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The Ramsey Show

Learning To Set Boundaries With Family

27 Dec 2023

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

30.001 - 60.476 Dave Ramsey

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. The one and only Jade Warshaw, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Open phones here at 888-825-5225. You jump in. We will talk about you right in front of you. Kathy is going to start us off today.

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60.536 - 63.34 Dave Ramsey

Kathy is over in Austin, Texas. Hi, Kathy. How are you?

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64.322 - 66.064

Great. Thank you for taking my call.

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66.265 - 67.146 Dave Ramsey

Sure. What's up?

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68.408 - 86.708

So I've heard you all advise against using credit cards in favor of debit cards or cash. So my question is, why shouldn't my husband and I take advantage of getting credit card points for travel expenses that are required for work but are going to be reimbursed by the employer?

88.289 - 106.789 Dave Ramsey

So your employer is so poor they require you to advance them for your own travel? No, sir. Well, why do they require you to advance them for your own travel? You're traveling on behalf of an employer, and they're not paying for it in advance? Why are they making you pay for it for them?

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Well, that's the established protocol.

112.935 - 115.256 Dave Ramsey

Yeah. Why?

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I don't know. We haven't asked them.

Chapter 2: Why shouldn't I use credit cards for work travel expenses?

260.072 - 285.099 Dave Ramsey

Obviously, you don't think that any of this applies to you, but it does. It does. And so you're just more susceptible to risk and to problems. And then the third thing is this, and I think the most compelling argument is this. I have never met a single millionaire that says, Dave, you know, I made it all on my airline miles. That was my breakthrough.

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285.6 - 312.238 Dave Ramsey

My financial difference, the difference maker in my financial plan was I took a billion-dollar company that studies consumer behavior in depth, and I was smarter than them. I whipped them. I didn't spend more, and I got airline miles, and I actually used the airline miles. I actually gamed the system, and I became a millionaire because of it. Never met one, not in 30 years of doing this.

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312.218 - 313.721 Jade Warshaw

Well, let me take it a step further.

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313.862 - 323.663 Dave Ramsey

I know a lot of middle class broke people who think they're gaming the system and are strutting around acting like they got something with an airline mile, but they really didn't at the end of the day.

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324.098 - 346.798 Jade Warshaw

I'll take it a step further, Dave. I don't like supporting companies that their entire model for having revenue is built on failure. Failure to pay, failure to pay on time. I don't like that. I like companies that offer a service that really would like to help you and they get revenue from giving you something or helping you do something or giving you a service.

346.778 - 356.033 Jade Warshaw

I can't support a company where the only way they make money is by people failing to pay, failing to pay on time. That's the top seller right there.

356.073 - 363.825 Dave Ramsey

I don't like that. The way they get them in the churn is they offer an airline mile. And oh, by the way, Consumer Reports says 78%.

363.805 - 383.721 Dave Ramsey

of the airline miles are never redeemed so i know kathy's may be in the 22 but and she may get 100 reimbursement and she may never overspend but you are playing with snakes kathy look everybody says i pay my card off every month but all i know is this there's a trillion dollars

383.701 - 401.932 Dave Ramsey

in credit card debt so somebody's lying yeah and it's up right now yeah and somebody's you know and i gotta tell you the number of people that we've coached out of credit card debt over the years that said you know it all started because i was trying to get a free airline ticket And here's the other one. This one's humorous to me.

Chapter 3: What risks are associated with using credit cards for travel expenses?

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I totally agree with that.

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741.061 - 754.718 Dave Ramsey

Your husband's obligation to him goes away if he's not willing to, A, put the severance in writing, B, put a promise to an open line and perform to an open line of continuous communication about timing.

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754.698 - 780.199 Dave Ramsey

and probability and whatever we're not asking for any of the 10 million we're not asking for any of that that's not yours that's his he owns it but he does owe you if you're gonna if your husband's gonna stick with him he does owe him communication and the severance in writing otherwise i'm gonna go ahead and leave now yeah because what where's the negative side of his boss doing that for him i mean i can't think of a negative side if he's really gonna do it all

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781.141 - 781.822 Jade Warshaw

Right.

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781.842 - 805.782 Dave Ramsey

Okay. But this guy is secretive and doesn't want to tell anybody. And, you know, you don't need to blow off all your customers and all your employees. I agree with that. But he's really, really holding this close. I mean, the phrase that scared me, Nikki, is when you said the only reason we found out was because he needed my husband's help.

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meaning that this guy really isn't discussing this with his senior leadership team, and he really owes them a discussion.

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Right. That's how I'm interpreting that, is that he needed my husband. Yeah, otherwise you would have known nothing.

821.923 - 827.691 Dave Ramsey

Yeah, otherwise you would have known nothing. So the other senior people are going to be hung out hot and dry. That's what you're telling me.

828.252 - 828.332

Wow.

Chapter 4: How can I effectively set boundaries with family about financial help?

