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Chapter 1: How can I help my in-laws with their money?
Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work they love, and connect with real people. I'm John Deloney, joined here by my good friend George Camel. We are taking your calls on money, life,
Mental health, emotional health, whatever you got going on, your marriages, your retirement plans, whatever you got going on, we've got an opinion about it, and we are here to help. 888-825-5225, 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Charlie in Orlando. What's up, Charlie?
Hey, John. Hey, George. It's a pleasure to talk with you guys.
Chapter 2: Can I pay off my student loans more quickly?
You too, man. What's up? Yeah. So my question is regarding my in-laws. I'm recently married and I have their numbers pulled up and everything. Like the question is for my wife and I is if we're going to have to help my in-laws financially with retirement, they're wanting to retire in about five years. They have a whole financial fiasco and we're currently working on baby step two.
We're plowing through our debt. We're doing pretty well. And we're just wondering, are we going to have to help them and their financial mess when we're trying to still work on ours, you know, buildings into step three.
Chapter 3: Should we sell our rental property?
And unless it's something they can figure out on their own, you know, we're just kind of worried about the future basically for both parties.
Have they asked you for your help?
So they have not.
Then this call is over. Yeah, there's not a lot you can do, man. Not a lot you can do, and I hate that for you.
What made you feel like we've got to take on the burden of their financial future?
It's kind of that whole, you know, obviously we want to –
live like no one else so we can later live and give like no one else mindset and we've they my mother-in-law has kind of opened up to wanting some help with finance but my father-in-law is like i don't have any debt just my wife and it was like oh wow man you know that kind of scenario and has he always been like that that's a scary how long have you been married charlie
So I've been married for only a few months, but they've been married for at least 30 years.
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Chapter 4: What is your 'I've Had It' moment?
They bought their house in 92 in Orlando.
I'm going to give you some wisdom. I've been married for 21 years. Yes, sir. I would stay as far away from the inner workings of your in-laws marriage as you possibly can. Yes, sir. Unless both of them, not one of them, if both of them sit down and say, will you help us? Right.
Otherwise, you're going to get triangulated into this mess and you're going to end up, your wife's going to have to choose between you and the whole thing goes sideways. I think the best thing you could do right now is what I used to tell my daughter when she was four, which is you worry about you and let them worry about them.
Chapter 5: How do we navigate financial discussions in relationships?
Yeah, that's how I felt too. Like one time she came to my wife needing gas money. It was kind of one of those, is this going to get bigger than gas money one day?
Yes, yes.
It was kind of, yeah, it's scary.
Gas money is the gateway drug to more enabling here. Exactly. So here's what you can do, because I don't want to leave you in a lurch, just be like, ha ha, you can't do anything. There is something you can do that is way more powerful, and that is you live out this plan in such a way and talk about it openly to where they go, huh.
Tell me more about that snowball thing you guys are doing because you seem to be like on fire and something's different.
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Chapter 6: What are the implications of taking on in-laws' financial burdens?
You guys want to make some changes. That is going to be your best path to getting them to change versus writing them a check every month, hoping that it's going to solve anything.
George just gave you the optimistic version. Here's the other one. When you say, we're not going on that cruise that you just planned that we're supposed to pay for because that's not in our budget and it's not a part of our debt payment plan. Or we're not flying to wherever for Christmas because we are working on our debt. And they're, oh my gosh, are you kidding me?
You're telling me this stupid plan is more important than your family? Yeah, because we're playing a long game. Yeah.
Chapter 7: How should we prioritize debt repayment versus saving?
And if y'all opt to do Christmas without us, y'all can do that because y'all are grownups, but we, as for me and my house, right? So either way, they're either going to see the light and the fire inside of you, or they're going to be on the other side of your boundaries that you've put up. Either way, they're going to watch you. Your behavior is going to be a language for them.
And that's going to be the best initial teacher until they both sit down and say, all right, what are y'all doing? Will you teach us? And that's a whole different conversation.
Yeah.
that's what I've gathered. Cause my mother-in-law is more receptive.
Chapter 8: What strategies can help us manage our finances effectively?
Like she's actually already seeing a marriage counselor by herself. And there's kind of the, from what we've gathered already that he's not even agreeing with that either, that it's our problem. So why should someone else help us fix it?
All right. So I'm going to give you some more wisdom and it's going to be the exact same wisdom I gave you earlier. Get out of that marriage.
Deal with your own, right? That's our goal. We have our own place next Friday, and I kind of felt I just needed that reassurance, I guess, is it's okay to step back and start our own family tree and really be an example, like you said.
And grieve with your wife as she is sad that her parents' marriage is falling apart. And that their finances are a zoo. And they're both exhausted. And instead of celebrating with you two, they're trying to tread water. It's going to be hard on your wife. And, you know, you're all in with her. And so there's going to be some grieving that goes along with that naturally, right? Yes, sir.
Yeah, man. Well, good for you, man. Hey, thanks for being a guy that cares and loves, right?
But, man, that one's... Getting other people to do something I want them to do, I don't think it's ever worked out in my life.
And that seems to be. It makes me so frustrated. The engine that maybe Congress runs on. Like our whole thing is I'm going to get you to do something you don't want to do. It just doesn't ever work. Right. It never works unless you use force. And that always ends up in.
Well, you know, John, you're really in shape. And John's always like, dude, you got to move your body. You got to work out. But John can't want it more than I do.
Right.
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