She’s successful, impressive, accomplished… and secretly miserable. If that hits a little too close to home, this episode is for you. Hilary is calling out the high-achieving hamster wheel that so many women are stuck on—working their asses off, racking up accolades, and still feeling like something’s missing. Sound familiar? That’s because you’ve been chasing a version of success that was never meant to satisfy you, just the people clapping from the sidelines. In this episode, Hilary breaks down the real reason success isn’t scratching the itch—and why being self-centered (yes, self-centered) is the antidote. Not the selfish kind. The sane, grounded, peaceful, fulfilled kind. Episode Highlights: The lie high-achieving women are sold (and why it keeps you stuck) How to recognize when you’re chasing validation instead of real joy The myth of “I'll be happy when...” and how to break it 3 real steps to start living life on your terms—today Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Why High-Achieving Women Still Feel Empty [02:06] How to Break the Burnout Cycle [03:54] Two Choices: Keep Performing or Prioritize Yourself [04:15] What Self-Centered Really Means [05:30] Step 1: Audit Your Life [06:24] Step 2: Redefine Success for You [06:55] Step 3: Start Making Self-Centered Decisions [07:37] Why People Might Not Like the New You (and That’s Fine) [08:09] Choose to be happy, NOW. If you're tired of being exhausted, overextended, and secretly questioning if this is all there is—Hilary’s here to say: hell no, it’s not. It’s time to stop chasing and start choosing you. Because you’re not too much. You’ve just been aiming at the wrong finish line. Hit play. It’s time for a self-centered glow-up.
Chapter 1: Why do successful women still feel empty despite their achievements?
I've spent over 25 years inside the minds of high-achieving women. Women who've built the career, she's worked her ass off, checked every box, did everything right, and yet still feels like something's missing. It's the woman who looks like she has it all on the outside, but secretly wonders, why don't I feel happy? Why don't I feel fulfilled? What is wrong with me? I'll tell you what's wrong.
Chapter 2: What is the lie high-achieving women are sold about success?
You've been sold a version of success that was never designed to fulfill you. And today I'm showing you exactly how to break free and find more joy and satisfaction. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Since childhood, you've been conditioned to believe that success will make you happy. Accomplishments will give you confidence.
And when you get there, everything will feel right. So you did the work, you hit the goals, and you made it. But instead of fulfillment, the target just keeps moving. And every time you hit a new goal, there's always another one right behind it. You thought once you hit six figures or got the promotion or built the dream life, you'd finally feel fulfilled.
Chapter 3: Why does chasing external success fail to bring fulfillment?
But instead, that target just moves further and further away. The more you achieve, the more you feel like you should be grateful and happy. But when you're not, you don't question the system, you question yourself. And it makes you feel even worse than you already do for not being grateful for what you have. This is not your fault.
Chapter 4: How does the achievement treadmill affect high-achieving women?
It's what I call the plight of the high achiever, running and running and running on the achievement treadmill. It's a never-ending cycle that keeps women running after that feeling. that you've arrived to a place where you can just finally rest and relax and feel deeply satisfied, that you are in fact good enough.
Chapter 5: What does it mean to become truly self-centered in a healthy way?
It's the constantly seeking and chasing and proving that has you overworked, underwhelmed, and forever striving, but never arriving. And if you don't break free, you will eventually burn out and you will wake up 10 years from now just as unfulfilled, but less time to do anything about it. So how do you stop the cycle? You stop chasing external success and you become self-centered.
Chapter 6: How does early conditioning influence the drive to achieve?
Here's the truth you may not know. Much of the drive to achieve comes from a deep subconscious need to feel good enough. Early experiences and messaging taught you that achieving and winning or doing well means attention, praise, or love. And sadly even, when you fell short, sometimes it meant criticism.
So you've built this wall of fame, as I call it, and your mantle of trophies, checking all the boxes that prove just how smart you are, how capable you are, how deserving you are. It is all the evidence that you've racked up that you are significant and deserving or good enough and worthy of being seen or even loved.
Chapter 7: Why is self-worth not dependent on external achievements?
But no amount of money, accolades, success, or attention will ever be enough to fulfill you. And chasing after it only keeps it elusive because your worth and your enoughness has nothing to do with what you've achieved or anything else about what you've done. It is not contingent upon external sources. Your worth is inherent and inside of you.
But in all of that efforting, everyone else gets to stay comfortable, but not you. So your boss, your friends, your partner, your children, the community, Everyone else gets to stay comfortable, but not you. And the second you stop playing the game, some people will question you and even try to make you feel guilty for it. You say no and suddenly you're selfish.
Chapter 8: What are the challenges and choices when prioritizing yourself?
You stop overworking and suddenly you're not dedicated enough. You put yourself first and people just don't get it. Maybe they see you differently or start to think different things about you and pull away. Sound familiar? So you have two choices right now. keep playing by the rules that were never meant to serve you, or finally become the center of your own life.
That second choice, that's where your freedom is. And it all starts with being self-centered. Self-centered. not other-centered, self-centered. Can you feel that shift? Being self-centered is not selfish like we've all been conditioned to believe. It's not about taking from others at their expense. It's about prioritizing yourself so that you are fulfilled and whole and happy and healthy
and have something left to give. You are giving from an overflowing cup because right now you are running on empty. You're pouring from a cup that has nothing in it, hoping that nobody sees just how exhausted and depleted you are, and no one knows that you are privately struggling and hanging on by a thread. Who benefits from that? I guarantee you it is not you, my love.
It is your boss and your colleagues and your friends and your family. They do. But when you become self-centered, everything shifts. The exhaustion lifts. The fulfillment you've finally been chasing for, it finally arrives. It just slowly fills you up from the inside. But where do you start? I'm going to share three actions that you can take right now.
And the best place to start is actually with my free video training called This Changes Everything. And over the last two decades, I've helped thousands of women stop all the proving and seeking. So if you're ready for that, just click the link in the show notes or in the description to get immediate access if you're interested and you want to check it out.
So action number one to becoming self-centered and finally feeling full is to audit your life. No more lying to yourself. Look at every part of your life and ask yourself these three questions. Did I actually choose this? Does this still make sense for me? Am I relying on this to feel good about myself or do I authentically enjoy this? If the answer is no, Stop pretending.
Stop convincing yourself that you still want things that drain you. Stop keeping the commitments that don't serve you anymore. And stop waiting for permission to let things go. If it doesn't fit, it goes. Because if you don't clear the space, there will be no room for the life that you actually want. You have to clear it out and make room for what it is that you really want in your life.
Action number two, redefine success on your terms. If your definition of success was handed to you by someone else, you will always feel unfulfilled. If you don't care about climbing the ladder, stop. If you want to take a year off and travel, do it. So what does success actually mean to you? If it means working less, playing more, feeling more alive, choose that.
Because if the goal isn't yours, the happiness won't be either. And action number three, make self-centered decisions every single day. This means saying no when you mean no, not explaining yourself when no explanation is needed, not shrinking yourself to make other people comfortable. At first, people won't like it. So what? And I say, good. It's not meant for them to like it.
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