1496.903 - 1517.751 Dave Ramsey

You didn't call me up with a $10 million net worth. If it was chump change and you wanted to go fix a kitchen, fine. But she's basically completely out of control emotionally. And I don't know where you got or she got the idea that you're obligated to give her a condo and fix the kitchen and, and, and, and, and.

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1518.172 - 1531.209 Dave Ramsey

Now, when people don't respect boundaries, and Henry Cloud talks about in the book Boundaries, and then you set a boundary, please don't expect them to accept it graciously. So I suspect her little spoiled self's pretty pissed off at you.

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1534.633 - 1536.115 Dave Ramsey

Yeah. So, oh, well.

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1536.095 - 1552.768 Jade Warshaw

Oh, well, I know that's right. I'm sorry. I'm back on when you said and she said she needs a nice, you know, is almost making these demands on you. Have you said to her, Mom, you know, I'm doing the best I can with my money. I want to help you get set up.

1552.828 - 1566.382 Dave Ramsey

I got you into a condo. You can afford it. And if you can't live with that, then I guess you'll need to move and I'll sell the condo. But I'm willing to let you live here. I've already done this much and I just can't do any more. I can't.

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I can't.

1568.527 - 1571.535 Dave Ramsey

No, you really can't. You don't have any money. You don't have enough money.

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No, not at this age.

Chapter 5: What are the emotional challenges of selling a family camper?

3476.79 - 3477.651 Jade Warshaw

Is that what you're worried about?

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I would guess that. I would guess that.

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3480.652 - 3480.972 Dave Ramsey

Why?

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I don't want to presuppose, but I'm not very good thinking on my feet. I get a little flustered. Well, you don't have to think on your feet.

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3490.843 - 3503.617 Dave Ramsey

You don't have to think on your feet. You're going to sell your camper for $33,000. Or, if you want to give them a deal, just because as an act of love, you've got a pile of money and you don't need any money, do you need money?

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Well, I would like to use that money. We're establishing a scholarship for my husband and his at the high school.

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Then they're helping with that if they buy the camper. And you can tell them that.

Chapter 6: How should I approach selling my camper to family?

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3520.19 - 3541.04 Dave Ramsey

I'm going to sell the camper, and whatever I get out of it is going to go into his scholarship fund over at the school. And the guys at the camper place tell me it's worth $33,000. So I'm going to put it up for sale for $33,000. If you want to sell it to them for $30,000 and just say that, that's fine. But you don't have to think on your feet. This is not a negotiation.

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3541.601 - 3548.391 Dave Ramsey

This is you just putting a price on something and what it's worth. There's nothing to be flustered about.

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3549.772 - 3559.748 Jade Warshaw

is just is selling this camp or is it making you feel some type of way is that what it is because you feel like you're it sounds like this is just ringing you out right now

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3561.449 - 3571.888

Well, you know, it's the uncertainty of it. I know it's the right thing to do. I truly do. We enjoyed it, and I haven't used it in a system for it to just sit.

3571.908 - 3574.994 Dave Ramsey

So it feels like you're selling a little bit of what was your husband's in your dream.

Chapter 7: What are the implications of selling a family camper?

3576.497 - 3577.819

Mm-hmm. Yes, we loved it.

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3577.839 - 3580.584 Dave Ramsey

Yeah, it's going to be kind of emotional the day it leaves.

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3582.107 - 3592.71

Yeah. Yeah. I have to tell you, it's beyond me. It's beyond me. And he would love it to go to them if indeed that's the thing.

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3593.571 - 3598.056 Dave Ramsey

But I don't think he meant for you to give it to them for free, do you?

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3600.499 - 3606.306

I think he would. My husband was extremely generous. He was.

3606.787 - 3611.132 Dave Ramsey

I know. But do you think he was expecting you to give this camper away for free?

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I don't think so.

Chapter 8: How can I effectively navigate family expectations during sales?

3616.062 - 3632.874 Dave Ramsey

Okay. I don't either. Yeah. It's not an act of, you're not being mean when you sell something to anyone for what it is worth. Now, if it's worth 33 and you sold it to them for 43, that's being immoral, right?

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3634.923 - 3656.97 Dave Ramsey

Okay, but when you sell something for what it's worth, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. If you choose to discount it slightly, not as an act of being pressured or feeling some kind of guilt trip, but just as an act of generosity, then that's your choice. It's your item, and you can do that too. So you say, you know, the guys at the store tell us it's worth $33.

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3657.01 - 3666.923 Dave Ramsey

That's what I'm going to put it on the market for, but... Because my husband would love it if you guys had it and we knew that you were using it. You know, we'll sell it to you guys for $30 instead of $33.

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3667.805 - 3673.513 Jade Warshaw

And the money is going to a scholarship fund, so it's still generosity.

3673.713 - 3674.815 Dave Ramsey

Yeah.

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Does that make sense?

3677.839 - 3681.163 Dave Ramsey

It totally does. But I don't think we're going much lower than that.

3682.706 - 3682.986

Okay. Okay.

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