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Chapter 1: Who is Melie Kerr and what are her cricket achievements?
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That's dom.co.nz. Look for the orange button. Thank you. Warning. This episode contains discussions around mental health, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and suicidal ideation. Please listen with caution. And if you want to reach out to a trained professional, you can go to the show notes for a list of resources provided by the New Zealand Mental Health Foundation. Coming up...
merely cure i remember with dad would like do a scenario and play like it was a game and i'd get him to commentate if i got a 50 i'd raise my bat but as soon as cars drove past or if there's someone else in the nets i'd walk up to dad and be like don't commentate Millie Kerr has just recently become the captain of the White Ferns cricket team.
She's now leading some of the women she idolised growing up. This episode was originally released in October 2023, but it still remains one of my favourite and I think most important episodes of all time. So I thought I'd reshare it in case you missed it the first time around. So who is Merely Kure? Well, she made the White Ferns when she was still in her mid-teens.
Actually, it was while she was still at school at age 17 that she scored 232 runs not out against Ireland, which was the highest score in women's ODI at the time. She's played all over the world. She's earned big contracts in India. She bought her first home at 22 and is now in her mid-20s and playing some of the best cricket of her life. But this episode is not just about cricket.
Millie talks very openly and articulately about her harrowing mental health journey and the moment her life nearly came undone. She talks about the support of her family and close friends and the reality of recovery. This is not an easy listen, but I think it's an important conversation and I do believe it's something that's going to help a lot of people.
I think it's a good reminder that you can never know what someone is going through just by how they look on the outside. This is merely cure. On the Dom Harvey Podcast. Dom, thanks for having me. It's good to be here. Mate, we've been trying to, I went back through my DMs on Instagram, we've been bouncing backwards and forwards for the best part of a year, trying to figure out how to do this.
I know, it's been a bit of a mission to get this podcast going, but finally. Finally. We're in the mount of all places. It's wonderful. So you're here for a training camp at the moment with the New Zealand team? Yep. Yeah, here till Tuesday, Tuesday night. Yeah, we go to South Africa soon. So training camp with everyone, which has been nice. You are all over the place. I was in the UK last month.
I did a podcast there with your friend Susie Bates, who you told me just off mic before is maybe the best New Zealand cricketer of all time. Yeah, she goes down as probably the GOAT in New Zealand women's cricket. So, yeah, her record's outstanding, and she's seen in New Zealand as one of the best cricketers we've ever had. Amazing. So I've got Susie Bates, now I've got you, Millie Kerr.
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Chapter 2: How did Melie Kerr become captain of the White Ferns?
I guess your worst times. And then people assume you're all good. But I just wanted to be honest and open about how I was feeling. And it's not that I'm all good now. Well, I'm in a great place now. But, you know, there's still bad days. There's still times where I kind of do struggle. But I guess that's human. And that's kind of part of it. Like depression doesn't necessarily just...
go away you kind of learn strategies and coping mechanism coping mechanisms and um yeah but I think since my experiences I've just appreciate life so much more I have a better understanding of myself so not that I ever want to feel that way again I'm grateful um that I have been through what I've been through and had that support network around me
Yeah, we'll get into that later on in the podcast in as much or as little detail as what you want. But yeah, I can relate to a lot of it. I was thinking about it on the drive down today. And actually, this is something I got from the podcast I did with another good friend of yours, Sophie Devine.
with my own mental health struggles like I think it's given me so much like it's made me a more empathetic person it's made me more understanding of other people so even though it's it's fucking shit to go through that stuff there are like pluses that you can see from it right Yeah, definitely. Like it's cruel. Like depression's cruel.
But it does give you perspective when you kind of come out the other side and you do learn a lot. I've always been a real empath ever since I was young. So I've always kind of taken on or felt other people's emotions and been quite sensitive growing up. But yeah, it definitely... It definitely does help you. That's kind of what they say. It makes you stronger, I guess. It's like any setback.
