Asexual Partner Preferences
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What is asexuality and how does it differ from sexual attraction?
You work hard to strike the right amount of intelligence and ignorance. The Last Show with David Cooper There are those among us who have zero interest in sex, a lack of attraction to others, asexual folks. But they still want closeness, companionship, connection. It's just not the usual script of romance, sex and marriage. So for them, what does love and a partner look like? Well, that's what we're about to discuss. I'm here with Paula Banga, who is a personality researcher at the University of Tilburg in the Netherlands to discuss it. Paula, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me.
What misconceptions exist about asexual individuals and their desire for relationships?
So let's start big picture because I think a lot of people assume sexual attraction is the engine that drives relationships, companionships. But what happens when people don't have much sexual attraction and they still end up with romantic partners? Yeah, so I think it's a common misconception that everybody experiences sexual attraction. Yeah, but that's not actually the case. There are those individuals that actually never experience sexual attraction or only to a very little extent, and those identify as asexual. And I think, yeah, a lot of research also on like partner preferences or what people want in a relationship kind of assumes that sexual attraction is a major driving force in that. But then we don't really know what it's like for those people that do not experience sexual attraction like that.
People who identify as asexual, is there like a lot of psychology research around this group or is it more a new thing? Is it a group that's getting more visibility these days? Yeah, for sure. It's like it's been, yeah, it's been like a growing body of research now, but it's still very in the beginning, I would say. Like there are a lot of qualitative studies, lots of interviews happening, but it's been quite invisible for a while. And yeah, only recently, like people are picking up on it's in sexual orientation, just like bisexuality, heterosexuality. Now, do people who identify as asexual, I think the stereotype, and I know it's not true, is that they would just be alone, they would live alone.
But that's not the case. Folks like this can end up in like platonic life partnerships, I guess. Yeah, for sure. I think that's also one of the common misconceptions. But asexual people actually, like a lot of them do want relationships and relationships. Yeah, but those relationships can take on many forms.
How do asexual women prioritize partner traits differently from heterosexual women?
They can be, as you said, platonic partnerships, like companion, like friendships, but asexual people can also be romantically attracted. So sexual attraction, romantic attraction don't always go hand in hand. So they can also look for a committed romantic relationship. Yeah. How would that work? The pipeline for a heterosexual relationship would be like dating, sex, commitment, marriage. It would follow like a normal script or a kind of like commonly followed script. How would it work for someone who identifies as asexual? Yeah, that's a great question. I think that's an interesting part, right? We don't know that much, right? So we do know that they want relationships and that they might be open to more alternative forms of relationships, maybe not so much in the traditional sense, but
I think they really just want relationships that do not include sex. And that is, of course, something usually sex and romantic relationships are quite conflated. So you really have to think outside of the traditional cultural scripts and see what alternative life paths or what alternative relationship forms can look like for those people. So what were some of the findings from your research? Let's talk, I don't know, start with monogamy. Could you, as an asexual person, end up in a relationship that's like not monogamous? Maybe your partner has some sexual interest. They might date outside the relationship, but perhaps you live together or something like that.
What alternative relationship forms do asexual individuals consider?
Yeah, for sure. So that's also what we found. We found that asexual women actually were more interested in non-monogamous relationships. So that might, it's just speculating, but that might free them up to, if they're in a relationship with a sexual partner or somebody who experiences sexual attraction, that partner to maybe experience sexual attraction.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is asexuality and how does it differ from sexual attraction?
0:05–0:41
2
What misconceptions exist about asexual individuals and their desire for relationships?
0:41–2:25
3
How do asexual women prioritize partner traits differently from heterosexual women?
2:25–3:54
4
What alternative relationship forms do asexual individuals consider?
3:54–6:28
5
How does the interest in parenting differ between asexual and heterosexual women?
6:28–8:31
6
What role does emotional intimacy play in asexual relationships?
8:31–9:07
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