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Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Well, this is getting absolutely ridiculous. Each time you think there's a new, more shambolic twist in this whole English cricket saga, We'll see you next time. thistles at dawn, coats at ten paces, hidden agendas in the halls of power? Or does this all just build up to next summer's Last Goal Wins series? Oh yeah, New Zealand are in England too.
Simon Dool is on the show from the UK to be a river in a time of dryness, a harbour in the tempest, not to be confused with a Shakespearean play, or indeed the lyrics from a U2 song, and to tell us about cricketers that play for New Zealand. There's also an 11 ball 50 for the baby. Australia rides on motorbikes... on the field in Bangladesh.
The women continue to set the record straight in the World Cup. Ask TTC and figuring out what a cricket regulator is. Sam Perry, what a week it has been in the world of cricket.
Fantastic, he goes. Well... I don't know if us speaking about Ben Stokes and England means that we're obsessed with England. It's really hard not to look at it, though. It's a smorgasbord of side mouth for everybody. I mean, I guess the latest thing is that Stokes is a phoenix rising from the ashes and he loves these situations. He does. I mean, everything is coming up Stokes now.
Yeah.
Yeah, you mentioned the other stuff about being able to dump India out of the Women's World Cup. That's good. Yeah, Tim David riding around a Bangladesh outfield on a steel horse motorbike. Now, I don't know about you. I keep getting fed this week. Kumar Sankarkara batting in a Sri Lanka lid. I don't know if you saw this. Making 168 red off 117 against Broadstone CC Cricket Club.
They were a good side. Yes, although as my mate texted me this week, well done, he's 13. Just a quick one on Cricket Australia. Everyone's on board privatisation now, apparently. That was the media release from Cricket Australia. Everybody's on board. And then you speak to other people and they say, we need to upend the entire constitution of Australian cricket and roll the board first.
So all looking pretty good. And it looks like Stuart Broad might win a Logie. Finally. Cricket muscling in on the Football World Cup. I think they're doing a very, very good job. I don't know who they are.
Probably the cricket regulator. I'm sorry, Brodie. If Australia can't win Eurovision, you don't get a Logie. Okay? Although, I'm happy to trade a Logie for a Eurovision.
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Chapter 2: What are the implications of Stokes' leadership on the team?
And if you want those musings week on week from TGC, original content, pirate material, then patreon.com forward slash grade cricket. Just keep us in those power rankings, you know.
And that's why we will not win a Logie. Gus Logie. Gus Logie. Now, TTC Live in Darwin, the night before day one of the first test, which is when the men next take the field for the Australian nation state. Wednesday, August 12, as part of the Darwin Festival, Elisa Healy is our guest. Tickets at greycricketer.com.
Doing a lot of things by sunset soon, right? So we've got the sunsets. Inpex Sunset Stage Darwin Festival. Not many tickets left, I believe. Now, that's a trip. Elisa Healy, the most alpha – I believe the most alpha figure in Australian cricket right now, and she's about to have – Is she in the power rankings? Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, yeah. Big time.
She might have just been ahead of us.
Yeah.
I'll have a word to it.
Yeah. They were important rankings. Very important. And they mean things. Exactly. But before then as well, as we've said, we will be at the Chapel Foundation dinner in a purely social capacity. Someone noted last week that I used the term supporting youth homelessness. Now, just to clarify, I don't support the existence of it at all. I'd like to eradicate it.
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Chapter 3: How does the media influence perceptions of the England cricket team?
I almost said RIP, but he's just not playing. Rest in not playing, which is incorrect there. Anyway, he said, Kane obviously speaks about it quite a lot. We score runs, but they're never our runs. We're just custodians of those runs for the team. We try to do things for the team. Just custodians of the runs.
No runs will ever be our runs.
No milk will ever be our milk. It's very socialist, isn't it?
I mean, look- I'm actually really happy to hear this because I've been looking at this New Zealand team. Not many have, but I've been. And I see a good bowling lineup. I see catches now being taken. I see runs atop the order. I see Henry Nicholls coming in for Kane. vindicating that decision, strumming 100.
But I've not been seeing some serious skeleton shit and now I'm seeing it with this kind of comment.
