Chapter 1: What stresses can impact relationships during financial crises?
It's The Real Estate Podcast, brought to you by Ray White, the largest real estate and property group in Australasia. And welcome to another episode of The Real Estate Podcast. We're talking to Joanne Wilson, a neuropsychotherapist and the relationship rejuvenator. Welcome to The Real Estate Podcast, Joanne. Oh, it's so great to join you, Craig. Thanks for having me.
And it's great to have you on. You know, it doesn't matter what is going on in our lives. We all have different levels of stress. And when you add in the pandemic on top of these stress levels, sometimes it can be a little bit overwhelming. And unfortunately, one of the byproducts of investing in real estate can elevate our stress levels. Then you add in, for good measure, the relationship.
Chapter 2: How can stress levels affect our relationships?
And if that starts to stress, then it's no wonder that a lot of people are stressed out. Yes, Craig, you did mention stress and I think that's almost something that we can't see but has been affecting relationships more than ever. And I'll even say that, yeah, I have definitely suffered additional stress and I think it's more the uncertainty. We thrive on hope for the future.
And whilst things are improving, for a long time there, it really was causing a lot of trouble with couples because if we're not putting forward our best version of ourselves... it's really hard to contribute to a great, thriving, dynamic relationship.
So when you've got these really high stress cortisol levels running rampant and you're really not even noticing that that's happened, I think it's just really helpful to realize that when you are keeping your stress levels low and when you are managing your stress well through all the different strategies, that coming through the pandemic that hopefully things will improve a lot more.
But I think that was probably the main thing. And the couples that really anticipate adversity, like no one knew that we were going to get a pandemic, I must admit. I'm not sure how many people knew that was coming. But I think it's just helpful to realise that any adversity is going to happen and a full life is full of challenges. And we've got to have that comparison between the good and
and the bad and couples that know and can really band together. They're the ones that have fared well, the ones that don't really talk about that and are the ones that really have struggled. So probably they're the main two things is stress and anticipating adversity.
And do you find that people are very sort of withdrawn as a result, like when this starts to take over in terms of stress, do they just kind of internalise a lot of the problems? I think people do it differently, Craig.
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Chapter 3: What role does communication play in managing financial stress?
Everyone responds differently to adversity. So some people definitely suffer from depressive symptoms and can withdraw, don't want to see people. Some people can be quite out there and scrambling to make connections or calling people or making it quite public on social media. So I think it depends on who you are as to how you manage your stress, but...
Whatever you do, I think, is to ensure that you do have solid relationships. That's where I come in and probably a little bit unbiased to say that healthy relationships, not even just the intimate ones, but having a community that you can rely on is definitely the underpinning for your mental health and that supports reducing your stress levels.
And have you noticed that your clientele, like we've discussed this quite a lot on the Real Estate Podcast, and that is there seems to be this huge emphasis now on as a result of the pandemic, about home and the safety of home. As a result, we know globally around the world that real estate has just gone up and up and up and up.
It's reversed every single trend because when the pandemic first broke, there was all the news that there was going to be doom and gloom, but that hasn't happened. So I just wonder if that is kind of echoed when you've sat down talking to some of your clients about whether or not they've bought an investment property, whether they're talking about the home, selling the home and that sort of thing.
Has that sort of presented itself to you? Well, I think our home is a place to be a safe sanctuary. I think you're absolutely right.
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Chapter 4: How do different people respond to stress and adversity?
Like we never had predicted that the market would do what it has.
But to have that place that either many people are now working from home, are spending a lot more time there, you know, that has created conflict in the counselling room from what I can see that people will have different money values about, you know, for example, the female who might be at home with the children and working from home,
She wants to spend more money on, you know, the aesthetics and investing in that area because she's looking at it all the time versus the partner who might be a fly in, fly out guy who doesn't care so much. So there's so many different, we wonder why we struggle in relationships because there's so many different areas where it can fall apart. But I think you're right.
Like the emphasis on the home is definitely seems to be shining through. And as I said about that word sanctuary, I think that's what we really, to come home and just be yourself is, And to enjoy your environment is so important these days. And what can couples do if they're facing financial stress? And as a result of that financial stress, the relationship is also in distress.
yeah finances comes up all the time i wish i was a financial expert as well but that's where i am very clear with couples that that's where my boundaries lay mind you on on some of the online analysis that i run through with couples that you know a lot of the focus is on how what are your financial values about but the biggest uh recommendation i could say is to acquire those communication skills that if you have different values or
you are really struggling, that you can know that if you want to talk about this with your partner, that you can deliver that information in a non-blaming way and know that they're a listening ear and that they will receive it in a non-blaming way.
As you can imagine, too often, like our human nature just goes into attack and defend that if I hear something I don't like, if I've spent too much money or made a silly decision I thought was good at the time, knowing that I will have a listening ear, that I can talk it through instead of being attacked is so important.
So most of my time in the counselling room is spent on communication and conflict skills.
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Chapter 5: What impact has the pandemic had on home and relationship dynamics?
So that is such a great leap forward when couples can learn that very unscientific respect and kindness on all topics, not just finances. But yeah, another one I think is to find mentors like, you know, like in any area of life. If you know of a successfully financial person or a successful couple, you know, drop the ego and ask them how they did it. Ask them for advice.
I think whenever anyone asks me for advice, it sort of boosts my ego and I'm happy to share as much wisdom as I could ever convey to help share the love. So yeah, they're my two top tips. And what is the association between relationships and mental health?
Yeah, as I touched on before, it is really important for your mental health that either you're looking out for some people, like that's one of my depression and anxiety medications is to Yes, you do need to enable gaze for a while.
We do need to work out why you're feeling that way, but often to look up and care for others, just to have maybe two people's names on the fridge that you can call on makes you feel better. And as well, just if you're in an intimate relationship, to know that you are in a safe beautiful, intimate environment that you have each other's back.
So again, I really like to place the emphasis on single people. You can just have as much of a flourishing and fantastic life as long as you've got your key people that you can count on. You don't have to be an extrovert.
The most beautiful people I know are introverts, but knowing that you've got someone that you can call on or that they can call on you in this increasingly individualistic world, it's very sad to see a lot more people living alone And so I really think it's important to ensure that you don't stay isolated. That is the key to your mental health is to be connected and feel loved.
Well, 2022 is here. We've got to feel connected. So what sort of a year are you planning for this year? Because it's going to be an interesting year, like the vaccinations are up. I think we're going to turn the corner a little bit, maybe halfway through this year and maybe start to kick this pandemic to touch. Oh, Craig, I am feeling so positive about this year. It's going to be exciting.
But again, we have to anticipate adversity, either in our personal lives, business or whatever. So I think that's not a pessimistic perspective. It's just, okay, let's bring it on. Let's be positive.
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Chapter 6: What strategies can couples use to navigate financial disagreements?
Let's plan exciting things. But especially, you know, based on what we've talked about, reach out, get into community, organise things, be connected. And yeah, get back to that beautiful sense of connection with everybody else that we've so... missed in the last few years. So yeah, that's what I'm looking forward to. Joanne, you're very, very positive. That's a good thing to hear.
Hey, great to talk to you. And thanks so much for coming on to The Real Estate Podcast. My pleasure. We connect you to the best real estate information across Australia. The Real Estate Podcast.