Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome to The Moth. I'm Emily Couch, and on this episode, two stories about nerves and pressure, from meeting a partner's parents to societal expectations. First up, we've got Gabe Woods-Lamanuzzi, who told this story at a Boston Story Slam where the theme was guts. Here's Gabe, live at The Moth.
Chapter 2: What nerves does Gabe experience when meeting his girlfriend's father?
I consider myself to be a reasonably gutsy individual. I've bungee jumped, I've skydived, both of which were immensely terrifying things to me. But a few things throughout my life have terrified me more, have really gotten my boots a quaking and my timbers a shivering more than meeting the father of any girlfriend I've ever dated.
To start off, a typical male bonding has just never been a strong suit for me. I don't know anything about cars. I have lots of feelings and I like talking about my feelings. Handshakes, utterly petrifying to me. Just thinking about them is making my hands sweat right now. And when it comes to the actual moment of the shake,
I will find some way to just turn it into calamity, whether that be gripping too soon or sticking my pinky in and tickling their hand or something. I'll find some way to just ruin it. I'm a hugger. I'm a hug-oriented human. And when it comes to the fathers of girls I've dated, I don't know if it was just that I was born and raised in Texas, but some of them, boy golly, can be awfully intense.
I dated this one girl in 10th grade, and she was the oldest of five. And I remember every single one of the kids. I remember playing with them. I remember helping her mom out in the kitchen. But the only thing I remember about her father was just him staring at me, glaring at me. I don't even remember if this man had a body.
Chapter 3: How does Gabe's Texas upbringing influence his interactions?
I just remember his eyes burning holes into me. And I swear he didn't blink for the entire eight months I dated her. But fast forward a few years. I go off to college in San Diego. And I started dating, junior year, started dating this California girl, Sydney. And I'm over there hoping like she's probably got some super chill Cali parents, perhaps hippie oriented. Wouldn't that be a dream?
Incorrect. Her father is from Queens, New York. And when Sydney is giving me information about her parents for the first meeting, she just sort of casually mentions how her father will occasionally boast about knowing how to work around the law, which is not a particularly comforting thing to hear.
So the first meeting is happening at a restaurant, aka a public place with witnesses, and we're having dinner with Sydney's parents and her younger brother, and we've dragged along Sydney's best friend as a sort of like emotional support wing woman, and Her father walks into the restaurant, and I literally have to crane my neck upwards to look at this man.
If you had asked me in that moment how tall he was, I would have told you eight feet. In reality, he's six foot four, and just a big, just a solidly constructed individual. And he's over there ducking his head under doorways, and I'm considering like ducking out of the restaurant. But it takes me two and a half steps to make up every one of his, so I wouldn't make it far if I made a run for it.
So I'm just like, I'm in it for the long haul, right? I got to be there. Dinner progresses. It's going all right. Sydney's best friend is hilarious and entertaining and is taking up a lot of the attention just like we hired her to do. Seriously, thank you. We're all swapping stories. It's all good.
Although I do pay particular attention to a story her father tells about being so protective of baby Sydney that he chases away a home intruder with a baseball bat. That one sort of sticks in my head. I don't know why. And other than that, though, the dinner kind of goes without too much of an incident until the end of the evening when we're saying goodbye.
And we're standing outside the restaurant. And I say, it was so nice to meet you. And I raise up both arms. And I go for the hug. And yeah, this giant of a father, this giant of a man takes a step backwards and extends one arm out for a handshake. And he says, let's keep it here for now. And cue my utter panic as I just like desperately try to salvage this situation.
And I'm like, oh, yes, sir, of course. But my hands are already extended and hugs. So I can't do the sort of like subtle wipe your hand on your pants thing before the handshake. So I deliver to this man guaranteed the sweatiest handshake of his life. And her mother takes pity on me and is like, I'll give you a hug, which honestly bless her heart forever for that.
And then I'm still trying to kind of turn this into a joke. So I'm like, Zach will give me a hug. To which her 18 year old fraternity rushing brother is like, I absolutely will not give you a hug. And I proceed to chase this man, this young man back to their car where he locks himself inside to get away from me. And I'm like, give me a hug.
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Chapter 4: What unexpected challenges arise during Gabe's first dinner with his girlfriend's family?
And everyone into my husband's family, and it was going, babies, babies. And behind it was just tick-tock, tick-tock. And I really never heard this clock going off behind me. I never heard it. And my husband and I had had discussions, but actually before we got married, and had decided that we were not going to have children. And me telling family and friends this was,
Difficult, to say the least. People's need to be in our bedroom was wild. And when I would explain, hey, my husband and I have decided that we don't want to have children, well, then people decided that I needed to be convinced.
And they wouldn't try to convince my husband and I. They would separate us, pull me aside and go, hey, you're being selfish because you're not allowing your husband's name to be carried on. My husband's family is Catholic. That name will outlast all of us. Then, of course, they're like, okay, well, if that doesn't work, then who's going to take care of you when you're older?
Well, who's being selfish now? That's not a good reason to have a baby. And then they would get angry, and at this point, they're like, come on, just have a baby. Your instincts will kick in. Yeah, and if they don't, can I send it back? So, you know, I went through this. Time goes on. My husband and I have had these fights with everybody.
Next thing you know, we are 28 years down the road, and we have been happily married all that time, and we have a 15-year-old hysterectomy. And that day, 15 years ago, was the day that that egg timer stopped. That was the day that the tone of the tinnitus of the vagina just died.
And it became real apparent really quickly that on that day, the expiration of my value as a woman and as a person died with a lot of people. And if I were to stand here and tell you that that didn't hurt, I would be lying. But I would like to remind you that there are plenty of women out there who have never had children, who have gone on to do great things, two of which, Dolly Parton,
And Betty White. Now, I am no Dolly Parton and I am no Betty White, but I can fix that. Thank you, my name is April. That was April Delutti. April is a writer, comic, and storyteller who uses her sweet Southern drawl to add softness to the bite in her comedy and storytelling.
From Georgia, April crafts tales of her Southern upbringing, navigating the comedic chaos of marriage, early menopause, middle age, ADHD, and autism. That brings us to the end of our episode. Thanks so much for joining us. From all of us here at The Moth, have a story-worthy week.
Emily Couch is a producer on the Moth's artistic team, offering logistical support on creative projects and the Moth Radio Hour. She loves to work behind the scenes to spread the beauty of true personal stories to listeners around the world. This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin-Ginesse, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger.
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