Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome to The Moth. I'm Suzanne Rust. Nerves, anxiety, that feeling you get when you're standing at the precipice of something big. Whatever you want to call it, we've all felt it and we've all had to push through it. On this episode, we'll be visiting two moments of high anxiety, the day of a big work presentation and the day of a high school wrestling match.
So we're wrestling with nerves, both literally and metaphorically. First up is Chris Bell, who told this story at a Boston Story Slam where the theme was backfired.
Chapter 2: What feelings do nerves evoke in significant moments?
Here's Chris, live with the Moth.
I'm slouched at my kitchen table. It feels like I have an iron spike lodged in my forehead. This is the fifth day and I can't seem to get rid of this sickness. I just want to crawl in bed and cancel my life for an entire month. But I know I can't. so I take a bite of an everything bagel. And I can feel the crunchy seasoning on my tongue, but I can't taste the thing.
Even my morning coffee isn't giving me the same kick, so I think I should just quit and keep that promise I made to my wife for years. But I know I can't deal with caffeine withdrawals and when I'm already worn down, so not today. Today's too important. See, six months ago, I came up with a business idea. And my boss liked it so much that he wanted me to present it at the next big meeting.
So for months, I've been working to perfect this presentation. And today is the day. If this goes well, it could mean a promotion. And that would be huge for both me and my family. So my plan is simple. Get to work early. Review my notes. And mentally prepare to knock this presentation out of the park. Sickness or no sickness, I need to come with my A game.
Chapter 3: How does Chris Bell cope with anxiety before a big presentation?
So I throw some Tylenol in my bag and I go to leave the front door and God picks this moment to remind me that I have children. My teenage daughter screams, dad, the washing machine is flooding the basement. Turns out she took every piece of clothing we own and stuffed it into one wash. Apparently she wanted to get her chores done quicker.
So as I'm feeling water penetrate the soles of my shoes, her little brother comes downstairs and tries to convince me that he wasn't playing with my razor again and the hairs on his right eyebrow just fell out on their own. So as I'm juggling my little hand grenades, I'm already an hour late for work.
So I'm flying down the highway, I finally make it to my desk, three minutes, three minutes before my meeting's about to start. I'm sweating, my notes are everywhere, I go to log onto my computer so I can join the online meeting, and my screen greets me with incorrect password. I'm like, my password has always been the name of my first dog with a capital Y. Or is it a lowercase I?
So after what feels like forever, I'm finally able to reset my password and join the meeting, only to find out I now have five minutes to give a 20-minute presentation. So what happens next is a lot like watching me fall down a flight of stairs. I stumble, I stutter, I load the wrong slides, And when my presentation is over, I'm just faced with blank stares.
I am so disappointed and mad at myself right now. I want to flip my desk over and punch a hole in the wall. But I don't. I take a deep breath and a personal day, and I go straight to the store to get the one thing that will make me feel better right now. Chocolate ice cream. So I'm at the grocery store and I pick up my ice cream.
I go to checkout and this lady with 623 items just narrowly cuts in front of me and she saw me with my one item and I know she did because she gave me a look like she still thinks it's the 1950s and we shouldn't be shopping in the same grocery store. So now I'm not only sick, I'm also angry.
So somewhere there's video surveillance of me slamming my ice cream down on a magazine rack and stomping out the store, because I just need to get home. I can't be around anyone right now. So I finally get home. I'm lying on the couch. It's dark. I have ice on my head. My wife finally arrives. She asked me what's wrong. So I tell her, I don't know. I have been sick all week.
I can't get rid of this headache. I'm messing up at work. I'm screaming at people at the grocery store. And it just feels like everything's out of control right now. And I think I need to talk to someone. And her expression turns heavy. She sits down next to me. And she says, babe, you know that coffee's really not good for your high blood pressure, right? And I'm like, yeah, I know.
I'm going to quit. I promise. She's like, no, no, just listen to me. I wanted to help. So last week, I secretly switched our coffee to decaffeinated coffee. So after I came back from Starbucks, I'm feeling 110% better. Three months later, I get another opportunity to present my idea. And this time I wrote my password down on my hand. But more importantly, I'm no longer drinking coffee.
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Chapter 4: What unexpected challenges does Chris face on presentation day?
Oh, I'm so uncomfortable. Finally, get up on the scale. With seconds to spare, the ref gives me the thumbs up. My coach gives me a high five. He's like, Craig, nice job. He goes, oh, by the way, that guy over there, he's your opponent tonight. And I look over across the locker room, It's a 240-pound gorilla. And I'm 185s with a big water full of belly. Hold on, a big belly full of water.
That's what I meant to say. Anyway, the match starts. OK, we're all out there. The lightweights go first. The teams are evenly matched. They win the first one, we win the second. They win the third one, we win the fourth. It keeps going and going. And the pressure is building in the gym. And the pressure is building in my bladder. Finally, it's time for the heavyweights. The score is tied.
It's winner take all. If I win, we win. If I lose, all is lost. I get out on the mat, I shake my opponent's hand, and the ref blows the whistle. We start circling each other cautiously.
Suddenly I shoot at his legs, I take him down to the mat, I turn him onto his back, and my teammates start cheering, and my coach yells, pin him, pin him, and I'm squeezing him so tight, but my stomach's about to explode. And I'm squeezing him, I'm squeezing him, and finally the ref blows the whistle, slaps the mat, match is over, I've won. I jump up on my feet. Jump up on my feet.
My teammates rush out onto the mat, but I am long gone. Back to the locker room to take a long-awaited pee. Thank you.
That was Craig Gudorf. Craig is working on his first novel and also performs with an improv troupe called Eaten by Locusts. He continued wrestling throughout his high school career and was also the intramural heavyweight champ in college. Making weight for a wrestling match was Craig's high-stakes moment. And Moth stories are all about stakes. What did a person stand to gain or lose?
Do you have a story where the stakes were high? Call into our pitch line and share a snippet of that moment with us. You can go to our website, themoth.org slash pitch line. We'd love to hear it. That brings us to the end of our episode. Thanks so much for joining us. From all of us here at The Moth, have a story-worthy week.
Suzanne Rust is the Moth's senior curatorial producer and one of the hosts of the Moth Radio Hour. In addition to finding new voices and fresh stories for the Moth stage, Suzanne creates playlists and helps curate special storytelling events. This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger.
The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Gina Duncan, Christina Norman, Marina Cloutier, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Ureña. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis. All moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers.
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