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Chapter 1: What fears of rejection or abandonment does the client experience?
welcome to the hypnotist the show that gives you inside access to cutting-edge hypnosis with real clients facing genuine issues brought to you by the hypnotherapist demanded by celebrities ceos and even royalty adam cox these recordings took place live from adams clinic in london's world-famous harley street so get yourself comfortable and enjoy today's episode of the hypnotist
Hi, it's Adam here. Now, have you ever been worried or scared or afraid of being rejected or abandoned? If so, you might find this session helpful or at least useful. I was working with a client that throughout their childhood, they had a sneaking suspicion that they were a low priority as far as their father was concerned. They didn't feel loved or wanted or
or supported or appreciated by their father. And it reached a point where they made a decision, at a fairly mature decision at a young age of about 13 or 14, that they weren't going to tolerate this lack of love anymore. So they kind of cut ties with their father. And in doing so, it gave them a lot of clarity.
Chapter 2: How did the client's childhood affect their relationships?
They didn't have to second guess anymore. They could just have a clean slate. Now that's a very wonderful thing but the problem is that it taught them that if there's any anxiety about whether or not they are wanted or loved or have the attention of someone else, just by cutting them gives a lot of certainty.
Now it was a good decision with their father to do that because that decision was made over many years. But they were finding themselves doing that in situations where they might not have got a text message or a call in a few days. And then they would very quickly block or unfollow people to have that certainty. And what this session does is it makes them feel resilient and confident.
and even curious that if someone isn't giving them the level of attention or love or affection or just presence that they want they can just be curious they can observe that without having to rush to make a decision and still have the right to make that decision as to whether or not they want to invest in friendships or relationships of any kind so this is very useful if you find yourself
Let's say jumping before you're pushed. If there is a fear of being abandoned, so you go first, then the essence of this hypnosis session might be quite useful for you.
Chapter 3: What strategies help the client manage their fears?
So this could be quite useful. If you like the idea of working with me, what I'd encourage you to do is there is a webinar that I've created that actually has lots of different ways of understanding how I work and what I do, what hypnosis is good for, what it's not good for. And there's two set suggestibility tests that take about a minute each.
So you'll find out if you're a great candidate for hypnosis.
or not so if those kind of things appeal for you check out the link in the comments and the description to schedule and register for that webinar and there's a very special bonus of 10 downloads if you listen to the very end of that webinar as well so check that out for now though find a quiet comfortable place where you won't be distracted or disturbed relax and enjoy the session
take a deep breath in and as you breathe in breathe in a slow long breath of pure relaxation And as you exhale, allow yourself to release any feelings of stress, worry, any echoes of uncertainty. Just allow it to leave your body in that outward breath. breathing in that resourceful feeling of calm and relaxation, and as you exhale, allow your body to settle, to calm, to relax, to connect,
Chapter 4: How can curiosity replace the need for certainty in relationships?
and your nervous system has been working very hard lately it's been running that background alarm that has been consuming energy but right here right now there is nothing that alarm needs to protect you from here there is only your breath your own presence, and genuine safety. And just notice things like the temperature of the room, the surface beneath you. Feel solid, supported,
that chair can hold your body weight without being asked your body can trust and support now the deeper you breathe the more relaxed you feel and the more relaxed you feel the deeper you breathe each breath takes you deeper
and deeper relaxed until you find a place within a place of calmness a place of stillness the center of yourself that that alarm never actually reached the place within where changes can happen and then ripple through
your past and your future to give you less of what you don't need and more of what you do and you know that part within you that part that became extra ordinarily skilled at reading signals
at sensing when someone's warmth was present and when it was withdrawing of interpreting intention when someone cared when they didn't when they were interested and when they weren't and this skill was not a flaw
this was a form of adaptation to help you survive that younger version of you learning that relationship with your father where that consistent warmth was not readily available think of that younger version of you and how
they developed a finely tuned antenna for the signals that predicted whether emotional safety was coming or going subtle things like a shift in tonality a few days with no contact a change in pattern
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Chapter 5: What role does self-compassion play in overcoming fears?