Mm-hmm.
Runs are the most selfish thing in sport. Yeah. Cricket creates provision for selfishness. Anyone who suggests that runs are for other people are lying to you. They are carrying a pretense of being a 10 out of 10 bloke and that means there's skeletons in the closet. So I'm glad to hear it. This is a quote that we're meant to trust from a bloke who batted in fucking Sonny. Mate, spot on.
Now, sadly, he did take them off when he brought up his maiden ton. Now, I would have accepted it. He does wear dirty Oakleys, though. So, I mean, I did have to check what the brown was. He might have been filming. He might have been filming at the time. I don't know if he's got the rights to that footage, though. I don't know who owns that.
That's a rights category we need to speak to the administrators about. What about the meta? Anyway. The red light was flashing. Yeah, I mean, this idea that you're just a custodian of runs for others. It's a very wholesome, spiritually transcendent idea, but it's skeleton stuff and it can't be trusted. So the skellies are here now with these kinds of comments. Here we go. They've turned up.
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Chapter 4: What does the future hold for Stokes and McCullum in England cricket?
He can probably do that. Yeah, he can probably do it. He's doing well.
Yeah, I agree. I don't think Root's captaincy is really the story out of this, particularly now that Stokes has – everything's coming up Ben Stokes in this situation. What a week. We'll get to it. But before we get to it, the real story of the game, which is the Durham game. Yeah, I felt like this test was very gentle, very gentle from England. It was quiet watching it.
Like when you're an Aussie who watches games England play other than against Australia, you realise what people mean when they say England cares about the Ashes only.
Yeah.
This was some fucking village shit from England. Let's be right. And mitigating circumstances, no doubt about it. I mean, it even felt weird at the Oval, which is this place that seems to be a place for debutantes or scratch teams or things changing within England cricket. It felt weird that it was at the start of the season for them or whatever. Everything about it is weird.
Yeah.
For New Zealand, a game of like meaningful hundreds and impressive bowling plans and outstanding wicket keeping. And for England, just like gentle and callow, like bad hours and catches going down and part-time spin and runouts and blokes getting thirties and debutants just getting bombed or, you know, just blowing blokes pads off with keepers up to the stumps. That was sort of the...
That was the vibe. And it took New Zealand five days to do it, but it was just dominance, particularly after that just horrendous hour England had on the start of day two. Yeah. And, yeah, you know, we talked to Dooley later and it's kind of like, you know, England win the first test and they lose the second test. Yeah, that's right. You know- Yeah, it's a depth thing as well.
I mean, it's probably the case for most international teams, but you just wonder, fuck, no Root, no Stokes, what the hell is this team with England? But you could probably say that about a lot of teams, really.
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Chapter 5: What are the expectations for Ben Stokes in the upcoming matches?
The English public are behind Ben Stokes. It's funny you should say that. We were standing outside a very fine establishment in South London the other night having a couple of quiet Guinnesses post-play, and I said, I can just see it. I can see Ben Stokes walking out the bat, smashing 70 not out, winning the game for England, and... You know, everybody is going, get out and get on the piss, Ben.
You know, go for it. Good luck to you. Well done. Come on, England. You know, it's just one of those situations. You can see it happening. He is that type of character. And, you know, watching him walk out at Durham yesterday, we had the live feed on while we were working on the test match. We had the live feed on.
from Durham just keeping an eye on it and he was just blazing it away to 95 before he got his off pole knocked out but you know all the players we talked to in and around the group that knew him had spoken to him said he was absolutely fine he was sort of just looking forward to getting back out on the park for Durham again and and there didn't seem to be any issues so
it's going to be good to see him back. But he'll come back to a hero's welcome. You just guarantee when he walks out to bat or when he leads England out on that park, they will be up and they will be cheering for him because they absolutely love him as a cricketer and they love what he's done for the most part, take away the ashes, as an England player.
Dooley, the impression from Australia is that England won the first test and then England lost the second test. So what does New Zealand have to do to get involved in the series? LAUGHTER
Yeah, I don't know. It's a really tough one, actually, because, I mean, Matt Henry wasn't very good, was he? And, you know, Nicholls, I mean, what's 120 at the Oval? That's not much, is it? Glenn Phillips, he didn't wear many bouncers from Joffra, did he, in that afternoon session? So, no, they were just kind of okay, weren't they? And, yeah, England didn't play well, so that's why they lost.
