The Grade Cricketer
Australia’s Worst Trounce England’s Best | Day 5 | AUS v ENG | Sydney Test
08 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Well, here we are. We've made it to the end of the ashes.
Chapter 2: What were the highlights of Australia's innings against England?
There was tension, there was high drama in Australia's innings. Great to see Sniko get a touch as well, or a murmur indeed. It got close, a little bit too close. It looked like at one point that Australia were going to run themselves out forever, basically. But Australia do win by five wickets. 869,000 people have gone through the gates to see
The worst Australian side beat the best English side four times in a series. Cummins goes full John Terry for Chelsea in the Champions League and raises the earning full kit next to Steve Smith, surrounded by thousands of ratepayers who are getting on the square. It's been a great game, great summer. As Steve Smith said to England, thanks for the memories. The next one starts in 18 months.
What have we learnt ahead of the next series? Look, I want to start by saying what a good test match that was. And I can say that because the team from where I was coincidentally born won. And I'm feeling magnanimous about it.
Chapter 3: How did Australia secure their victory in the Sydney Test?
Okay, what a wonderful test match. And thanks to Adam Lewis, the curator. Awesome shit. Now let's cut to the chase. A lot's been written, a lot's been said. But this most recent summit on the truth of cricket has shown us that...
Chapter 4: What does the series score of 4-1 signify for both teams?
Good cricket methods were emphatic. Good normal cricket for needy, cultish, loose international twos won. That's it. I want to speak later about how efforts will be made to ensure this series doesn't count. One must stay vigilant. But thankfully, not only do we have this daily today for 30-odd minutes, or who knows how long it will go for...
But we also have a full-blown podcast tomorrow that will go for two hours at least and then another one the following Tuesday for two hours at least. So there's at least four and a half hours of content coming up over the next five days on this channel. If anything is missed, well, that just means there's a lot to say because there's a lot that's been said, he goes.
But I suppose the main question is who's in your combined 11 now? Is Murphy in it? Is any spinner in it? Australia needed to win this game because they – Because we needed to tell the stories about the guys banging the pole on the floor with the wine cellar. And you do it three times and they do it three times back. Yeah. Pez, this game more than anything was about the truth.
It was about the truth. And that being Paul Pierce. But it was like... I don't know how many more times I can hear about a talented international cricket side. And if a few certain things had changed, if moments have been recognized, things would have happened.
Chapter 5: What lessons can be learned for the next Ashes series?
It's almost like they're not playing a game where all those things matter in the course they're in. You know what I mean? If you're an international cricket side, there's going to be a couple of guys knocking about that can play. Okay. The best teams execute skills over and over and over again and often come out on top. That's what we're looking at.
If this series had finished 3-2, perhaps if England had picked a spinner. Maybe if Australia had picked a spinner, you know what I mean? If England had done certain things different ways... and Australia had done exactly the same things and not reacted to England's change, then sure, things might have been different. This game mattered because it's all about the truth.
The truth is that Australia shit-tipped themselves out of a whitewash in Melbourne. You know? England were the better side that game. But the deck brought them into the game. You know what I mean?
In the course of what's been an excellent cricket wicket, where neither side has decided to pick a specialist of what would have been the most important skill in this game, that's why this game mattered.
Chapter 6: How did the pitch conditions affect the match outcome?
Made my point? This mattered. 4-1 is... I think it reflects how the series went. Do you... Do you want to talk about the meaning of the whole thing? Or do you want to talk about the game first? Because I'd like to say some things, right? But I feel like once that can is opened, we will not be talking about the game of cricket that happened. No, I'm worried.
We're watching a societal phenomenon unfold. like before our very eyes and in our heads where like, I feel like do we live in a world where we're able to curate things so much and create fantasies and abstractions in our mind that what even happens on the field is only one part. It's only one part of the truth. The truth is whatever you want it to be. I saw the truth. It was four one.
Let's talk about the game today. So when Matty Potts hits Boland's new pill for consecutive boundaries and the second one he's like standing up off the back foot fucking Viv Richards style. Right-handed baffle. Decent signs the deck would be okay. I thought it was one of those like more runs for them, more runs for us. That's all good. Then Tung hits Stark straight over his head for four.
