Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside access to cutting-edge hypnosis with real clients facing genuine issues. Brought to you by the hypnotherapist demanded by celebrities, CEOs and even royalty, Adam Cox. These recordings took place live from Evans Clinic in London's world-famous Harley Street. So, get yourself comfortable and enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
hi it's adam here now i'm going to ask you a question and i really want you to think about it first do you tend to avoid conflict you avoid having difficult conversations you avoid wanting to let someone down or if there's a decision which definitely someone isn't going to like you just delay making that decision
If so, I think you're going to get some value from this because it was created, this particular hypnosis session for a client that was very, very successful. And I would say of all the clients that I've worked with, the personal level of focus and determination, probably up there with the highest I've ever worked with, has been able to accomplish incredible things personally.
individually in terms of, let's say, health, fitness, business, very, very capable person. And yet, interpersonally, their desire to consider other people too much and to avoid conflict actually in certain cases was making things worse. because it meant that they were being inconsistent, flip-flopping, backtracking. Those kind of things weren't really working for them.
So there is a timeline structure to this hypnosis session. where they go back to a time where they had what they considered the highest level of personal resolve, where they were doing an Ironman triathlon. Now, if you ever heard of this, it's one of the most extreme things that you can do. It's swimming, cycling for kilometers and kilometers, and then kind of ending, I think,
It ends with a marathon after you've done all of these things. It's an intense thing. And they knew that they'd prepared and they knew they had the psychological and emotional resolve to do that. So it harnesses that and then says, right, where did they not quite get it right?
A memory where their willingness to avoid conflict actually caused a bigger problem than if they would have just been resolute right from the start. So they get to see it as it was, see it as they would want it to be, live it the way they would want it to be with two key things, that feeling of being resolute, having that personal resolve, but also introducing clear boundaries.
You can't hold the line if you don't know what the line is. And therefore communication is such an important part of this. But if someone violates something you've clearly communicated, that doesn't necessarily mean malicious intent. It could just be
a lack of thinking it could be habitual it could be you know just kind of a misunderstanding so giving people chances if something's really important to you and they just violate that if the intention is kind of good or just like not malicious, that's a good reason to do that.
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Chapter 2: How can avoiding conflict impact personal relationships?
So it introduces that and then future paces to a situation that hasn't happened yet, but they knew that difficult conversations may be required, but the preparation stage of having communication in these key areas in advance would mitigate and reduce a lot of those potential issues. So I want you to think of something in your life where you
Boundaries are necessary, difficult conversations either have happened or could happen, and you want to feel absolutely resolute, full of resolve that you will say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done, even if it means ruffling a few feathers every now and then, so that you have the kind of dynamics that kind of work for you. Now, consideration is a two-way street.
If you're expecting everyone else to abide by your boundaries, but you disregard other people's boundaries, that doesn't make you considerate. That makes you a tyrant. So again, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you're expecting other people to respect you, make sure you respect other people as well. Then it's balanced.
But if you're doing lots of respect, if you're being very considerate and that doesn't go back to you, Boundaries are probably very useful. And if you've been avoiding conflict and difficult conversations as a reason not to introduce those boundaries, this session I think is going to be very useful. Now, it was created for an individual client.
I would say it's statistically unlikely that you've done an Ironman and therefore you can't go back to that memory to harness the time when you had resolve in the highest abundance for you. But you will have a different memory. You will have a memory where you were at your highest level of feeling resolute, in which case...
ignore the feeling, the memory of an Ironman and kind of, let's say, swimming and cycling and running and go back to your memory. And if you do like the idea of having a bespoke session working directly with me, look in the description. There's a few things that you can do there to either take a suitability test or watch a webinar about working with me.
And that will show you exactly what to do to make it possible to work with me one-on-one rather than just listening to recordings. But for now, you might get some real value from this session. So find a quiet, comfortable place where you won't be distracted or disturbed. Relax and enjoy the session. Take a deep breath in.
and as you breathe in breathe in that resourceful feeling of calm and relaxation and as you exhale just allow your eyelids to close and as they close just feel that release a release of any tension any stress
any worries, slowly, incrementally, being released and leaving your body every outward breath, that's it, and when you breathe in, breathe in deeper than you normally would, and as you exhale, just allow that outward breath to continue, until there's nothing left, diaphragm empty. Noticing the vacuum you create facilitates the next, deeper breath.
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Chapter 3: What role does personal resolve play in setting boundaries?
A country that have laws that aren't enforced becomes lawless. A relationship where agreements are broken loses respect and love quickly.
and I want you to imagine seeing that version of you up on that screen, handling that situation, where you're clearly communicating, and you are resolute in your consequences, and I want you to see, that that version of you is not stubborn, not headstrong, but steadfast,
and the only circumstances that things would change is if something has materially changed that might be a level of accountability that might be evidence it might be something else and even then I want you to see that version of you that even if facts have changed
that nature, to believe in people, to hope for the best, that impulse moment, is reflected upon, carefully considered, and even if it's agreed, it becomes conditional, not a flip-flop, not a backtrack but a new agreement clearly communicated with consequences clearly communicated stated in if x then y there is clarity but only if after careful consideration It makes sense to do that.
Many people perceive an act of kindness to be an act of weakness. Too much consideration, too much kindness, just means respect goes down, not up. And when you've seen that memory the way you would want it to be, with these qualities and this way of making a strong decision. When you see yourself holding the line, let me know by nodding your head.
And then rewind it to the beginning, step into the screen and then feel what it would feel like.
from that first person perspective to do things the way you would have wanted to have done if that same level of personal resolve was there in interpersonal situations holding onto the rule that if it feels like you're afraid of a conversation then you must have that conversation that when you communicate things clearly
you've now communicated the line if the line gets crossed that's either a chance or a consequence an intent is important there if someone disrespectfully, defiantly crosses the line clearly communicated there's no need for a chance because the intent is malicious
if however the intention is good but the line gets crossed it's a wonderful opportunity for a chance but if the intention is good and the line continues to be crossed the consequence is inevitable not because you're being unfair
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