Outsmarting Narcissists: The Praise or Provoke Trap

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The Jefferson Fisher Podcast 20 min 1 speaker 1 chapter transcribed
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Jefferson Fisher 0:00
How do you talk to a narcissist? I know what you want to say. You don't. You don't, Jefferson. That's not reality. It sounds nice. It sounds really nice, but it's not reality. Why? Because more than likely, you're related to one. You're married to one. You work with one. Or you work for one. There are people who exhibit narcissistic behaviors everywhere, and there are those that we might deem a narcissist. How do you handle it? All that and more coming up. Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything. If you're listening to this right now, and if you're interested in improving your conversations, I'm going to ask you to please click subscribe or follow or like or leave a comment. Why? Because it tells whatever you're listening to, whatever platform, that this is good stuff.
Jefferson Fisher 1:00
And if you like learning good stuff, if you are interested in being a better communicator, listening to this podcast, I promise you will make you a better communicator. And that's my promise to you. Thank you very much. This episode is brought to you by Cozy Earth. Cozy Earth has these bamboo sheets. And let me tell you, they are on my bed at this moment. And they're incredible. It is so hot and humid here in Southeast Texas, but these bamboo sheets always keep me cool. And if you have bamboo sheets on your bed, you know what I'm talking about. You can't go back. And what's even cooler is that Cozy Earth has a 100-night trial where you can try them for 100 nights. If you don't like them, send them back. You're not going to want to because I did not.
Jefferson Fisher 1:47
And on top of that, they have a 10-year warranty for all bedding products, which is just incredible. You can go to CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson. Use the code Jefferson for 40% off. CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson. Use the code Jefferson for 40% off. It doesn't matter how hot it is outside. These are going to keep you cool and keep you cozy. Now, I'm not a therapist. I'm not a psychologist. You know this. I'm a trial attorney. That means I talk to a lot of people, usually in some of the most intense situations you can think of. Cross-examination is one of those. I can't think of anything that is more adversarial in a controlled way where people do not want to... Answer me. They don't want to respond, but they're required to under oath because they've done something where somebody is now calling them to the mat. They are now being held accountable for whatever they've done or they've said. So they don't typically want to talk to me. It's my job to ask questions in a way that is going to get facts, apply law to it, and advocate for my client.
Jefferson Fisher 2:52
One of those personalities that I see often are narcissists. And I say that as a general term of people who exhibit a strong pattern of narcissistic behavior. You know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. These are people that if I were to say narcissist to you right now, you could close your eyes and think of one person. You go, this is a narcissist. Somebody who always puts it to make it about themselves, always plays the victim, never takes accountability, has this inability to have empathy or sympathy or accountability for really anything. We're going to talk about that right now. You ready? Number one, there's a mindset that I want you to have when you're dealing with people who exhibit these narcissistic behaviors. And it is a game.
Jefferson Fisher 3:47
That's the mindset. That you are playing a game. And it's a game that I call praise or provoke. Meaning if I'm not showering these people with praise, oh, how great they are, how wonderful they are, how credible they are. If I'm not reading everything else on their resume and just blasting and gassing these people up, Well, they will turn to provoke an argument with me to try and create conflict where there is none. Why? To get that same level of satisfaction. They want to create a problem. They want to get me emotionally stimulated to where I am getting aggravated and upset. You know this. You can relate to this.

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