And I'm like, hmm. Okay, a couple of poles now would be needed. But then Australia needs 160 to win. And, you know, you're thinking it doesn't have an eight in that second figure. We should be okay. Nervy start, I've got to say. Nervy start when Brighton cast balls a full toss on leg stump first ball and Travis Head nearly gets out twice to it.
in two different ways before joining England's review. I'm like, I think the beans are spinning a little bit. Do they spin? Ball five, appeal for LBW. Heads actually hit it for four. So the umpies now in on it. And then head goes down the ground. Then it was kind of like, okay, this is the helter-skelter stuff. That's when we got to the Snicko issue, which was great. So Kass...
appears to scratch the toe of Weatherold's bat, almost definitely did. It's a scratch, but according to Kumar Dharmasena, who has released an excellent cologne, it's the wrong kind of scratch. And who among us knows how to use the scratch anymore? Well, lots of people, because it just looked pretty out. Just on that, via the ABC, I understand this to be true.
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Chapter 7: What were the standout performances from individual players?
A faint noise or murmur, inverted commas, is not necessarily conclusive. Third umpires have to correlate any sound with the visual footage to decide whether the ball actually touched the bat. And I think that's why Sniko deserved the Compton Miller medal at the end of this series because we've learnt that investing in shares in that company was a huge mistake.
well what I learn is when that happens on Australia's favour then they get it right that's correct they get it right because I reckon there was heaps of times when it wasn't quite matching up on comms I was going it matches up perfectly I'm like well no it hasn't matched up perfectly but that is that's a noise that really can't be anything else well someone on Twitter said that it was his elbow brushing his pocket so I guess we can all find what we're looking for can't we well you know that's consistent with a lot of things said this series I can't say it myself but there it is it's said I love you too who's haven't found what they're looking for
Now, I think Stokes captained that situation beautifully, pulling Brighton Castle away. Who touches the umpire?
Chapter 8: How did England's strategy impact their performance in the series?
Touchy team, England. And I don't know where he gets it from. A tactile team. I like that. No idea where he gets it from, but I thought Stokes captained that beautifully. And then Will Jacks spins through Steve Smith's gate. I mean, whether or gets out, that's annoying. Yeah. Talk about that later, that opening partnership, because I think it's good and it should stay.
But anyway, Jacks spins through Steve Smith's gate. It's three for 92, 68 to win. Problematically, because you're like, if you're spinning through Steve Smith's gate and you are Will Jacks, then the deck's probably doing something. And you're like, hmm, cat pigeons, possibly. Marnus then dropped on 20 by Jacob Bethel. So door, you know, England open a door. They close it themselves. Cheers.
Would have been a hangar. Sure, he got enough on it. Uzi chops onto tongue. And I like this because, obviously, wonderful moment for Usman Khawaja. It's his last Test match. Standing O. Thank you, Woosie. All the correct things were there, as they should be. 88 Tests. Literally only 19 plays in the history of Australian men's Test cricket have played more Tests.
He's in the top 4% of representatives of Australian cricket. A lot of Tests. Good. The slow-mo of his reaction to the ball hitting the stumps at that moment in time just goes to show cricket is never good. Cricket will always deliver you...
pain that um is is far greater than any of the joy or satisfaction that you experience that's right you know when he says at the end of the game i'm grateful for everything that cricket has given me that's a lie um and that's a lie that i express on behalf of all people who've played cricket um that that was that was pure pain the way that that went onto the stumps but still it was awesome i thought the way i thought the walk off i thought the uh
The bow down, kiss the turf, next to the sign, members, give me all of it. I love all of it. All deserved. I mean, imagine if that photo could be in your house. Oh, yeah. But it was you, not, it was like, you can just buy Usman's photo. You probably could, yeah. Just put it up in your house. Or AI. What was that? Oh, it was Uzi's last game. I was going to get them in my shed.
So then, just walking through, then it's just like, okay, there's one that's falling here. Then Manus, and then there's the Manus run out. Oh, yeah. When he pushes past the short cover there, Potts sprints around. Good angle that he takes to the ball. Fresh Potts. Who's fresh? Yeah. He was fresh. He sure was.
And as Junior quite, I think, perceptively pointed out, Kerry at the non-strikers end is always waiting for that ball to get passed. I don't think there's a run in it. I think even if Kerry goes exactly when Marnus says to go, it's fucking tired and unneeded. Marnus batting excellently to that point as well. Just looked like he was probably going to break the back of it.
um if you hadn't already um but when you get a run out like that there's enough people running past the cameras on weird angles and stuff and manas was on on the ground yeah um and then the um you know the like they got the second cheer with the barmy army because they had to go to the replay and stuff that's when you're like oh is that the run out that's needed to spark a collapse because that's always part of the that's a core part of the anatomy of a run out yes
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