Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
You're listening to Comedy Central. A four hour telecast and I lost my office pool after three minutes. Though you probably haven't heard of it, in Los Angeles last night, there was a ceremony called the Academy Awards, also known to insiders as the Oscars, where, get this, the movie business gives itself prizes.
Chapter 2: What highlights does The Daily Show cover from past Oscars?
And because no other news organization thought it was big enough to cover, The Daily Show has decided to stand alone and give you these exclusive highlights. The awards were hosted by Whoopi Goldberg, who was responsible for more bombs than Saving Private Ryan and the Thin Red Line put together. Without the ability to censor the live broadcast, Whoopi's repeated profanity went unchecked.
I thought the blacklist was me and Hattie McDaniel. Hi, Goldie. I curse. Sit down. Oh, s***. Later, while apologizing to the Academy, the streetwise Whoopi inadvertently used the word 14 more times, along with seven hoes and one biatch. Tom Hanks showed up.
Tom Hanks showed up with a beard, just so that hilarious guy at the water cooler could do that shaving Private Ryan bit he's been dying to use. Other big names on hand included Celine Dion, who can be seen here arriving from the filming of a Virginia Slims commercial.
And check out double winner Roberto Benigni, displaying the joy of a man who's never had to work within the Hollywood studio system. Here, Benigni learns life is beautiful just won best foreign film. And later, learning he's won for best actor. And here's Roberto when it was announced that he had to move his car because it was blocking the fire lanes.
The winner in this year's best actress category was Shakespeare in Love's Gwyneth Paltrow. I think the rest of our miraculous cast and crew are producers Donna Gelati and David Parfitt. I didn't forget you this time. Gwyneth wore a fabulous pink satin gown and was so overcome with emotion, you could barely hear her shoulder blades rubbing together.
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Chapter 3: How did Jon Stewart's hosting compare to John Oliver's ratings?
Gwyneth left the stage with Jack Nicholson because it's her turn. The highlight of the evening had to be the spellbinding dance number that interpreted the meaning of the five nominated films, including this number for Saving Private Ryan. Oh. Oh, yeah, that's definitely where the guy gets his leg blown off, right?
Here, Spanish flamenco dancer Joaquin Cortez interprets a scene from Life is Beautiful before going backstage to have sex with everybody. Acclaimed director Ilya Kazan, perhaps best known because his name appears in 95% of all crossword puzzles, was honored for motivating Senator Joseph McCarthy to perhaps his finest screen performance ever.
Some of the stars refused to stand and applaud Kazan because they're communists undermining the very fabric of our great country. Go back to Moscow, Ivan! During the presentation, director Martin Scorsese stood behind Kazan trying to protect himself from the angry protestors who surrounded Robert De Niro in the parking lot and gave him this haircut.
Producer of The Goonies and Batteries Not Included, Steven Spielberg took home the Oscar as best director for his work on Saving Private Ryan. What I'd like to do is just thank very, very sincerely the families who lost sons in World War II. He also won four years ago for Schindler's List, which means Spielberg's now made more money off of World War II than most Swiss banks.
For more on all the Oscars happenings, we're joined by John Oliver in Hollywood, California. John, thanks so much for joining us. It's good to see you. Thank you so much for joining us. Well, thank you for leaving me behind here, John. Well, John, it was quite a night, especially for Europe, John. Daniel Day-Lewis, Javier Bardem, Marianne Cotillard, Tilda Swinton, all the major acting awards.
Absolutely, John, a triumph for the old world. A throwback to a simpler time when we Europeans first swept down on this continent, plundering your gold, leaving you humiliated, bitter, and dying of smallpox.
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Chapter 4: What comedic moments did Lewis Black bring to the Oscars coverage?
It was a magical night, John. And may I say, your performance was terrific. Wow, John, that's very kind of you. Thank you so much for saying that. Absolutely. That was, well, it's... Oh, no, no, absolutely. And far, far superior to the crap fest of two years ago. John, that was me as well. Yeah. Indeed it was. But this was quite a turnaround for you. Thank you.
And it's not just me saying it, John. That's the consensus of the millions and millions of people all around the world who read about it. And saw it? No, just read about it. Nobody saw it. Well, obviously it wasn't the highest rated Oscars ever. No, no. No, it wasn't, John. No. Unless by highest, you mean lowest. In which case it was. It was the lowest. Or the least high.
Is that what you meant, John? The lowest? Because it was that. The lowest rated Oscars. Ever. Of all time. To be perfectly fair, though... It's almost funny, when you think about it. Why? What do you mean? Well, when you did it before, you were horrible. And millions and millions of people watched it.
Yet, John, when you deliver a good performance, it disappears into the atmosphere to exist only as a brief moment in future Oscar montages. That is somewhat ironic. I mean, two years ago, with the whole world as your audience, you delivered a basic cable performance. Yet on Sunday night, with a world-class performance, you delivered a basic cable audience. It must be truly upsetting.
Well, you know, you certainly can't control an audience. You certainly can't, John. Adults 18 to 24, down 15%. Yes, no, I heard. Women 35 to 54, down 28%. I know, that was a... People who know you, aged 18 to 49, down 72%. Yes, no, I understand. People who gave birth to you, down 100%. No, that is not true. That is not true, John Oliver. She said she watched it. Nielsen says no. All right.
But you thought the performance was good. I wouldn't know, John. I didn't see it. You didn't even watch? No. Of course not. There was some quality counter-programming up against you. While ABC aired the Oscars, ABC Family was showing the sisterhood of the traveling pants. You're obviously making that up for comedic effect. That is not... I wish that were the case, John.
