In this episode of The Ryan Leak Podcast, we’re doing a full Expectations Detox. Because let’s be honest—some of us are walking into work, home, and life expecting people to be simple, perfect, and just like us… and we’re constantly disappointed. Why? Because people are complicated. Quirky. Moody. Late. And wildly different.Ryan unpacks why the key to working with (and loving) complicated people isn’t lowering your standards—it’s resetting your expectations. From Target people vs. Walmart people, to snackers vs. nibblers, to that one coworker who’s always bringing the foolishness, this episode will help you stop being shocked by humanity and start preparing for it.If you’ve ever said, “I can’t believe they would…”—this one’s for you.🔥 Order Ryan’s new book, How to Work With Complicated People, releasing April 15, on Amazon today.📲 Want to stay encouraged every week? Text “Podcast” to 469-809-1201 to subscribe to Ryan's weekly encouraging text.
Chapter 1: What is the Expectations Detox all about?
Welcome to the Ryan Leak Podcast, where we keep things short, sweet, and practical. This episode is officially released on Monday, April 14th, which means tomorrow I have a brand new book coming out called How to Work with Complicated People. And I would love for you to order your copy on Amazon. And it could be at your house within a day or two. Who knows?
Chapter 2: How can adjusting expectations improve relationships?
Maybe even same day if you got Amazon Prime. Today's episode is unpacking something that I talk about in my book, which is one of the primary strategies for working with people who have that gift of getting on your last nerve.
I want to talk to you today about how you're going to be so much more effective in your life, in your job, with your relationships, when you begin to adjust your expectations. Here's the truth. Most of us quietly expect two things from everybody, and we'd rarely ever say it out loud. but we expect just about everybody to be simple and perfect.
Chapter 3: What are the common unrealistic expectations we have of others?
You'd never say that out loud, but our internal reactions slash frustrations often come from people missing the mark. Now their job description doesn't say simple or perfect really anywhere. The wedding vows don't typically include either of those words, but somehow when somebody falls short, It's usually from an internal expectation that our external relationships never even knew about. And so...
what we actually get instead of simple and perfect is, well, complicated, imperfect, quirky, late, moody, difficult, dare I say, human. Unfortunately, your only options for bosses, coworkers, kids, neighbors, pastors, lovers, the only options you got are human ones. And humans, unfortunately, well, they come with complexity.
Chapter 4: Why are people complicated and different?
I mean, wouldn't it be awesome if we could all go to perfectpeople.com and handpick flawless individuals to marry, to lead, to work with, to hire, start businesses with these people, live next to these people. But here's the problem. Well, we wouldn't be on the website. They wouldn't be able to pick us. So what do we do instead? I think we adjust our expectations.
Stop being disappointed when you don't get sameness. People are different, wildly different. And I'll prove it. Some people are one word responders. You got any friends like this? The one-word responders, fine, good, okay. That's the whole text. The one that drives me the most crazy is when someone responds with just, sure. Want to go on a date? Sure. Will you be at my birthday party? Sure.
Listen, I get it. Some people just don't feel like texting you back, so they'll just hit you with the sure. Some people are the opposite, though. They are blog responders. You ask how their weekend was and they send you 800 words, seven photos, three voice memos, then a Spotify playlist. You're like, hey, I don't need all of that. Some people are in group chats, but don't ever respond.
Chapter 5: How do personality types affect interactions?
Don't judge them. They just got stuff to do and they don't feel like responding. I get it. People are different. Some people are Walmart people. Low prices, rollbacks, everything in bulk. I get it. Some people are target people. $50 for some toothpaste and throw pillows and they'll get groceries and couches at the same time. They're different.
You got Nike people, you got Adidas people, you got New Balance people. They different. You got Coke people, Pepsi people, Dr. Pepper people, Coke Zero people, McDonald's Coke people. Water people that would be upset if I mentioned a carbonated drink on a podcast. You got fast food people. They need their Chick-fil-A in five minutes or less. Then you got slow food people.
Chapter 6: What should we remember when dealing with different types of people?
You go out with them, they want to be there for three hours. It's like, hey man, I got stuff to do. Some people are snack people. You know anybody like this? You ain't never seen them eat, ever. But they always just nibbling. They just like squirrels all day. You're like, did you eat today? Yeah, you had some almonds. You'd be like, what? You got indoorsy people, outdoorsy people.
You got some people's ideal vacation is leaving their kids and going to a beach with no schedule, no responsibility, just peace. Some people's dream is a staycation where grandma takes the kids and they do nothing in their own house. Some people's dream vacation is to take their kids with them. I'd be like, why are you taking your chaos to another city? But we're different.
Chapter 7: How can we better prepare for human interactions?
The reality is, is we just can't walk into the world and expect the world to have our preferences, our pace, and our personality. They're different. And that's okay. Stop being shocked when humans don't match your settings. Because they've got their own.
So I'm going to encourage you to walk into dinners, meetings, Zooms, classrooms, group chats, PTA meetings, family reunions, in-laws' houses, weddings, holiday gatherings, airport security lines, staff huddles, boardrooms, road trips. Facebook comment sections, HOA meetings, fantasy football draft, small groups, parent-teacher conference, maybe even your own kitchen on a Monday morning.
And when you walk in there, I want you to be expecting complicated. Yeah, I want you to expect the quirks. I want you to expect tardiness, attitude, disorganization, oversharing, under-delivering. I want you to expect that weird comment in the meeting. Expect someone to talk just to hear themselves talk. This isn't about lowering your standards.
It's about having realistic standards and realistic expectations. People constantly tell me, I I can't believe my coworker would throw me under the bus like that. I can't believe my friend was an hour late again. I can't believe my sibling still doesn't text me back. I can't believe, I can't believe, I can't believe. My response, believe these people. Absolutely, believe them.
Because people show us who they are all the time. We just don't want to accept the data. It's not on them. It's on us. So here's what I believe is going to help you with difficult and complicated people. Stop expecting people to change who aren't trying to. I'll say it one more time. Stop expecting people to change who aren't trying to. Here's what I've learned.
People who are trying to change, they do two things. Number one, they actually believe they need to change. If your boss has anger issues, the question is, do they even believe that they have anger issues? If your best friend never follows through on anything, do they believe it's a problem? You see, awareness is the first step, and many people aren't even on the staircase.
Number two, people who try to change, they go out of their way to do so. If they believe they have anger issues, they find a therapist. If they're out of shape, they find a trainer. If they struggle with procrastination, they get an accountability partner. If they over promise and under deliver, they stop promising and start planning. Now, here's the million dollar question.
Does the most difficult person in your life show either of those traits? Do they even think they need to change? Or are they actively working on it? If the answer is no, why are you expecting them to be any different? My friend, stop expecting people to change who aren't trying to. You see, the beauty of this posture is it changes how you show up everywhere. Oh, you show up completely different.
You show up to work Monday morning thinking, is it going to be you today, Sheila? Is it going to be you today? Are you the one that's going to bring the foolishness? Here's the deal. Sheila, shockingly, is chill. You're like, all right, I see you. I see you, Sheila. That's cool. Tuesday, you walk into a meeting with Lucy. You brace for the eye roll. And all of a sudden, she gives you nothing.
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