Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. That's just for Dice to hold. Yeah, he just holds on to them. Oh! And he holds on to them and then he swaps them out for a new one. Was the unlit cigarette like the original fidget spinner? Well, most people don't do it because most people, when they have a cigarette in their hand, they want to light it.
But Dice has got the ability to just hold on to the cigarette. Do you remember when candy cigarettes were a toy for kids? Yeah, I had those. Oh, yeah. They were priming you. Totally. And they would poof. Like sugar would come out. No, I don't remember that. Oh, yeah. You'd go poof. And like powder sugar would come out. Really? Yeah. Am I right, Jamie? Am I making that up?
I remember them just being like a candy that you suck on. Or was that just the cocaine my parents put on it? It was just a candy stick. A nasty chalk stick. Maybe there was a different one. Maybe there's more than one kind of candy cigarette. Couldn't you... There was like gummy cigars, I remember. Yeah.
And then the candy cigarettes that must have been them just trying to get you addicted to just like the motion of it or like participate with your parents or something. Yeah, it was just a way to sell candy, but probably also engineered by the tobacco companies. That was back when they were lying about cigarettes being addictive, too, and causing cancer.
They used to prescribe it to pregnant women, right? They used to prescribe it for kids with asthma. Yeah.
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Chapter 2: How did candy cigarettes influence childhood behavior?
You need to strengthen those lungs, that fella. And this is my favorite thing. Did they know? They already knew. Yeah, they already knew. They already knew. Everybody had to know. You smoke cigarettes for a while, you start coughing up black shit, you feel terrible. According to the internet, this pack did have some sort of, would blow smoke, according to this person on Facebook. Whoa.
It was just like sugar. I didn't remember a play lighter or a lighter battery, so. A battery? I don't know what that is. Smoke that would suck on this battery? Yeah. What the fuck? As kids, we would suck on actual batteries. Oh, yeah. Remember when you lick them? Dude, we would just try to lick them. Just the square ones? Yeah, the nine volts.
We'd be in school just like lick it, lick it, lick it. Yeah, we would lick it just to get a jolt in your tongue. It is wild. Yes, the phones are obviously very bad for kids, but when you think about the stuff we did as kids, I was just like, I would just hang out with a light socket for like two hours. It's all I needed. A paper clip, light socket. Light socket.
Or like a, yeah, the... Electric socket? Electric socket. You would go into an electric socket with a paperclip? Did no one else do this? That's really bad. Did you inhale glue or no? Oh, I sniffed it. Rubber cement? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, okay. Oh, I used to love making models. I used to make Godzilla models. Oh, with glue? Yeah, you had rubber cement glue. Do you remember those?
Yeah, yeah. In Elmer's, too. Yeah. You could peel it off your skin. We'd just put it on our skin and just peel it off. Oh, yeah. Just like a leprosy fetish or something. Yeah. The rubber cement glue was a big one, though. A lot of people sniff glue. We used to have a glue gun. My mom had a glue gun. For what? Like a hot glue gun. Crafts, arts, crafts. Okay. Kill men. I don't know.
When you look back at shit your parents did, you're like, what was that? What were you interested in? Why did she have powdered gold and put it in coffee of the men she was dating? What was that? But like a glue gun. There was just so much dangerous shit growing up. When I think about my injuries as a kid, I'm like, yeah, I got burned on the glue gun. Everyone's like, huh?
Yeah, they weren't looking out for kids back then. When did they start worrying about dangerous toys? I mean, after like the 50th lawn dart, you know, aorta puncture. Oh, I remember lawn darts. Those are crazy. It's a fucking weapon. And they were heavy. If they hit you in the head, you would die. Dude, it's just like tetanus. Right in the heart. Let's look this up.
How many people do you think have died from lawn darts? By the way, way more than is reported for sure. Right, right, right. I'm just putting this here. It has to be dozens. And seesaws. You remember seesaws? No seatbelt, no just plywood with handles. With a handle. But we would also, it's such a testament to our nature because we would make it even more dangerous.
Remember, you'd be on the seesaw. If you were up, you'd jump off it to watch the kid. Just to watch the kid fucking plummet to the earth. So sadistic. Just careen to the ground. Okay, what does our sponsor Perplexity said? Pointed metal lawn darts were officially linked to three child deaths in the United States before they were banned. Just three? Definitely more than that. Officially linked.
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Chapter 3: What are the dangers associated with childhood toys and activities?
Because I was prescribed five milligrams slow-release Adderall to sleep. To sleep. If you actually have it, it calms you down. It doesn't amp you up. What is it? What is it? ADHD? The inability to focus. Is that real? A busy brain. Dude, look, I think a lot of our superpowers are being dulled.
A lot of people with superpowers are being dulled by pharma and we're being pathologized for actually kind of extreme strengths in a lot of ways. Yeah. There's a lot of legitimate people that are arguing that about ADHD. Okay, good. I'm not like a nut. No, like legitimate psychologists, neuroscientists.
