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Chapter 1: Why does my husband refuse to combine finances with me?
Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods moving in storage studios, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work. that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, best-selling author, is my co-host today. And a big day for Dr. John and all the folks here at Ramsey. We are really excited.
His brand new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, goes on sale today. The pre-order goes on sale today. And Many of you have already responded to the pre-sale, and the book actually comes out October 8th? October 3rd. October 3rd, thank you. And it is absolutely incredible. I'm very excited as the CEO of Ramsey and as a fellow Ramsey personality for the content of this book.
It's absolutely incredible. How to Build a Non-Anxious Life. So, John...
how do you build i'm still figuring this out myself um so don't put out a book in front of 22 million people that'll help that's exactly right so um i think it goes back to a couple years ago right um when i i was um put on air to talk about the world had gone sideways, and we were talking about anxiety, about us anxious and stressed and burned out because we were all locked in our homes.
And we threw that quick readout, Redefining Anxiety, just a quick little, hey, guys, this isn't the problem. And that resonated so well. Anxiety is the symptom. That's exactly right. It's not the problem. And we thought that when we opened things back up and we got back to quote-unquote normal, we'd all be good. And it feels like things have continued to cascade sideways.
Everybody, if you look at the data, everybody's anxious, burned out, stressed out. I tell audiences, half of you are struggling with anxiety and the other half of you are married to somebody who is, right? So everybody's cooked. And so really looking at anxiety is not the problem. Anxiety is the symptom. Anxiety is the alarm system.
So if you're going to solve it, if you're going to build a non-anxious life, you have to actually go to the source. That's right.
You don't just take the batteries out of the alarm. That's right. You got to go to the source. What's causing it? It's about building a different life, man. We are living lives that are not free. We're not dealing with reality. We have ignored our health. We have ignored our relationships. We're just a mess. We're untethered mess. And so this book was really me walking through this myself, right?
Yeah. How can I distill down the neuroscience? How can I distill down the ancient wisdom that you get in the Bible? How do I distill all this down to six daily choices that a person can make every day to build a non-anxious life, man? And I'm pretty jazzed about it, pretty excited about it.
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Chapter 2: Should I withdraw from my 401(k) for a home down payment?
And if you can, it's hard to apply it. So I wanted to create a book that put in the hands of men and women, fathers and daughters and brothers and sisters, how can we change our lives? And very similar to what you've done with money, which is to take a complex zoo of of a financial system and just to still, here's how you live your life, man.
I've tried to do the same thing with the anxiety and the burnout and the stress that we're all feeling.
You know, one of the six choices is connection. And we've gotten, and I think the cell phone, the smartphone has made it worse, but we've gotten just horrible at personal relationships and having a friend. That's right. And staying connected with human beings. Right.
borrowing a cup of sugar from your neighbor instead of having amazon drop it on your front porch yeah you know and then you have a conversation with your neighbor and you find out oh that you know their husband's been ill you know i mean oh my gosh you find out stuff when you actually talk to human beings and have connection and when you lose connection a hermit is a you know being a hermit whether it's a technological hermit or a real hermit
That's mental illness. It's not good for you.
Yeah. Yeah, it's not good for you. I had this experience recently. My neighbor, he's in his 70s. He's an old farmer, worked the land. And we had a bad rainstorm and it washed out my gravel driveway. And I saw him in his tractor grading my driveway for me. Didn't even ask him to. Just grading my driver for him.
And he didn't ask you if he could. That's right.
He just started doing it. But listen, my wife made some, she's a world-class gardener. She made some jars of pickles. She made some sourdough bread, brought over some venison that we had from last season. And we brought him over a basket and he was working on his yard. And I brought Hank with me and I brought Josephine with me. And he looked at me and he dropped his shoulders.
He's sweaty as could be. He came over and gave me a big hug. And I thought, this is what neighbors are supposed to be, right? You help me out. I want to honor you and your family. And I honored you. I didn't write you a check. And he said, I don't want your money because I was going to bring him cash. He goes, I'm not taking your money.
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Chapter 3: How can I convince my daughter not to get a credit card?
Brand new book comes out October 3rd. It goes on sale today as a pre-sale. And here's the thing. $20 for the book, and if you buy it in presale starting right now, you get $75 in free bonus items. Instant access to Dr. John Deloney's newest talk, Smoke, Fire, and Freedom, that breaks down some of the mythology about this that we believe about anxiety and help you reclaim your life.