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Chapter 6: What challenges does New Zealand face in the current cricket series?
Look, it's just... The New Zealand side's a good side, and Matt Henry's numbers, we had them up yesterday, just phenomenal since Trent Bolts retired, and he had a very sporadic start to his test career. It's a good side. I thought they'd miss Kane Williamson a lot. What Henry Nicholls has been able to do in the last six, eight months in domestic cricket is bang the door down.
Are they a top one, two side in the world? No. But that's kind of where New Zealand's at. We're always going to be in that three, four, five ranking, I think. In world cricket, we'll beat some sides, we'll lose to some sides, and we'll be very good at home generally. And that's, if you look back across the history of New Zealand cricket, it's kind of how we've been.
Speaking of Henry Nicholls, he's got three test centuries in his last six tests, which have come three years apart. So he got 200 against Sri Lanka in March in 23.
Chapter 7: How has Henry Nicholls performed recently in international cricket?
He got 150 against Zim in August last year, then 120, of course, this week. I feel like that says a lot about his opportunities, but also New Zealand cricket's opportunities as well.
Yeah, and also, I mean, we haven't played a lot of test match cricket, but we have played a bit in that time. I think Kane was unavailable for that Zimbabwe series last year. And I think someone was injured, whether Will Young or Kane was injured with the 200 ball. three years ago. So he had a good run. He had a really good run for quite a long time, Henry Nicholls.
And then after a double hundred or a big hundred at the basin, he had five or six low scores and then got left out of the side. And they just asked him to go back and score runs. And he wasn't hanging around waiting for a retirement. He scored, what, 700 or 800 runs in the four-day comp this year, an average of 99. He peeled off three... limited over 350 over centuries, I think, in the season.
So he's just ground his way back into it. And it's something, you know, over that great period of Australian cricket that I just used to admire. You used to look around and guys like Martin Love and Stewie Law and Lehman, they'd have 25 first-class entries and couldn't even get a go. And so you're asking players to just go out, get runs and bang the door down.
And as soon as Kane retired, he was sort of first cab off the rank. And he's a pretty tough bugger too. He's got a little bit of mongrel in him, Henry Nicholls, and he loves the fight.
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Chapter 8: What are the implications of privatisation in Australian cricket?
And it was just good to see him back.
You mentioned Australia dually, and New Zealand are coming out to Australia this summer, and Australians will do the performative thing of saying we don't think about the Kiwis at all. But I look at the bowling attack, and you've got some big menacing quicks there. You've got Jammo, there's Willow Rourke, I don't know where Ben Sears is at at the moment, Nathan Smith and Matt Henry.
Yeah.
I mean, do you dare to dream? I know as a Kiwi you're going to talk it down. That's what you guys do.
No, we're going to win. Is it our best opportunity for a long time? I would have thought that it was a tour a few years ago that I thought was probably our best opportunity when I felt Bolt and Sally were probably, you know, almost at their best. We didn't really get the runs. It's always about the runs in Australia. I think our bowling attack would be fine. And you mentioned those names.
And when you look through, I was watching the warm-ups yesterday. the other morning, yesterday morning actually, and you've got Blair Tickner sitting on the sides as well.
So there was Tickner, Sears warming up outside, and then you had O'Rourke, Jamison, Henry, and Nathan Smith, who's I think in time going to become a pretty good all-rounder and a very good sort of third, fourth seamer who can bat number eight, and he will get some test match 50s over his career, I think. So It's a nice combination of what you've got. O'Rourke just looks awful.
Everyone in the con box, all the ex-players are just like, oh, he looks nasty. It's just one of those blokes that just looks awful to face. So he gets it right. Sears looked like he was right back to full sort of pace in the nets. Tickner's done a great job with the old ball. It's something you have to do well in Australia.
If an Australian side gets away on you, you know, that older ball becomes crucial, so he could play a role there at some stage. Four test matches, so I think that's a really fair...
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