The Luminist
Episodes
#73: Just a crack can let the light in.
23 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There are few things that I find as energizing as new ideas. When I’m having a down day, a new idea can be just the perspective shift, pattern inter...
#72: "So... are you seeing anyone?"
16 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
“I’m going to meet my future husband in the Lufthansa lounge!” In my world-traveling corporate wonk days, I used this line like a shield. While ...
#71: Give yourself some credit.
09 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
“So, bro, what do you do when you are in a trough?” I asked. “I tell myself, ‘This will come to an end, it will not last forever,’ ” was R...
#70: Taking the cycles of life less personally.
02 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I put down my iPad, took off my glasses, and rubbed my eyes, sighing. A midweek afternoon writing quietly at the treehouse had been my idea of perfec...
#69: I've been playing small.
24 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
“T-shirt!! T-shirt!! T-shirt!!!!” Locking eyes with the masked, cone-hatted man on the float’s top tier, I kept shouting as I waved my arms and...
#68: The secrets of cultivating potential.
17 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Last week, Connor was in a state of manic excitement. Even the mounds of dirty laundry, the giant give-away pile of clothes from his last-minute clos...
#67: The puzzle of creating community as an adult.
10 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I’m on the hunt. My senses are sharpened. My brain is on high alert. My radar is up. I’m looking out over the horizon, at the crest of the next hi...
#66: Enthusiasm isn't just for kids.
03 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
“Oh my god, mom, enough already!!” Kendall furtively looked over her shoulder to see if anyone in the restaurant could have possibly missed what ...
#65: Reimagining transition as expansion.
27 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I woke up on my first work-less Monday from a smattering of stress dreams. I lost my retainer! Oh wait, I don’t have a retainer. I lost my engagem...
#64: Goodbye, job.
20 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Writing and reflecting happen on the far side of change, once we’ve rowed across the choppy lake and are putting bandaids on our blisters and Ben Ga...
#63: When there are only questions.
13 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
“How do you feel about poetry, Connor?” “I hate it,” was his matter-of-fact reply. Wrapping up our Colorado Rockies holiday vacation, Connor ...
#62: A widow’s take on planning for the future.
06 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Several years ago, I made a rule about dessert. It was in an effort to decelerate the slow creep of weight on my middle-aged frame, maintaining the a...
#61: Trading autopilot for aliveness this New Year.
30 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I don’t do resolutions. I found, like many people, that they don’t stick. So I’ve subbed in “word of the year”. To me, a resolution is some...
#60: Prophets, courage, and challenging the status quo.
23 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“I think we sound like evangelists,” my patently un-evangelical English friend Paul said. “I think what people fail to realize is how beautiful...
#59: We’re not meant to do it alone.
16 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
On a steely gray January day in 2017, I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of Bed, Bath and Beyond. Giant plastic bags of new king-sized pillow...
#58: Survivor's guilt; survivor's love.
09 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“Deep dish or thin crust?”“Dad, we are in Chicago,” I responded, “of course the pizza has to be deep dish!”We were sitting at my dad’s k...
#57: Smashing the reset button.
02 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Midmorning Thanksgiving, I hit a wall. And it had all started out so well.After an early-hours, empty-like-I-owned-the-place hike in Great Falls, I ca...
#56: Closer to fine.
25 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Last week I was interviewed for the Women in Leadership Podcast. Host Angie Mezzetti, a lovely sprite of a woman with a lilting Irish accent and a ma...
#55: There are clues everywhere.
18 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I have always been an ‘observationist.’ (Thank you TL reader Stephen for giving me this great term in honor of his non-verbal son Scott after las...
#54: Making life out of death.
15 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
One year ago today, I was standing amidst my hanging suit blazers and crumpled-on-the-floor workout gear in my hotel room closet at the Kuwait Hilton,...
#53: The capacity to create your life.
11 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Like a Vespa hooked up to a Tesla Supercharger, I’m buzzing with the high-voltage current of New Orleans. The remnants of Halloween are in the air,...
#52: Flirting with feedback.
04 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Last week at work, I got eviscerated. When I looked down to see how bad the damage was — if my guts were bleeding all over the floor — I realized ...
#51: Choosing the road less traveled.
28 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Two years ago, my son was at a crossroads. Connor was deciding which college to attend: William & Mary, his dad’s alma mater, or Colgate, the relati...
#50: Widowed yet surrounded by love.