You get that talk right now. You also get the e-book and the audio book of Building a Non-Anxious Life. When the book comes out, we'll send those to you as well. All of that is a $75 value, all for $20. And, of course, you get the book, too. And pre-sale helps John, and it helps us with the marketing.
So the more we can pre-sell, the more it helps with the bestseller list, and the more it helps with the marketing. So if you want to help him out, the best way to do that is for you to get The Deal of the Century, $75 worth of stuff for $20, including the book. And you can pre-order starting right now, ready, set, go. at RamseySolutions.com.
Jump in our store at RamseySolutions.com and get it pre-ordered. And really incredible endorsements that you got from both the mental health community, also some friends that we have like Joshua Fields Milburn over at the Minimalist. Will Gadara, the world-class restaurateur. Dr. Caroline Leaf and Dr. Lane Norton also.
Sal DiStefano, some of the greats, man.
Some great, great folks. Michael Easter from Comfort Crisis. Good endorsements. So good book. It's a great book and really excited about this material and get it again into your all's hands. Building a non-anxious life at RamseySolutions.com. Jump in the store and get it right now.
Number one best-selling author of the book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future, and the new book out today on pre-sale, Dr. John Deloney, the new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Dr. John, my co-host today. Terry is with us in Chicago. Hi, Terry. Welcome to The Ramsey Show.
Hi, Uncle Dave. Hi, John.
Hey, what's up?
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Chapter 4: What should I do now that I'm debt-free?
However, at this point, you know, it's just kind of like he just does not want to combine finances. He's content with just, you know, giving his portion of what we're going to pay for the home. So I do carry part of what the responsibility is in the home in terms of the utilities.
I'm sorry, I can't go along with this. I don't agree. I'm not going to participate in this insanity.
I agree. I agree.
This is unhealthy, and you know it's unhealthy, and you refuse to deal with it. Why?
Oh, I'm definitely trying to deal with it.
No, you're not trying to deal with it. You're trying to work around it.
Short of... You know, we need to get to the bottom. I know I can't really tell you everything, but at the end of the day, I'm feeling stuck. And I don't want to feel stuck. I feel like I want to do this with him, but I know I'm going to have to just do it on my own, on my portion.
So here's the thing. Let's take that track. You know what to do. You put your debts in order of smallest to largest, and you pay them off.
Absolutely.
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Chapter 5: How can I effectively sell my land loan?
I mean, it's way less than 5%. And so what you're asking to do is statistically improbable. Can it be done? Well, good Lord. Yeah. Most anything can be done, but it's just, it's unhealthy because now what we're saying is we're just going to put our hands over our ears and go lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, and pretend like this is not going on.
And we're going to go on about our way and we're going to try to be, try to be wealthy anyway. And we're going to try to get out of debt and stay out of debt anyway. But something else is going on here that y'all really need to get the bottom of for the sake of your marriage. Also for the sake of your futures.
If you find, so let's go to the end. If you find yourself and the person you're married to says, I'm out. I'm not doing this. I'm not recommending you, then you run to divorce court. That's not the way to go. But then you're going to follow the baby steps the way you follow the baby steps. And you're going to have to create a life where I may have to go get second jobs.
I may have to go get third jobs. I may have to figure this thing out. And you may have to go to counseling on your own if the person just refuses to go with you. Um, but my hope is that someone would see your determination. They would see the path you're taking and see the light that's coming on in your eyes. And they'd say, Hey, I want to be a part of that. I know that's not true.
If you're married to someone who struggles with addiction, if you're married to somebody who just doesn't care, someone's just struggling with certain kinds of mental, I get all that. But at some point, you either have to say, hey, this is it. We're going to have this final conversation. And if they won't do it, I mean, they won't do it.
Yeah, Dave, sometimes it's throwing your hands up and saying, whatever, it's not worth it. And sometimes, I mean, you're just, I mean, the old ball and chain is the old ball and chain. You're married to a guy that just says, I ain't getting off the couch. And then you got some hard choices to make again.
Yeah, that's where you're facing. And so I'm just telling you that in doing this in spite of your spouse folks and everything staying separate, A, it's a lot harder and B, your probability is just not there. And then what we're dealing with is the money problems are not a problem. They're a symptom of your relationship problems. That's what's going on.
I think it's important to double-click on that. If somebody won't work with you, your biggest issue in your life is not your debt.
That's what I'm trying to say.
