Chapter 1: What led to Zaslow's airplane incident?
Coming off a losing fantasy week, that means you're one week closer to losing your league. That's stressful, which can lead to nighttime teeth grinding. Dentek wants to prevent teeth grinding and has raised the fantasy stakes with a once-in-a-lifetime punishment. Keep an eye out for the ultimate fantasy football punishment reveal at the NFL Pro Bowl. or on Dentek.com slash ultimate punishment.
If you're still feeling fantasy stress, try a Dentek nighttime dental guard to protect your teeth. Available at all major retailers. All right, kicking things off with Smirnoff, the official vodka sponsor of the NFL and the number one vodka in the world. Chris Cody, you're here. Smirnoff!
Chapter 2: How does Dentek address fantasy football stress?
Wow, you're on the money with Smirnoff. Smirnoff! Chris, you know what goes great with Smirnoff? Smirnoff! Yes, but I'm really talking about the game day fit. The style's got to match the vibe. Smirnoff!
Chapter 3: What is the ultimate fantasy football punishment reveal?
All right, here's the deal. Game day is everything. And that's exactly why your fit has to match the occasion. Smirnoff! Starting this December, Smirnoff is giving fans 21 and over the chance to score limited edition Smirnoff commission merchandise from some of today's top creators, including Kayla Jones, Gavin Matthew, and Alaylee May. Smirnoff! Here's the kicker.
One lucky fan will take home the grand prize, a trip to the biggest game of the offseason. Plus, one fan will win Alaylee May's one-of-one game day jacket. Wow. The merch will be dropped on select dates from December to January 21, and it's all courtesy of what brand? Smirnoff! That's right, Chris. Fans 21 and over can head to Smirnoff Socials to learn how to sign up.
And don't forget to grab a bottle of Smirnoff vodka, number 21, at your local retail. Smirnoff. Please drink responsibly. Smirnoff. Number 21 vodka distilled from grain, 40% alcohol by volume. The Smirnoff Company, New York, New York. Please do not share with anybody under legal drinking age.
Chapter 4: Why is game day attire important?
Smirnoff. No purchase necessary. Must be legal. U.S. resident, 21 or older. Sweepstake starts 12-15-2025 at 12 a.m. Eastern and ends 1-23-2026 at 11-59-59 p.m. Eastern. See official rules at program website. Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right? Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is won when it hasn't hit triple zero. Always drink your Jägermeister ice cold.
That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion. Everything else? Everything else. Wearing clean underwear every day? Well, that's just a personal decision. Brushing your teeth? Obviously smart, but not a rule. Never pee-pee on an electric fence. Okay, maybe there are two rules, but the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Jagermeister, must be drank ice cold.
Or don't drink it at all. Damn, that's cold. Exactly. You're finally starting to get it. Drink responsibly. Jagermeister Liqueur, 35% alcohol by volume, imported by Mass Jagermeister U.S., White Plains, New York. Welcome to the Big Sui, presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast.
I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar.
This episode of the Dan Labatard Show is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Flying by the seat of your pants originated in the early days of aviation when pilots had to use their senses and physical field to navigate and control their aircraft because there were no sophisticated instruments. So not Peter Pan?
Well, but the seat of the pants, you understand why I'm doing Peter Pan, right? You have to put somebody on wires in order to get them to fly, and then they're flying by the seat of their pants. What he's just described right there doesn't have the seat of the pants being used for anything. I'm driving the plane. I'm flying it. I'm sitting in this seat, and I'm just feeling it out.
Where do I got to go here? I got to go a little tilted, a little left here. I need some help with something that happened to me on the plane this weekend. So I was flying back home late Saturday night. I already told you that part. Government shutdown. Come on, figure it out. So I'm on my way home Saturday night. We're about to take off. I'm sitting in first class. You know my style, Dan.
And there's a woman sitting next to me. I don't know. She looks like she's maybe like 50, something like that. I don't know for sure. I didn't ask. And she seemed a little bit strange to me. It was one of those deals where like the pilot and they don't call them stewardesses anymore. Flight attendants. They come on the plane. You are stuck in a different time, dude. You really are.
They come on the plane, and she cheered. She cheered, like, come on. All right, whatever. Did you feel obligated since you're next to her? No, no. She cheered. No, but it wasn't clever. It was cheering. Woo! All right. Anyway, we're getting ready to take off. I got my AirPods in.