21 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“Emergency contact?” The front-desk clerk at the surgery center looked down at my paperwork, seeing a blank amidst the filled-in boxes.Not that te...
#49: How to console when you’d rather run away.
14 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Prior to starting The Luminist, I spent a ton of time trying to figure out what the hell I was actually going to say in it. During this planning phas...
#48: Allowing reality to be on your side.
07 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
For most of my life, surrender was decidedly not my gear. In fact, it was something to assiduously avoid. From my perspective, surrender was for weak...
#47: The journey and the destination.
30 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“When I paused to contemplate the life I had worked so hard to build, I felt a disconcerting mixture of nostalgia, regret, claustrophobia, emptiness...
#46: It’s all possible now.
23 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
After visiting family in Houston, going to an idea conference in Munich, traipsing through countryside museums in Copenhagen, the thing I’ll miss mo...
#45: We're built to process pain.
16 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
On the final day of my ENWT (Empty Nester World Tour; more on this next week), I was tucked into my own bed for the first time in two weeks. My brain...
#44: You can’t go home again.
09 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I never had a mother-in-law. Mike’s mom Mary Ann died four years before his Mediterranean blue eyes and angular jaw caught my attention in the pict...
#43: Trying.
02 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“You are going to let a 16 year old drive that?” Connor was pointing to our pint-sized silver Subaru CrossTrek parked in the driveway. Permit acqu...
#42: Made to heal.
26 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Our mission as parents is to make ourselves obsolete. Like a carefully planned rocket launch, we gather the pieces, obsess over the best way to put t...
#41: The epic power of an inspired heart.
19 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Retired Brigadier General Becky Halstead is a pint-sized human with the strength of a colossus. She was the first female West Point graduate to be pro...
#40: Little heroism.
12 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
By the time this reflection post (our ten-week pause-and-look-back ritual) is published, my Italy trip will have receded into the past.But those two s...
#39: From lifequake to lemonade.
05 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Earning its title of the Eternal City through two and a half thousand years of uninterrupted history, we think of Rome as a monolith. Yet it is the e...
#38: Reclaiming loss from the grip of avoidance.
29 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Last week, we talked about moving on.We talked about how, no matter what has ended, it’s crucial to our wellbeing that we allow ourselves to find an...
#37: Moving on isn't leaving behind.
22 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“Moving on” may be one of the hardest parts of grief. Try as we might, we can’t keep the clock from ticking, taking us further and further from...
#36: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
15 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“When two or more are gathered in my name…” is maybe a weird way to start a (mostly) secular newsletter, but hear me out.It’s a paraphrase of...
#35: Enough waiting to "rest in peace”.
08 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
"NO IDLING ALLOWED." The sign warns participants at the Saturday Katie’s Cars & Coffee gathering in my neighborhood of Great Falls. Park your Ferrar...
#34: Acceptance is just the beginning.
01 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“Welcome to Sunset Pines, where we live every day to the fullest!”His ice-blue eyes and broad cheekbones hidden under a globulous helmet and sight...
#33: It’s okay to be afraid.
24 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Kendall was speeding along 95 North from Virginia to New Jersey in her little blue Mazda SUV when she pulled into the mammoth Chesapeake House Rest St...
#32: I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
17 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I hadn’t gotten 20 pages into The Expectation Effect: How Your Mindset Can Change Your World by British science writer David Robson before my head ...
#31: Not all progress feels like progress.
10 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Her satin dress shimmering in the midmorning sun, Kendall walked across the slender stage, totally in her element under everyone’s gaze. She took he...
#30: The beautiful, the painful, the dazzling.
03 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The story of the Deagles, the story that started The Luminist, is not a story of loss. It is a story of loving and living.And yet, in every post, in ...
#29: Learning from laughter to trust my tears.
27 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I love the moment when acquaintances become friends. Like when fellow Substacker sent a love arrow through my heart (and proved how well she already k...
#28: Love is legacy enough.
20 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I think about honoring Mike a lot. With The Luminist, of course. How I raise our kids, all the time. But also how I speak about him, share him, illust...
#27: Exceeding your own expectations.
13 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In 90 days, Kendall and I board a plane for Tulane. I’ll come home after a few days. Kendall will stay. Both of my kids, 11 and 13 when their dad di...
#26: Wired to share (despite what our culture tells us).
06 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Last Sunday, I found myself reading my own words.“Sharing my story has not equated to more suffering nor embarrassment nor feelings of being exposed...