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Chapter 6: What are the benefits of budgeting for my financial goals?
That's right.
That may be the way you solve it. But anyway, yeah, the thing is you need to get up under this thing and solve that part of it. for the quality of life that you have going forward and for your relationship to prosper and then for your money to prosper. They very seldom are not connected.
These are not compartmentalized, departmentalized things that you can set this over here and pretend like this other isn't happening. They are woven together inextricably. You cannot get away from it. And so it's just, it's tough. So I hope you can get to the bottom of it, Terry. I hope you guys can find some peace and find some, you know, unity at your place. This is The Ramsey Show.
Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host today. He's also the host of the Dr. John Deloney podcast, which you need to tune into if you want to hear about relationships and mental health issues and all kinds of fun stuff. It's an exciting, fun show.
There's always something wacky going on and always good information for you to use in your daily life as well. Dustin is in Dallas, Texas. Hi, Dustin. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi Dave. How are you doing today? Better than I deserve. What's up?
Good. Um, so I have this question about, uh, I have a 401, I changed jobs and I have a 401k sitting, um, there. And I'm, um, very tempting to take that 401k given that the we're moving. So I'm selling my current home, moving to Phoenix. And it's very tempting to take that 401k and take the 30% hit and, uh,
put that on the next home to drive my, to, so that I can get a 15 year mortgage to kill that upfront interest. That's, that's, uh, all the, all this front loaded interest on these, on these loans, on these loans right now.
And I know that's generally not a good idea, but you know, with a seven and a half percent return annually, and you're talking about six, 6.5% interest, uh, you know, you're going to pay that in interest over the course, you know, you're going to, that, that a hundred thousand dollars is going to make, you know, of roughly 450 over the course of 20 years.
And you're going to pay that roughly an interest over the course of the loan. So my question is, is, you know, normally I find a good idea to do, but is there an edge case where that might be okay? Especially if it affords me a lot more money to invest over time, given my monthly output.
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Chapter 7: How do I create a sustainable financial plan?
And yes, we don't want to do 30 years, but it's not front-loaded with interest. The interest is calculated on the outstanding balance on all mortgages except for some kind of subprime garbage. But I mean, a traditional conventional mortgage is calculated like simple interest.
So in that case, I guess it would be better to take that 401k and either roll it over into an IRA or into my current 401k. And then just take whatever money we get from the house.
And buy a house that you can put on a 15-year.
Yeah, buy a house that we can put on a 15-year. Yeah, I guess that's probably the better way.
That's going to be at the end of the story the biggest pile of wealth of any of the options we've discussed. That will give you the biggest pile of wealth.
I mean, that's my ultimate goal is just because the current house that I have now, it was on 30-year because I didn't have a lot of money saved whenever I bought the house. But I've since paid off all my school loans. I don't have any credit card debt. The only other debt I have is just my truck, which is I owe $17,000 on my truck. But that's it. I don't have any other debt other than that.
Okay. Well, let's get that cleaned up. That's standing between you and wealth, too. Right. Yeah, exactly. We don't keep that around like it's a pet and call it smart. It's not.
And there's also a third thing here, Dave, and always a light bulb goes off for me when somebody paints an either-or picture. Either I cash out this 401 to do X, or I just got to pay this thing out over 30 years. There's always a third option, and the third option here is, no, pay extra on that loan. And buy a house you can afford on a 15. Don't pet it for 15 years. Get rid of it in seven.
Get rid of it in six, right? Exactly. Don't just sit on it, right? And so then all those calculations you're doing on the back of a napkin that, A, were incorrect, but, B, feel like they make sense, they don't make sense if you just get rid of the loan completely.
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Chapter 8: What steps should I take to improve my financial situation?
Hi, Elizabeth. How are you?
I'm great. Thank you so much for taking my call. This is a huge honor to be able to speak to you guys.
Our honor as well. How can we help?
Well, my daughter, sweet little girl, just graduated from college in May, and she's living in the big city 12 hours away. And Saturday I got a call saying, Mommy, they ran my debit card for my whole balance that was in my savings account.
because it goes to connect her checking is connected to her savings and she was freaking out and wondering what to do and so i'm sorry who did what do you mean they ran who's a merchant a merchant ran her card and took her debit card and took all of her money out of it Yeah, she had like $3,800, $4,000 in the account, and they ran it for $3,800.
So they stole her money?
Pretty much. I think they told her it was a keying error.
Oh, so they put it back?
They did put it back.
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