Menu
Sign In Search Podcasts Libraries Charts People & Topics Add Podcast API Blog Pricing
Podcast Image

The Hauraki Big Show

COLD CUTS: Plastic Jizz

14 Jun 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

1.145 - 31.366

The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed, the hives there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. The time is 5.47. Now, fellas, you'll be aware of the fact that I've moved to the CBD. One of the best decisions I've made in my life. Absolutely love it. What's the name of your apartment again? No. The Jizz Palace.

0

35.953 - 61.706

Yeah, okay. Well, after this story, I'm tempted to name it the Jizz Palace because there's one thing that I've got a bit of a bone to pick about living in the city with. Uber Eats. Now, Friday night, let me take you through it, fellas. And I know this is First World Problems. Now, just quickly before you start, did this thing on Friday night, did it bug you at all? Yeah, it bugged me. Okay, good.

0

62.969 - 81.768

It's been bugging me. That's four stings, man. That's a record. Get home, and this often happens at my house on a Friday night. What are we going to have for dinner? No one, you know, my wife and I, oh, I don't know. And I said, leave it with me. You know, I'll get Uber Eats. What a hero. I know.

0

82.729 - 83.27 Mike Minogue

Leave it with me.

0

84.431 - 108.81

So I finally, you know, I go through it. What about this place? Blah, blah, blah. You finally get a place. I'll just order some stuff. Boom, boom, boom, done. Okay, so I order the food on Uber Eats and then I'm sitting there and I get a message nearly there from the driver. And I'm like, oh, God, that was quick. Because I said it'd be like 20, 25 minutes. And I went, oh, okay. Coming down.

108.79 - 115.643

Not happy. Coming down, I said, because I like to go and meet them out the front. I don't like them to go into my apartment.

115.743 - 124.98 Mike Minogue

Can I ask a question? Yes. When he says nearly there or whatever was said, are you looking on the app there and you can see where the vehicle is? And the ETA?

Chapter 2: What challenges did the host face with Uber Eats?

125.02 - 125.321 Mike Minogue

Yes.

0

125.661 - 149.636

Yes. And what I often find, because that's why I was quite surprised. I was like, oh, well, that's weird because it seemed like it was still a fair amount of time away. So I go down there, I wait outside. And now I've got to tell you my history of Uber Eats in this particular place. It's never been successful. So I'm sitting there and he goes, I've arrived. And I'm like, good, I'm here.

0

149.816 - 149.996 Mike Minogue

Yeah.

0

150.156 - 150.837

I'm out the front.

0

151.057 - 155.622 Mike Minogue

You're looking at your app now. You can see that he's right outside your house. He's right there.

155.802 - 157.424

He's on the street.

157.664 - 158.024 Mike Minogue

Ah, yes.

158.685 - 177.424

And I go, okay, well, you're not here because I'm standing outside the apartment. And he goes, oh, okay, just give me a minute. Nothing. Then he calls me and he goes, oh, I'm nearly there. And I'm thinking, okay, he obviously got the wrong place. He's coming down to me. And I go, okay, great.

178.113 - 203.07

Then I'm sitting there, nothing happens for a couple of minutes, and I go, text him, and I go, so where are you? Are you looking at the picture of his car on the map? Yes, but it's just showing it sort of wobbling around on the street, basically. And then before he even answers, I get, your blah, blah, blah has been delivered. Rate your driver. And I'm like... Right. What?

Chapter 3: How did the host's dinner plans change after a delivery mishap?

237.023 - 240.707

And I was effing and jeffing like you wouldn't believe, fellas.

0

240.807 - 242.849 Mike Minogue

Well, I think you're over it now, though. Yeah.

0

244.231 - 264.074

Ringing back again, and then I get the Uber line, and it's saying, if you've got a complaint to make or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, then you need to do this, this, this, and this. Meantime, I spent 80 bucks on this, and some other bastard's got my food. Yeah. I'm effing and jeffing. All of this on an empty stomach. All of this on an empty stomach. I was hangry. True story.