It's how you can move forward from that. Yeah, it's funny though, how it just doesn't discriminate. Your sister, who you're very close with, and she's in the Mount Maunganui with you at the moment, so she had a condition called Bell's Palsy when she was young. She got diagnosed with diabetes as well. So on paper, you'd think she's the one that should have mental health issues. Yeah.
But it's just not how it works. No, it's not how it works and it's crazy how powerful your brain is. It's ridiculous and it doesn't discriminate. And I think that's the thing, like I say, just be kind to people because people have stories and you have no idea what's going on in their life or in their head. And, you know, if you can just be kind because you don't know what could set someone off.
Yeah. Ten years ago, if someone said to me, what do you want to be? Or if someone told me I was kind, I'd like bristle at the word. I fucking hated it. I didn't want to be seen as being kind. I just wanted to be like a savage or funny or something. Now I'd take it as the biggest compliment.
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Chapter 3: What challenges did Melie face regarding mental health?
I agree. You never know what path people are on or what journey people are going through. So I think a little kindness goes a long way, eh? Yeah. There's always time for the savage joke with your close mates, isn't there? Yeah, 100%. You know, if you're kind, you can give that joke to your mates. Yeah, for sure.
Okay, we'll park that to one side for a second and we'll do some fun stuff and then we'll get back to that later on. So first of all, Go back to a very, very young Merely Kerr. What are your earliest memories? Yeah, my childhood.
Chapter 4: How did Melie's family support her during tough times?
It's funny, I think I had, like, I loved my childhood. It was just we were outside all the time, playing sport, big family. So kind of like my cousins, some of my cousins lived with us growing up, my uncle and auntie. So there's always a full house. And, yeah, just really active and lots of friends, lots of family. So loved growing up. I...
Yeah, I was always quite a chilled out kid as well and always looked out for other people as well. And I think a lot of that, I reckon, stemmed from when I was young, my mum had breast cancer. And I used to go every day to the hospital with her when she was going through chemo. So how old were you, like three? Three-ish? Yes, about three. Can you remember much about that?
Chapter 5: What insights does Melie share about her mental health journey?
That's very young. Did you know what was going on or were you just traipsing around with your mum? No idea, really, what was going on. But I think...
speaking to people and from things there's probably like I think that's where my empathy came from as well seeing my mum my mum wrote letters I guess throughout that time and um she always I apparently I always said uh when I started school even at five or yeah five years old I said oh my mum's still sick because she's got short hair so I just assumed short hair means you're sick um
That's so cute. And then like, yeah, Jess, growing up, Jess was quite independent. So what's the age gap with you two? Two, three years, almost three years. Okay. But yeah, like, I remember Jess's first day of school. She was sweet as, like, get me in there. I remember my first day of school. I'm looking out the window as my mum's leaving, like, crying.
And I think I just didn't want to leave my mum's side. And I think part of that, too, is because... Like a nurturing thing because of the cancer. Yeah, it was like, yeah, every day I kind of saw her sick. growing up and um but yeah I love my childhood um but I was always really sensitive and aware of struggles around us um what like I think just everyday type of struggles but um
I guess Jess, growing up, it was like she did running and she was so passionate about it and really good at it. But, you know, she had Bell's palsy when she was young. Yeah, so what does that mean exactly? So half her face was paralysed. So it was basically like a mini stroke in her face and, you know, she couldn't drink out of a cup. She needed a straw.
She, like, couldn't close her eye for a while. She'd sleep in a little eye patch and... Yeah, so she had that and then she had type 1 diabetes. You know, my mum had cancer and then it came back again when I was about 18. And then my dad lost his parents within about six months of each other. And then my auntie... My auntie got quite sick and had mental health problems and was an alcoholic. So...
Um, yeah, there was all of that happening and I was young, but I seemed to observe a lot and, and notice, notice those things. Um, and you know, I just carried on doing what I love playing sport with my friends, but I was always quite hyper aware. Um, and then I went kind of went to college and, Suicide seemed to be a common theme around me.
My boyfriend at college, his dad had committed suicide. Not while we were together, but I was kind of one of the first people he opened up to about that. And he actually only found out at a young age. And then I had a boy in my class... who were in the same class for five years, wasn't my best mate or anything, but, um, he had committed suicide as well in year 13.