an absence where presence was expected. And that young version of you had that antenna that picks up exactly the precision it was trained to do. and I want you to think of that younger version of you with a great sense of pride a great deal of maturity the ability to discern to protect, to have boundaries so when you think of that younger version of you
you can hold that idea with compassion and not criticism this response was installed in a childhood designed to protect you a person who criticizes herself for having a fear response that was built before she could build it differently is being unkind to someone
that younger version of you who did exactly what they needed to do, the alarm was protection, and that alarm arrived before you could protect yourself, and now as an adult, you have resources that that younger version of you didn't have, and therefore the alarm system, the antenna can recalibrate and I want you to welcome that younger version of you perhaps think of a childhood home
i want you to meet them at your current age and see them that child version of you the one who first learned silence from someone could mean danger just allow that younger version of you to be present see the posture and the facial expressions
the quality of her alertness because that part is still within you still influencing, still trying to keep you safe but give that younger version of you a hug tell them they are loved they are important and tell them they're not getting anything wrong in fact compliment them on their empathy their emotional acuity their ability to read the room interpret expressions delays
tonality maybe that child within is tired from needing to pay attention and watch all the time so tell this younger version of you that you see them and you know why they've been doing this thank the younger version of you
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Chapter 6: How can adults recalibrate their responses to uncertainty?
for keeping you both safe the only way you knew how tell them that the situations that genuinely happened with your father are not the same situations as romantic relationships or even male friendships
tell this younger version of you that you know they feel the same because the signals are similar the silence, the uncertainty the inconsistencies but tell that younger version of you that you're an adult now and that you have resources you didn't have then tell that younger version of you that
you can handle uncertainty without it being dangerous that you can reach out and ask when you want to know something and the response doesn't have to be a particular way it can be what you didn't hope for and still be fine you can handle the truth Not every relationship that doesn't work out is abandonment or rejection. Sometimes it's just a lack of compatibility and that's okay.
So tell that younger part within you that she can rest now. The watching, the alertness can slow down. that child within has been too responsible, but tell that younger child that you are here now, you are paying attention, and you can handle whatever comes, and just allow that younger part to receive this, and maybe they seem to relax or smile,
that the weight of that responsibility on that childlike part within can finally be taken away from them the child who learned to watch for danger is safe now the adult you is here with resources, with voice and with the capacity and capability to handle what comes so the alertness and the watching and the avoidance can ease uncertainty in early relationships is not a signal of danger
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Chapter 7: What resources can empower individuals to handle rejection?
just a natural condition of two people still finding out about each other, and your unconscious can install the capacity to be comfortable in that not yet known, the same way you already do with female friendships,
with a female friend if they message for a few days and then stop it doesn't trigger that same response therefore your brain already knows how to be fine how to not need to overthink to replay what if the default is a relaxed assumption rather than an alarm no need to analyze and that anxious mind doesn't need to create certainty by running away or blocking
I wonder if your internal resources can feel that it's okay to not know to not have certainty to not need absolute reassurance that you can trust yourself that you will make the right decisions at the right time
with your father you naturally reached a conclusion over a period of time when it was right to have that boundary you already know the winning formula not to jump to conclusions but to accumulate sufficient experiences to know when
a relationship no longer serves your need it doesn't need to be an instant reaction it can be a thoughtful choice and don't forget that you have a voice a direct, warm, adult voice and that you can use it
could send a message a voice note you could call someone i've noticed we haven't talked in a while i wanted to check in is an act of self-respect rather than a risk to be managed because the fear was always of the response that by you creating certainty means you couldn't be rejected if you had already done the rejecting but at what cost? if uncertainty introduces a boundary
before you really know intentions, what if these walls don't keep you safe, but keep you separated, I want you to feel that, rejection is only possible if you allow it, and that's based on interpretation if someone doesn't want to spend time with you you can respect it accept it and still not make it about you but whatever happens you will be okay your worth is not determined
by someone else's evaluation of you so allow your unconscious to bring to mind a particular dynamic that maybe you reacted to quick the silence that's been triggering the alarm
imagine something that did trigger you in the past now being in your future and notice how you meet it from this place of new perspective silence arrives, something changes, the antenna picks it up but instead of the familiar cascade of overthinking and withdrawal
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