0

264.094 - 281.201

I go back up to the apartment. Evan and Jeff and my wife say, oh, what a disaster. Why don't we just get some Dirty Bird? Yeah, right. I don't want to promote this particular thing. And we went, yeah, just do it, babe. Let's just do it. She said, I'll drive and go and get it because the Uber here is just useless. Oh, you just like leave it with me, babe. Yeah.

0

281.922 - 303.918

So she drives off to the nearest Dirty Bird shop. Right. Both my wife and I hate their chips. We don't like their chips. Oh, really? No, we hate them. So my wife goes there and orders the chicken and says, we don't want any chips. Can you give us two tubs of coleslaw? No problem. So you'd rather eat the coleslaw than the chips? Yes, absolutely.

303.938 - 306.282 Mike Minogue

That's a strange replacement. Not a potato and gravy guy?

306.643 - 309.588

We've got potato and gravy and coleslaw, but we don't want chips.

309.888 - 310.129 Mike Minogue

Right.

310.449 - 339.626

Okay? My wife comes home, comes in with a big bag of Dirty Bird, opens it up. What's in the bag, fellas? Chips. Three lots of chips, potato and gravy, and the driest Dirty Bird six-pack you will ever shove into your gob. Any coleslaw? But shove it, you did. No coleslaw. Just three lots of chips, no coleslaw, two little tubs of potato and gravy, and the driest chicken I've ever eaten in my life.

Chapter 4: What was the outcome of the host's Uber Eats experience?

339.826 - 341.668 Mike Minogue

How many buzzies out of five?

0

341.648 - 363.328

0.1 busies. And in fact, I was so riled up by the stage, I just refused to eat and went to bed. Yeah, nice. That's the one, man. Silent treatment, Packer said. You should have gone to Reburger. Well, this is what I said in the outro, you know. I was like, damn it, why didn't I just get Reburger? I can't believe.

0

364.008 - 393.138

And I know where they went again, and they always go to the same place when they're Uber Eats, and it's clearly not my place. Got you good. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki. Let's see who's joining Gerry and Mania on the Export Ultra Grand Final Bear Garden Tour. Yeah, we don't know what it is exactly, do we? No. The grand final. In October. In October in Australia.

0

393.218 - 414.23

In Sydney. In Sydney, yeah. In Sydney, Australia. Sydney in Australia, is it? Sydney in Australia. The Sydney, Australia. So tell me, Pugson, what's the actual prize? Three nights in Sydney in a five-star hotel, return flights, races, races? And Harbour Cruise. Does that mean going to the races? Yeah, I think so, yeah.

0

414.41 - 428.372

Okay, and Harbour Cruise and, of course, the grand final experience as well, and that's joining Gerry Minaya and ACC head G Lane. Now, am I right in saying the idea here is that we're trying to find backbones that are going to make this trip as punishing as possible for those fellas? Yep.

428.437 - 436.889 Mike Minogue

I think that makes sense. I mean, I want to go and have a grand final experience. So if I can't go, then why should they enjoy their grand final experience?

437.189 - 461.604

I agree. Let's go to the phone lines. G'day, Nevin, you massive backbone. How's life? Yeah, good, thanks, fellas. How are you guys? Yeah, good, thanks, Nevin. Tell me, mate, what do you do for a crust? Oh, I'm just your casual everyday sign writer. Oh, yeah, good on you, mate. If you heard what you were just saying there, we're looking for people to really punish the guys when they get away.

462.005 - 485.307

Basically, get on the hammer responsibly, very early doors, and just never stop chatting and talking to them and being in their faces. I mean, do you think you're capable of something like that, Nevin? Oh, absolutely, boys. I'd love to just get in the face of G-Lane and just show him up and show him how it's really done. Yeah, yeah. That's the right attitude. Yeah, man. Yeah, good stuff.

485.487 - 509.252

All right, Bevan. Great news for you, mate. You're in the draw. Awesome. Thanks, fellas. Good on you, mate. G'day, Jimmy, you mad bastard. How's life? Life's great, brother. How are you? Yeah, good. Thanks, mate. Good. Can you be a pain in the ass, Jimmy? Oh, I could try. I'd certainly have a good go at it. Yeah, yeah. How would you do it, Jimmy? Oh, I don't know.

