect Irish people.
They have that Venezuelan in there. They're perfect for parties. They're perfect for parties. They fit right in. They knew what to do. They were dancing and talking. I saw my son holding court with somebody. I was like, who is he talking to? I love it. Is that my old high school friend? Is that the guy I first smoked dope with? And my son's like, sure, tell me about my dad. Yeah, exactly.
He's smoking cigarettes outside. My daughter found a friend. One of my brothers is dating a lovely, lovely woman. And my daughter, one of my daughters, who's like a prince. She's 21 years old. Oh, yes, she is. She's an Instagram influencer. And I don't mean this real. She doesn't have an actual Instagram. But if she did, she would be an influencer. That's what she's doing.
She's taking pictures like this and like this and like this. The whole nine yards. So she's doing this whole number. So she found another, you know, princess female besides her mom, the princess female who's, you know, she's over there holding court. And then my smallest one, she's drunk. She's knocking into walls. She's unplugging stuff. She's running around. She's doing shit.
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