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Chapter 5: What happened during Zaslow's flight experience?
I had the Colts. Oh, yeah, let's go, baby. We're alive. We're still alive.
they deserve to lose that game Jonathan Taylor is pretty important to them and I believe the only team in the league that I end their playoff chances by taking the running back away instead of the quarterback I understand that Daniel Jones has been very good for them this season but I just saw and I in a game where they scored 31 points by the way so there are 30 points or whatever it was they scored plenty in that game
but it's because Jonathan Taylor went crazy, three touchdowns, 200-something yards, when the Falcons were hell-bent on stopping Jonathan Taylor. Those wide receivers for the Colts gave them nothing in that game. It was just Daniel Jones looking wherever he could for his tight end. All he wanted was Tyler Warren. That's the only thing he was looking for. What do you got, Roy?
Trump doing play-by-play during the Commanders game. All right, let's hear some of this here, and let's compare it to Stugatz's play-by-play, if you can get it. Which do you want to do first here, Chris? Do you want to do Trump first? Let's do what? This is, by the way... This is during Lions-Commanders.
Not only that, Trump says he wants that stadium named after him, and it's probably going to be named after him. I think it's going to be named after him. Can you do me a favor and look something up?
I have not seen credible reporting on this, but because I have heard from so many people, I want to see who's reporting it credibly that the president of the United States is wearing a diaper and smells bad. Just get for me that information if you could, and let's hear this brilliant play-by-play. I'm sure it's very smart. Let's see.
We have a very important, I think it's a very important couple of plays. Here we go. Second and seven. Second and seven. Let's see what happens. Whoa. All right. Not bad. Takes it down to the five-yard line. That's right. That's right. Good runner. There we go. I love the whoa. Right when he's supposed to be explaining what's happening. Here we go. Whoa.
Anytime you're doing play-by-play and you say, let's see what happens, that's good stuff. Let's just play that again so people can just hear just how generally empty it is. Let's see. We have a very important, I think it's a very important couple of plays. Here we go. Second and seven. Second and seven. Let's see what happens. Well, all right. Not bad. Takes it down to the five-yard line.
That's right. That's right. Good runner. All right, so he offered no information and just repeated. My eyes were closed watching that. I have no idea what happened. Well, it happens when you listen to the Dolphins broadcast. Anyway, I think that he I think that he's carving out like a new role. Trump, you heard him there. Like he's confirming what Kenny Albert is saying.
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Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift to airplane mode?
None of these guys, they all take the extra dribble in years past. Oh, they get it off in time. And now everyone wants to shoot at the end of the quarter. I love it. When did they change that rule? This year. I didn't know. So it doesn't count against your shooting percentage. If it's at the end of the quarter... What's the cutoff on that?
If it's the end of the quarter, and the play originates in the backcourt, and you shoot it behind... Halfcourt. I think it's actually behind, like, the logo. You can go a little bit into the frontcourt, then it only counts if it goes in.
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Download the GameTime app today. Marty Supreme, Christmas Day, Marty Supreme, Christmas Day, Marty Supreme, Christmas Day, Marty Supreme, Christmas Day. You know what I'm going to be doing on Christmas Day, and it's going to be watching Marty Supreme because I didn't even need to know that critics were calling Marty Supreme a full throttle masterpiece and the best movie of the year.
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Chapter 7: How does the discussion about Sicilian pizza unfold?
26 fourth quarter points to the Texans who are a bad offense when it's not Davis Mills. I want you to look up for me. I'm gonna guess that there's been one game this season where the Texans have scored more than 26 points in an entire game. There's one game that I remember against Baltimore. I'm going to guess that they haven't scored more.
They might have a couple of games where they've scored close to 26, but I'm going to guess that if you look at the Texans game log, they've scored 26 twice and they've scored above that once. They scored the 44 points against Baltimore, like you mentioned. And then in their other two wins outside of this one, they scored 26 exactly. So in the fourth quarter, they scored 26 points.
And in all the previous games, when given all four of the quarters, they've not scored more than 26 points. It's not just that, though. It's that Jacksonville in the fourth quarter had two yards. They're trying to win the game. They're trying to advance to 6-3, the same record that the Bills would have as their window closes. They could have been 6-3. They're playing Davis Mills.