Chapter 5: How does the host feel about the food delivery service?

530.716 - 536.029

Yeah, give them a good old fish and stiff arm, yeah. Yeah, the old stiff arm, Jimmy.

0

536.049 - 537.592 Mike Minogue

And just scream at them on the ground.

0

537.753 - 558.277

That's how you play rugby, there you go. Good on you, Jimmy. You're in the draw too, mate. Thanks very much, boys. Good on you, mate. Yeah, good stuff. Yeah, well, I mean... It is one of those things because whatever it's going to be, it'll be pretty spectacular. It will be. A lot of people wanting to get involved. I know that you would want to get involved.

0

558.297 - 576.586 Mike Minogue

I'd love to get involved in that. Also, it's a one-off, and that's about the rugby league, Jase. That's not the sort of thing you go along to and you just get hammered at. Yes. Particularly if the Waves are playing. That wouldn't be why I'd be there at all. I mean, I've been to one of the grand finals before with the Warriors. I watched us lose in 2010. That would have been huge.

0

576.646 - 588.879 Mike Minogue

Missed the one in 2012. But if they get back there again, I'm going again. Oh, mate. It just doesn't sit right for me that it's with the Breakfast guys. It really doesn't. Especially with the big show.

588.899 - 600.712

I mean, we bleed rugby league on this show. I don't get it, man. It's that grand final. Was that that great Stacey Jones try? That's right. I remember that scything through the gap like the genius he was. Yeah.

601.293 - 610.077 Mike Minogue

Yeah. We were robbed that day. Oh, must be. White Stripes.

613.182 - 636.156

The Hodaki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki. Faith no more there on the Radio Hodaki Big Show this Tuesday evening. The time is for 5.51. Hey, by the way, even though Keezy's not here today, Mogi, we're still going to do What's On The Dinner With Me Pug Sound. Oh, with me, Pugson. No, what's on the D? Oh, what's on the D with me?

636.176 - 646.592

Oh, yeah, what's on the D? With me, Pugson. So text through 3483 what you're having on the D, what your name is and where you're texting from, and we'll get into that after six.

Chapter 6: What alternative dinner option did the host consider?

646.612 - 672.994

$50 rebug of vouchers up for grabs. Every text goes in the drawer. Mogi, I was thinking today, you know, I'm in pretty good shape. Compared to? Compared to a lot of people. You know, often people go, geez, you're looking good, Jase. But it's like. People say that to you. Yeah, people say that to me all the time, you know. All the time.

0

673.154 - 692.659

And you've heard this sort of people talking about how as you get older, you've got to take more care of yourself. You've got to exercise. You know, you've got to build up your strength. You've got to focus more on that sort of stuff, you know, because if you don't use it, you lose it. That's true. And I've been thinking about that, you know, and I pound the gym and I exercise all the time.

0

692.76 - 696.086

And I was just saying to myself today, you know what, I'm over it.

0

696.386 - 696.627 Mike Minogue

Yeah.

0

696.807 - 719.645

I'm over this. I mean, I don't know if you agree about this, but I feel like I've earned my stripes. You know, I've done all that sort of stuff and I've reached the age now where I should be able to just get work done. You know what I mean? Forget all this exercise and whatever have you. Sort of health stuff. The health stuff. I don't need to do that anymore. I mean, I'm rich as, man.

720.226 - 730.918

Why am I doing all this when I can just get work done? Get my buzzies tightened. Oh, work done. Yeah, what did you think I said? Well, do some work. Oh, no, no, work done.

731.579 - 732.58 Mike Minogue

What's he talking about?

732.6 - 754.119

Like, buzzy tightening. You know, because you guys were having a few jokes yesterday about the fact that I'm wearing a tight sweatshirt and my buzzies are very sort of pretty. I can get those. You know, the other thing, and you can relate to this big time, Mogi. I've got no arse left. Yep. So shove a few things in my arse, you know what I mean? Just a couple of, you know, what do they call those?

754.179 - 763.272

Implants. Yes. You know, a couple of arse implants. I mean, I've earned my stripes. I should be able to just get this stuff done, pay it off. I agree.

Comments

There are no comments yet.

Please log in to write the first comment.