And that, it was just, it felt like it became a normal word in my world. And then, um, in 2020, my best, one of my best mates, Dan Philly, who was on treading water, um, which was extremely brave of him to want to be a part of it.
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Chapter 6: How does Melie cope with the pressures of professional sports?
His younger brother had committed suicide. And, yeah, it just became normal. And I think because I'm such a deep thinker and I'm an empath, it just... I just wasn't... I just was in this world and I just think I saw a lot happening around me. It's funny, yeah, because I suppose you could... There's two ways of sort of looking at it when you're exposed to, I suppose, that much suicide. Like on...
And on the one perspective, you could go, okay, well, you know, it's a way out and it's an option that we've all got open to us that we can explore if things get really bad. Then on the flip side of that, you can go, let you realise... for the person that's taking their own life, their pain stops, but it doesn't go away. It gets transferred to everyone around them.
The ripple effect of anyone, you know, people that obviously feel the world's going to be better of a place without them, but the impact it leaves and the hole it leaves, it's just, the magnitude's massive, eh? Yeah, it's even the whole community. It's even the people that don't know the person. It just affects the community. And yeah, it's so sad. Like it's... Oh, it is.
It's one of the saddest things imaginable. So that's young Amelia Kerr. And then cricket was always part of your life, eh? Yes. So your parents were both pretty good cricketers. Yeah, yeah. So both my parents played for Wellington. Dad played indoor cricket for New Zealand. He kept in them. And then my papa played for the Blackcaps. Yeah. Yeah, that's right, on your mum's side.
Yeah, so my mum's side's big, like all the cousins are close and we just grew up in the backyard. I played with my cousins and then mates, I played boys cricket growing up till I was 18, so yeah. Oh, like in boys teams. Yeah, yeah, and loved it.
Yeah, as I said, I mean, she's quite a bit older than you, but another girl from Tower, Sophie Devine, had her on the podcast, and she had the same sort of experience. Did you, yeah, what sort of negativity or backlash can you recall from that, like playing in boys' teams? Like, was there anything like a... I had none.
I think because I'd played boys' cricket since I was five years old through to 18, you kind of played the same guys throughout, so it's almost just like you were one of them. Yeah. And, you know, I captained the boys' teams I played in when we got older as well. So, yeah, it was just normal. It was my normal, and it was actually their normal as well.
It was more when we, like, went up north to Hastings Cricket Camp, and you'd play teams, boys' teams that had never played against a girl, and they were like, this is weird, and they'd try to sled you, and... At what age? About 12. Can you recall what sort of sledging they're coming out with at 12? It's not good sledging. It's like, mate, grow up. So here they are. You're hopeless.
But, no, it was good fun. So, yeah, big family, big group of family friends, really close. Still close with them all today. Yeah. Yeah, active lifestyle. And then did you show, like, sort of promise or talent as a young player or...? I think so, yeah.
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Chapter 7: What is the significance of the 'Treading Water' initiative?
How were you watching the White Fence on TV? Was it even televised? It was like there was one game that was televised that I watched. And I'd been to a couple of home matches. So I'd seen a handful of games. But I knew the players because I'd watched the Wellington Blairs play as well. So they'd played like, you know, I'd see Sophie play and then they'd play Otago, see Susie play.
But yeah, that's I guess how I knew. But there was one game on TV that I remember vividly It's so cool that you've got these memories and these role models that are now your friends because it would have been just as easy or even easier for your role models to be, I don't know, like Martin Guptill or Kane Williamson or whoever was big in the men's game at the time.
Yeah, there was definitely men's players too I looked up to, but yeah, I was fortunate that I got those roles one or two games I watched on TV to have those role models, which now, you know, it's televised more, so you can have those role models. But I probably only got to watch because I come from a cricketing family and my dad would have known that they were playing on TV.
Otherwise, you know, he'd have no idea. Yeah, so, I mean, if you're around long enough, there's every likelihood that there's going to be some nine-year-old kid now that's at the nets with her dad. Dad commentating, maybe? Maybe, maybe not. Being you. Yeah, and that's the cool thing, and I think that's now, like, when you're signing kids' stuff after games and whatnot, it's taking the time.
