Grief Expert: The Key to Overcoming Life’s Hardest Moments (With David Kessler)
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What is grief and why is it important to address?
If you're dying, your marriage is falling apart, you're in the worst moments of your life, you want David Kessler there. It bothered me. I wanted to be, oh, you're having a party? You've got to get David Kessler there. I didn't want to be the death grief guy.
Yo, yo, what's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. So grateful to be here with you. Listen, we're talking about your emotional health, your mental health, your relationships. And underneath all of those things is hard moments, hard seasons. Every single person I know, you included, goes through hard seasons. We go through loss. We go through things that we want to happen that don't happen. And if you have listened to this show for any period of time, you know I've referred to this man, the great David Kessler. I have recommended his book, Finding Meaning, over and over and over and over again. I think it is the masterpiece on dealing with not only heavy things like personal loss and romantic loss, but just all loss.
Well, he's on the show today. We're having a two-part conversation. When I got going with him, dude, I took out my notepad. I started taking notes. It's one of the most incredible conversations of my lifetime. And I'm so grateful that the cameras were rolling and that you get to be a part of this amazing conversation. In this first part... We cover the gamut. I want you to sit down. I want you to pull out a piece of paper. I want you to take some notes. I want you to digest this episode because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you and your loved ones and your friends and family to sit with a guy who's been there personally, a guy who's been there professionally, and a guy who has helped me immensely sitting with hurting people.
Listen to my conversation with the great David Kessler. This is the first half of the interview. Check it out. I first read this when my son was younger.
2019.
Okay, yeah. Sounds about right. So my son was, I think, Yeah, maybe nine. And I remember not having a psychology for it. And so I used to work in residence halls in universities and I would hug these dads who were dropping their daughters off and they would be sobbing and I would be rolling my eyes out of the back of my head. And then I remember dropping my son off when he was like one at a local Tuesday, Thursday school and I just sobbed in the parking lot. And so then fast forward, now I've got an empathy for... Your time's not here yet, but that pain is real, right? These people aren't. Reading this was a heavy, I didn't have a, I didn't have an exhale for it. And I imagine eight years later.
Well, it is a reminder that he was a gift I could not keep that did not belong to me. And then I try to remember that about everyone. You know, this moment we're in is a gift that will be gone. And people think, oh, well, that sounds depressing. It actually becomes the opposite. When I go, oh, everyone's a gift that doesn't belong to me. Every moment is going to disappear. It doesn't make me go, well, what's the point? It makes me go... This is my time with John. Let me really make it count. Let me go into this. Let me soak this moment up. Let me not throw it away. It's another podcast. It's another moment. No, this is an amazing moment I'm in. And to just take it in. You know, I come out happier. I ran into a neighbor that I used to work with 30 years ago.
And she said, oh, I've been following your career. I would be friends with you, but it must be too depressing. And I was like, yeah, actually not. I mean, I'm kind of a really happy person. And I know you're like a grief expert and kid die and shootings and parents and da-da-da-da. Yeah, that makes me understand the preciousness of all this. That makes me understand joy.
In a visceral way. Yeah. Or almost like oxygen. I know the importance of joy.
And it's also like... Years ago, I was on the road all the time, day and night. And I would go to these cities and, you know, have a hotel meeting room and be in the meeting room. And a few hundred people there. Next door was the meeting with the realtors. The nurses were down the hall, the Rotary Club. And at the end of the day, the staff would say, hey, what were you teaching?
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