What it is is you can't concentrate on things you're not interested in, but you can concentrate on things you're interested in heavily. People that are... that supposedly have ADHD. They could play video games for fucking 10 hours a day. That's right. That's exactly right. Well, how come? Because it's exciting.
Oh, they can't sit in a classroom and watch some pedophile lecture them on fake history while they're getting hemorrhoids in some chair with shitty lighting above them? I mean, it's like, yeah, of course kids are bored. Of course they can't sit still. Exactly.
I was reading about how Finland, they don't teach their kids to read until they're like seven because it's better to have them develop their ability to focus first on the things they want to do. So by the time they do learn to read, they actually, you know, can focus. That sounds like a terrible idea. You're going to be so far behind my kids. Well, yeah. I mean, look.
Kids in America learn how to read when they're little babies. If at all. If at all. If they do. Like, I mean, yeah, that's the other thing. When it's like, don't teach kids to read. It's like, by that time, is Nerling just going to learn to read for them? Who knows? It's interesting, like, having a kid now. I'm like, what world do I prepare them for? Do I even teach them Mandarin?
Or is that just going to be like, remember when you two just put a song on our phone? It was so weird. Well, that was Apple's idea. And, you know, I talked to Bono about that. You know, it was devastating for them because all of a sudden everyone hated U2. They used to love U2. Yeah. They had so many hits. They're so good. And then all of a sudden, fuck you. Why are you on my phone?
Isn't that interesting? The human nature of I love something unless you force it on me. Yeah. Well, it's just people are always looking for a reason to complain. And if you have this song on your phone right away, like, hey, fuck these guys. But also, I want to hunt. Let me find it. Let me feel like I discovered something.
Well, I think they just thought it would be a great way to promote this new album. And they just really didn't understand human nature. It's also, yeah, it used to be like if you saw five billboards for something, you're like, I got to see that movie. Now you see like five ads for it and you're like, why are you trying so hard? If it's good, I'll hear about it.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of crime narratives in society?
When all the Somali daycare center came out, he started blaming white men for all the crime. Sure. What about white men? Well, he's white men with all the crime. He's trying that playbook. He's like, what about me? The woke playbook. What about me? I'm the criminal. I'm a white guy. That's really what he's saying. He's telling on himself right then and there.
Chapter 5: How does social media influence public outrage?
What do you mean? He was basically trying to say that it's racist. But facts aren't racist. It's just clever if they did it themselves. If they did it themselves, if they were the ones that were perpetrating the fraud. The real problem is if they didn't do it themselves, who helped them fill out all those forms? Who helped them organize this? And is this a money laundering thing?
And are they filtering this money into other people's accounts? Are they filtering into offshore accounts? Because supposedly – here's another one. Supposedly they were sending money like on a regular basis back to Somalia and they were catching them at TSA in Minnesota. Sure. See if that's true, Jamie. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot, you guys.
I mean, it's, you know, I guess also the other question is, when all this is going on, I'm like, do I focus on this?
Chapter 6: What is the connection between personal experiences and comedy?
Or, like, are we going to war? Like, you know. Well, you can only focus on so much. I know. Because that's the thing about the internet. If you want to get outraged, it's there to feed you. Yeah, totally. All day long. And then once you click on something, they're just going to keep feeding you more and more of that.
And I'm sort of like, is this as big of a story as my algorithm is telling me it is? Because I remember – and this is, I think, why it's more important than ever to be on stage as much as possible, to just corroborate a premise, to make sure that everyone even is aware of it, given our little echo chambers and stuff –
But remember when Kamala Harris was like giving speeches that it kind of seemed like she was shit faced. Like it just it sort of seemed like she was like slurring words or something. Those were, you know, that would come in. I was like doing this joke about it before the election that was like, you know, like maybe this is what we need.
Like what's scarier than a, you know, an alcoholic woman with no kids, you know? Like she can just be calling up like Putin in the middle of the night like, hey faggot, like she's just, you know. And I was doing it, I was doing well, everyone got it, and then I was somewhere in like New York City, I think it was, and no one had seen that video.
People were like, what are you talking, no one had seen, had any awareness of that. And I was, it was kind of bone chilling. Because I'm like. Well she's probably exhausted, right? Of course. Here's the other thing, you're running around, you're doing so much. You're campaigning. You're constantly doing it. If you catch me and I'm really tired, I sound like I'm on pills. Yeah.
Like, yeah, I'm fucking, you know. And then you're probably a little casual about everything because you're doing something. You're repeating the same things over and over again. Yeah. You're going to these places. You're fucking completely exhausted or you're coming off of whatever they put you on to get you up. Yeah. Adrenaline and, you know.