#25: Embracing my humanity (in the WSJ).
29 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Back in 2021, my architect Robert askedif I would be ok publishing the home we built together — my healing-oasis, nature-temple, connection-generato...
#24: Skin in the game.
22 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
We are a culture that lives mostly in our minds, rather than our skins. We solve complex problems. We interact via zoom. We lay awake at night thinki...
#23: Forgetting in order to remember.
15 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
This past Easter weekend, we smashed some eggs. After coloring the shells with crayons, dye, and glitter, we gathered around the table for a family...
#22: The resilience experiment.
08 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
On the day Mike died, I had visitors. I don’t mean family, who gathered together in mutual consolation. I don’t mean close friends, who gave us s...
#21: Self-help pride.
01 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I am a bookworm. It’s not a new thing. But since Mike died, it has definitely become a different thing.Books (and their authors) kept me company in ...
#20: An ode to the reader’s creative act.
25 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Writing you from Mississippi this week: We made it to #20! As we like to do when we hit a new “decade”, there’s an index of the topics we’ve c...
#19: Where words can’t take us.
18 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Last week, I attended the interment of a combat veteran in Arlington National Cemetery.Walking along the winding cemetery roads, we followed the horse...
#18: Purpose isn’t the destination.
11 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“THIS IS SO FREAKING HARD,”I declare mournfully and melodramatically to my editor Leona in a Sunday-night video message. “I mean, we can do hard...
#17: Mystery is my religion.
04 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Confronting chaos. Many times when we lose a loved one, there is a “reason.” A cause followed by an effect.Old age. Chronic illness. A steady decl...
#16: A new definition of personal power — rooted in humor and humanity.
25 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In case you missed it, this is Part 2 of a two-part series! You can find Part 1 in the previous episode.Part 1 recap: Cackling until I cried. About m...
#15: The empowerment of not taking yourself too seriously.
18 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
When you think of a powerful person, what comes to mind? I’d hazard a guess that “widow” is not top of the list. And yet, I feel incredibly powe...
#14: Things will be great again.
11 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Last week one of my favorite Substackers — author — started a thread with the question:"What words or acts did you find especially comforting or h...
#13: We are not islands.
04 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Dear reader, I have a confession.Last week’s podcast cracked me open… After beating me down.Like wrestlers (minus the tiny uniforms and odd headge...
#12: How I became a heart-seeking missile (in a good way).
28 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I spend 10+ hours a week writing about all the ways that Mike’s death changed me (and that doesn’t even count all the thinking, reading, note-scri...
#11: Restoring the magic of time.
21 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Tick tock, tick tock. Even writing that sound stresses me out.You would think with all the time management strategies, apps, and advice out there, we ...
#10: This is only the beginning…. and we’ve already come so far!
14 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Dear listeners,We have arrived at Podcast #10! Hurray! In honor of this milestone, I’m offering you a different sort of podcast today. Not action-o...
#9: Life beyond the Immaculate Reception.
07 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The achievement of all achievements, and yet…"He was the role model.”“He's the standard where we all talked about what it is to be a Pittsburgh ...
#8: Then and now.
01 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
“People overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.” - Bill Gates (or someone else smart).As we com...
#7: The art of receiving.
24 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“I don’t need your support.”My friend Nathan’s dad was in a terrible accident. He’s going to make it (hallelujah) but it scared the heck ou...
#6: The radiance in dailiness.
17 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“Death, along with all its anger, pain and loss, opens a window of possibility for the living. It removes the veil that the “ordinary” gently dr...
#5: Demystifying the griever's mind.
10 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In the last podcast, we talked about mustering our courage, getting out of our own way, and finding the right words to console better. That podcast wa...
#4: Console better.
03 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Consolation feels like an old-school, outdated word. Like a word your grandma uses. We don’t toss this word around in everyday vernacular. And whe...
#3: What are we actually afraid of?
26 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Ok, buckle your seatbelts. I promise not all podcasts will be so intense but we really must start with the thing that makes us turn away from thinking...
#2: Why I wouldn't trade away the grief.
19 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
A recurring word you will see here in The Luminist is ‘aliveness’ — somewhat cheesy but sincerely meant to convey the flamboyant richness of lif...
#1: Why talking about grief and loss (not just when someone dies) really matters.
15 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In our culture, discussing death is taboo — wrapped in fear, uncertainty, anxiety. We have become so disconnected from the personal and collective e...