But ABC Family actually was showing... The sisterhood of the traveling pants. And in your defense, John, Billy Crystal never had to compete with traveling pants. Well, how was that movie? It was absolutely brilliant. The pants traveled everywhere, John. In a sisterhood, you have got to see it. All right, thank you very much. John Oliver, everybody. We'll be right back.
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Chapter 5: How does Roy Wood Jr. address diversity in the Oscars?
Isompi soundi samassa koossa. 20% suurempi kaiutin tuo syvemmän äänen. Huippuluokan soundi. Tutustu samsung.com The Oscars are just around the corner. That magical night when America's finest actors seethed with rage while British people pretending to be Americans steal their awards. And if you're not excited about the Academy Awards, welcome to the club. They suck.
For years, the Oscars broadcast has drawn fewer people than the strip aerobics class I teach. It's exercise, and it helps me unlock my sensuality. So this year, the producers are trying to get us watching again in ways that range from the idiotic to the insane. The producers of the Oscars are slimming down the broadcast in an effort to boost slumping ratings.
Eight awards will now be presented off-air, including the Oscars for film editing, makeup and hairstyling, and music original score. The ceremony for those categories will begin an hour before the telecast. The winners will then be sprinkled into the three-hour broadcast. The president of the Academy says the changes are necessary for the future success of the Oscars.
You can't cut out the men and women who work behind the scenes. Without them on stage, the Oscars are just awards for Hollywood's greatest sex criminals. How sad is it that the Academy has decided that the reason people don't want to watch its award show is that there are too many awards? Recognizing excellence through awards is the whole point. Without that, the Oscars are totally meaningless.
Also, with that, the Oscars are totally meaningless. It's especially unfair not to broadcast the makeup and hairstyle Oscars. Those people are the backbone of our industry. I have a whole team of people working hours to make me this beautiful. Now if people simply don't care about the little awards, then sure, cutting them will make the show more appealing.
The problem is nobody cares about the big awards either, because they keep nominating movies nobody has seen. I did see The Power of the Dog, but only because they tricked me into thinking it was a superhero movie. If the dog doesn't fly, that's not a power. So now the Academy has a real problem.
Sure, they could just nominate movies ordinary people like, but that wouldn't be a good idea either, because ordinary people are morons who only like dumb movies that don't deserve nominations. So instead, They come up with the perfect way to pander to fans while also insulting our intelligence. And the Motion Picture Academy is looking to get film fans involved.
The Hollywood Reporter says this year folks on Twitter get to vote on their favorite movies of last year using the hashtag OscarsFanFavorite. It can be any title, so you're not limited just to this year's nominated pictures. The movie that gets the most fan votes will be recognized during the Oscar show. What a great idea! Let's let Russian bots choose the Oscars.
They did such a terrific job with our elections. There's already a vote for fan favorite. It's called buying a ticket, asshole! If the Oscars are so desperate for viewers, there are better ways to get eyeballs than cutting categories or polling Twitter. How about a halftime show? It works for the Super Bowl. Also, how about making the stars smash their heads together until they get brain damage?
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Chapter 6: What was Trevor Noah's reaction to Will Smith's slap at the Oscars?
Yep. I called out these past, I'll call out these past nominees. And you tell me what's the first thing to come to mind when I call out these movies. Django. Angry Slave. Selma. Still angry about the slavery thing. 12 Years a Slave. I mean, slave for 12 years. Exactly. White people love feeling bad about how they treated black people.
So to make a hit black movie, you need a whip, a fire hose, or a Negro spiritual. No, no, you know what, this is so true. Now that I think about it, you know the only black prominent person who got nominated for an Oscar today, that was The Weeknd, yeah, for that 50 Shades of Grey song, which is basically a movie about a rich white guy who likes whipping people. Exactly, I rest my case.
And here's the thing, white people know how to get that Oscar attention. They do what they gotta do. They gain weight, they lose weight. Or they get really ugly. Exactly. White people play to their strengths, and black filmmakers need to understand that, man.
Look, I hear you there, Roy, but I think it sucks that if black people want Academy Awards, we can't just make movies about anything but slavery. No, no, no, no, no, no. We can make any movie we want. We just have to trick white people into thinking the movie is about slavery. What do all award-winning slave movies have? They have scenes like this. Mmm...
Hey, man, you put that humming underneath that, man? Dude, Straight Outta Compton would have been nominated five times if they replaced a gangster rap with spirituals like that. They want N.W.A.? Let's give them N.W.A. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. That was, uh... Yeah. That was deep, bro. Yeah. You know what you're feeling right now? That's that slavery sauce I sprinkled on that movie.
You got to drizzle that on there if you want to win. Look at Creed. It's a great boxing film. Could have got an Oscar nod if they'd have sprinkled a little slavery in there. His great-grandfather was a slave. And now he has to fight for his freedom. I've been fighting my whole life. But he can't do it alone. Yeah, I want to talk to you about training me.
Hey, I'm sorry your great-grandfather was a slave. To honor his ancestors, he has to fight every white man alive. His journey will be dangerous. People get killed. But his destination is dignity. Again, kid, I'm sorry your great-grandfather was a slave. This fall, you can't run from 400 years of oppression. You have to stand up and fight.
I just want to reiterate, I'm sorry your great-grandfather was a slave. Sprinkle that slavery, man. And the winner is Roy Wood Jr., everyone. It's now been two weeks since the craziest Oscars moment in living history. And yeah, I'm talking about the fact that House of Gucci didn't win best hand makeup. The whole movie was hand makeup. How did they not win?
That was truly the craziest thing that happened at the Oscars. Oh, I almost forgot. There was also the moment where Will Smith introduced his hand to Chris Rock's face, which had everyone asking, how will the Academy Awards punish Will Smith? Well, now we're finding out.
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