It's also I think that they're used to there's this old way of doing things where you could say the same thing on every platform and no one would cut it all together. You know, that's it. OK, here it is. I found it. I'm going to send this to you, Jamie, because this is a apparently a legitimate source. I'm looking up the main source they said they got it from.
It said Homeland Security officials told a source called Just the News. So I've never – I'm just looking up. Well, this is the TSA. Yeah, that's what it says. Yeah, federal probe, hundreds of millions of dollars inspected, small cash, and leaving Minneapolis airport. It says that this is the source of the story. So I was just trying to find out what they were told.
For sure that money didn't just stay in the community, especially if they didn't have the ability to organize this and develop this scam. Someone else helped them, and those people were getting money from it. So how were they getting the money? Were they getting the money in cash? Was it being sent and wired to offshore accounts? How were they doing it?
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Chapter 7: What similarities exist between boxing and comedy?
Well- There's certainly like genetic advantages that are huge, that are almost insurmountable. There's some people that have like speed, like Roy Jones Jr. was the best example of that. He had speed that was otherworldly. Like no one had seen anything like that before. And he had a style that no one else had.
Roy Jones, so the most important punch in boxing, if you ask any boxing trainer, they'll say the jab. The jab is what establishes distance. The jab is what you could score with. Yeah. The right hands try to knock him out, left hooks try to knock him out, uppercut. But the jab is the most important punch in boxing. Roy Jones rarely threw jabs. He would throw left hooks.
His left hook was so fast that he would throw a leaping left hook and it would hit you as fast or faster than another person's jab. And you had to calibrate for that when you're fighting him. All of a sudden there's a guy who can do things that are literally superhuman. No one can move like him. He has a left bicep that's like twice the size of his right bicep from throwing left hooks.
And is this like how Michael Phelps has abnormally long arms or something, right? No, he developed that left bicep. That's why his right bicep is small. His right bicep is normal sized. His left bicep is fucking huge. So look at the photo. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Bro, let me tell you something. Roy Jones in his prime was a freak of nature.
And do you try to go like, okay, you know, I'm just going to— Look at his build. Look at that left hook. Insane. Dude, no.
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Chapter 8: How does Roy Jones Jr. redefine boxing techniques?
He was a freak, and also extremely intelligent, crafty, set you up, knew what to do to get you to move this way, and then you're moving that way, and then he's doing things you can't do, so you don't anticipate that someone's gonna be able to leap in from there and catch you with an uppercut. You don't even understand how it happened.
He's the only guy in the history of, I believe, CompuBox, it might still be the case, and it was in this fight, the Vinny Pazienza fight, look at that. Put his hands behind his back and knocked the guy out. One of the only fights in the history of the sport where the opponent landed zero punches. That's the stoppage of Vinny Pazienza. He was a freak. Wait, how did that even happen?
He hit him with a left hook to the body. He was so fast. He was so good. All of his fights were essentially executions. He went from 168. He won the world title at 168. Went up to light heavyweight. Won the world title at light heavyweight. Went up to heavyweight. Won the world title at heavyweight. He was a fucking middleweight in the Olympics.
That looks like, remember the video of Putin doing like Kung Fu or Taekwondo and they're pretending to fall? That's what this looks like. No, Roy was so fast. This is nuts. He was so fast. And he was so hard to hit. Oh. There's a one-two he hits this guy with that I sent a friend of mine who's a boxing fan the other day. I'm like, look at the speed of this one-two.
He hit this guy with a counter right hand, like a counter one-two right hand. It was freakish. It didn't even make sense. There's the left hook. That left hook. Look at that. That left hook. That left hook is crazy. Look at him. Like, what the fuck? He just went down. Watch that left hook again. He's trying to get up and he's face planting. And that's Montel Griffin, who was a world champion.
Look at that left hook. Good lord. He even was like... Good lord. Lord. Yeah, there's guys that are amazing, and then there's Roy Jones. Roy Jones, he was a freak. I mean, it was like nothing anybody had ever seen. Oh, my gosh. It was all his fights. Look at that right hand to the body, Virgil Hill. He knocked him out with a right hand. By the way, to the left side of his body.
That's not even where your liver is. Your liver's over here. Guys get dropped all the time with a left hook to the body. He hit him with a right hook to the body and stopped him. I always get obsessed with, like, as—
like as comedians the more comedy there is and has been the more original we have to be you know i'm always fascinated by like you know you know fighting or sports like you know a football for example like you know go birds the eagles doing the tush push it's like everyone had to start studying that and this thing that worked now everyone knows you do it so you know it's fascinating to me when a fighter so good at one thing everyone starts learning to defend that and then you know because it used to be like you could just fight and people saw the fight once and that was it but like
That's where Roy had the advantage over everyone else. There was no internet back when Roy was on top. So the thing about the internet now is any kid with limited resources can study all the greatest boxers of all time. So Mike Tyson, when he was young, one of the great advantages that he had was Jim Jacobs was his manager.
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