They've got the game won at 29-10. And I want to, do you guys know, does anyone here, Roy's going to know what this is. Are you old enough to know, Zaslow, what the Nesty Plunge is? Do you know what the Nesty Plunge is? I don't think so, no. Does anyone here, this is, you know what Nes Tea is, right? Is it still in business? Yeah, it's like the chocolate stuff, right? Chocolate?
I don't think it's chocolate. No, no, no. I think it's just tea. That's Nes Quick. That is Nes Quick. And Nes Lee, like ice cream, right? Yeah, that's totally different. Well, what the hell are you talking about? Nes Tea. Okay. Nes Tea. Let's give video a second to find. But Nes Lee Quick is so good. Yeah, but that's not what we're talking about. But I'm with Zazz.
If we're just comparing the products, I'm with Zazz. It's also not Nes Lee Quick. It's Nes Quick. Oh, whatever. It's good. Let's talk about that some more. Yeah. Zaslow got everything wrong there and didn't know what the nest he plunges either, even though he's of an age that he should know.
And I'm sure the woman who was sitting next to him who got ice cubes spilled on her was also thinking how old you were when she was looking at you. Do you promise we can go back and talk about Nestle quick, though, when you get done with this? I mean, anything Nestle-related is going to be chocolate-related, so it's going to be delicious. This is not at all chocolate-related.
When you're making strawberry or chocolate milk, do you prefer the syrup or the powder? Oh, the powder, no, the powder feels like more authentic. What? I love the powder. That's the weirdest thing you've ever said. If you use a syrup, you get that one little clump of syrup at the bottom. Yes, yes, yes, yes. There you go. That's one of life's simple joys.
I like to go around the, like, wipe off all the chocolate from the side, make sure there's no chocolate. I'm like, I never know if I've mixed up the syrup enough, and I feel like it's all at the bottom, and I never know. Kind of gooky. Yeah.
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Chapter 8: What humorous moments occurred in the sports weekend?
And then they lost. And then they had two fourth quarters. And then they allowed... Listen, this is... I do enjoy laughing at the Jags. But here's what happened to the Jags at the end of the game. Because it was great to watch because... Jacksonville knows how to lose these kinds of games, okay? As I said, Jacksonville had two fourth-quarter yards.
They're now down by a point with 31 seconds left. They get a decent return, but they don't need much of a return because they're kicker little. All you got to do is get to your own 40-yard line to have a chance for this guy to try a 70-yard field goal. They come out with two fourth-quarter yards, and Trevor Lawrence ends up running for like 19 yards. They're now in field goal range.
They were close, yeah. No, they're in field goal range. They're not close. Their kicker has made the longest kick ever. They're in field goal range. They can try it from here, and then, of course, he gets sacked. And then on the next play, he just lobs the ball up and it's a pick six and Houston ends up with 26 fourth quarter points.
When that is a dreadful offense, there's no circumstance under which you can allow Davis Mills and a truly terrible Texans offense to just break your season over their knee that way. Liam Cohen's reaction was so good. He throws his pad with the plays and throws off his headset and the equipment. He was so mad. Looks like a guy who wants a new quarterback next year.
What happened in that fourth quarter, I dare say the only thing more surprising than that was the end of the Broncos-Giants game this entire season. And I'd have to put this in that conversation. Don't forget Titans-Cardinals. That one was an all-time. Oh, yeah. Titans-Cardinals was a pretty good one. I did forget about that one. Do you think Brian Dable gets fired during the show? I think so.
You think he should get fired today? I mean, there was that report that Mira had to get talked out of firing him in Denver. They are 0-4 in games that they've led by more than 10 points on the road. Also, another great stat, Jackson Dart has been evaluated for four concussions this season. Oh, God.
Jackson Dart scores a lot of touchdowns, and the moment that he left that game yesterday, you could see everything leak out of the Giants. Russell Wilson, I told you guys when he signed there that I found that signing to be sad for Russell Wilson. I think Stugatz and Zaz have both said that Russell Wilson is playing his way out of the Hall of Fame. I think he is, yeah.
I mean, you see that final drive with Russell Wilson? He didn't know what he was doing out there. How good is this job, though, when it opens up? You want that job now all of a sudden. Well, they still have skill position problems. Neighbors. Because they're hurt. Their skill guys are hurt. We'll see if Skadaboo comes back. But they have neighbors. They have an answer, a quarterback.
They probably have the best pass rush in the division. Not probably. And they're going to have a super high pick in the draft. One of the best D-lines in the league. Yeah, that's a good job. That's a good job. Saz, good job or not a good job?
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