Gary Direnfeld: How To Manage Travel - January 14, 2026
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
When your therapist won't take your calls anymore, there's always The Last Show with David Cooper. Travel. People say it's fun. People say it's mind-expanding, that you should do it to enjoy your life. But what they don't tell you is there are indignities when traveling. There are stressors. You're out of your comfort zone, and it's not always fun. I am here with therapist, social worker. It is Therapy Thursdays on a Wednesday.
What are the common stressors associated with travel?
Gary Dierenfeld is the man I am talking about. Gary, welcome to the show.
So good to be with you. I'm refreshed after a beautiful week's cruise in the Caribbean.
Great. You were in a massive Petri dish with germs. I won't get on one of those boats. One flu virus with one passenger means the whole boat's going to die.
You know, we go with a smaller cruise line. We go. It makes it sound like I've been on a million cruises. This is the second cruise in my life. The previous one was 15 years ago. But this was with Silver Sea. And this is not a paid endorsement.
Well, if they want to sponsor the show, great.
Brought to you by potentially Silver Sea. Yeah, I'm going to have to send them a link to this. Anyways, they were fabulous. They are smaller ships. There was supposed to be about 380 passengers aboard this ship. We left and arrived just as the airspace was being closed because of the incursion into Venezuela. Oh, my goodness. So we were an extra day in port waiting for the other travellers to come in the next day.
However, all that- Who'd have thought like geopolitics would delay your cruise? How dare they delay your cruise invading?
I know. And most people settled into that and were good. A couple of people were angry, wanted to blame the cruise line. And I'm looking at them and it's like, it's not their fault.
Well, I'm sure you didn't go on the cruise to celebrate a birthday, but if you did, then this is the greatest segue in the world. Before we get to the stressors of travel, I have a little subtopic here. My lovely girlfriend, partner, cat co-owner, roommate, Miranda. Her birthday is this week. And she's pretty intent on having a depressed birthday. She's got the birthday blues. She's warning me, I just want to hang out with you. Her friends tried to organize something. She said no. She's like, you know that song, It's My Party, and I'll cry if I want to. She wants to do that, but without anyone at the party. And she's like, I just need you to be supportive. I'm going to say awful things. Not mean, but I'm going to spiral and feel old and lonely.
and talk about why I'm not doing something fun on my birthday, even though it's my own fault, because I could have done something fun, and you just have to stand there and support me. How best can I support her? Side note, I have done this. I do this sometimes on my birthday, so I can relate. I don't actually think what she's doing is so bad.
So listen, at least two issues. One is aging. We are reminded of our own mortality with each click of the clock. I'm turning 40 in June. I don't... I don't want to psychoanalyze Miranda through you, so I'm not. I'm just – these are some issues. The other is I often sit back and wonder how were birthdays celebrated when this person was a child? And might that actually be a traumatic response? Who knows? But in terms of how to handle this –
Don't poke the bear. I'm just making sure the gifts are what she wants, which I think I have a good handle on. She likes sunflowers. She wants a thoughtful card.
But the other important thing is do not try talking someone out of their feelings. Yes. Because the more you do, the more they double down. Yeah. Because the more they have to escalate. So if anything, just be empathetic, quietly listen. It tends to diminish. If it doesn't, then start slowly and quietly just withdrawing your attention to it and carrying on. We're not isolating the other person, but nor are we reinforcing what they have to say. And we're certainly not poking the bear.
You know, this applies to like when your partner is stressed and not doing well and upset. Sometimes when me and Miranda vent to each other about the day, about work, about friends, whatever happens, I kind of ask her beforehand.
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