But also when you chat to them and they tell you they love cricket and whatnot, you say, oh, I'll be playing with you in five, ten years' time, and their face just lights up. But that's, you know, I was at the Nets and saw Sophie and Susie, and they said that that's what happened to me. It was a dream come true. Mm-hmm. That's amazing.
And then you play rep cricket for Wellington when you're, what, like 13, 14? Yeah, 14. That's crazy. Yeah, I looked pretty small then. That is nuts. So what was the average age of the team? They all women? Yeah, I was the youngest by a wee while. Yeah, probably ranged from 14 to 30-odd. Right. So who do you talk to in the team? Do they all feel like aunties? I was so shy, so nervous.
Not nervous to play, but nervous to be around.
people that what am I going to talk to them about so I think it's a very reasonable fear as well what have you got in common absolutely nothing yeah apart from cricket yeah so I actually found probably that first year quite hard I love the on-field stuff um the on-field stuff was awesome because I just wanted to play cricket and loved it but yeah it was hard because I just felt
Like, I was nervous and shy. I had a really nice roommate, Alex Evans, who doesn't play anymore, but she was an older one in the team. And she just took me in, looked after me. Like, I was a kid, so... How old was she at the time? She would have been... Like, 20s? Yeah, mid-late 20s. And she just took me in and looked after me. And...
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Chapter 8: How does Melie view her future in cricket and personal life?
But it's funny that I just thought, you know, like, if you smile or whatnot, then you look happy to receive it and then you're arrogant, right? Yeah. Which is actually not the case, but when I was about 12, that's what I thought. Yeah. Oh, that's so cute. Just funny. And then, when did your sister make the team?
She's older than you, but she's not, I get the feeling she's not as passionate about cricket as what you are. She was like a 3,000 metre runner for a while. Yeah. She loved running. It's an awful distance to run. I love running. It's a terrible distance. Yeah, she did that in 1,500 metres. But yeah, so she loved her running. And then she's had injuries with her calfs.
She played cricket growing up, took a break from it, didn't really like cricket. Yeah, got bored. As most people, that's why they give up. If you're going to play cricket, you've got to love fielding. That's the key. But yeah, so she then started playing for Wellington again. I got in the Wellington squad when she was about 17, 18.
But she always stayed in the game through playing indoor cricket. And she had a couple of really good years with Wellington. And 2020 made her White Ferns debut. So she would have been about 23. Right. Just turned 23, I think. And she's been amazing for this group. Has she? How so?
um she just has a point of difference in women's cricket and swing bowling's been so effective and we haven't had an in swinger for a while and she's just come in and done really well with the new ball and um I think she doesn't quite know how good she is actually um But, yeah, it's awesome to see Jess loving it and playing sport again because, you know, it's tough for her not being able to run.
And it's great having family on tour. We are like best mates, her and I. Was she really good at the running wash? Did she really love it? She loved it. Do you know how these people that don't know anything about cricket, I don't know if you know this, but what was her time? What was her time for like 1500 or 3000? So 1500, that means she was about 12. She did a 454 or 456. Wow.
And I'm pretty sure she had a Wellington record for a 3K for like school. like Wellington region she did like a 10 something no way 3k fuck that's insane she was moving at like 12 3k she would have been a bit older right And it's such an uncomfortable distance to run. Yeah. Your lungs are burning from lap number one. Yeah. Awful. She's in a much better place now. I know. Teams for it.
With everyone. You don't need to go blow your lungs every day. And so the IPL, you played in India this year for the Mumbai Indians. How do you feel about that, the money side of things, with everyone knowing you're shit? Yeah. I mean, it's a whole other world over there. Because you got sold for $192,000. Yeah, $190,000, I think.
If you don't want to talk about the money side of things, because it can be a bit crass, that's totally cool, but I'd be curious, like, how much of that money do you actually see? Yeah, that's, like, because all now with these contracts, your money comes out, and it's a thing. I think, for me, like...
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