This Is Actually Happening
Episodes
What if a minor procedure left you permanently altered? - [Rebroadcast #135]
12 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“My personhood had been shattered into a thousand pieces that I and my family were left to pick up one at a time.” Today's episode features O...
240: What if nine bullets shattered your dreams?
21 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“These are open ended wounds that you have to patch up, but how do you patch them up? How do you make it okay.”Today’s episode featured Diamond ...
239: What if a single decision led to a spiral of loss?
14 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“Living in a constant state of anxiety does something to you…I’m not able to live, I’m not able to love, I’m not able to thrive.”Today's g...
238: What if you were tortured in an Iranian prison?
07 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“You were in this abyss of darkness and the hardest part was not knowing…not knowing at all if you’re going to live or die or when or how.”&nb...
237: What if your mom hoarded 90 cats?
31 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“We had such a sense of safety and comfort and then…it was like everything changes and you can’t go back.”Today's guest requested to rema...
236: What if you had the worst roommate ever?
24 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“When there’s some trauma, you have a poison within you….If you leave it there it’s going to ferment and take over your life and your body…....
235: What if delusion consumed your family?
17 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“A family tree is not permanent…You’re allowed to trim some branches.”Today’s guest requested to remain anonymous. But if you’d like to re...
234: What if your joy came with a tragic price?
10 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“To feel like at any moment something tragic could happen put me in a deep, deep cloud as far as who I am, what can I be, and what could I have been...
233: What if they invaded your home?
03 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“It honestly felt like my whole life had just gone from this amazing color filled motion picture to just going into something so black and white…j...
232: What if you committed a hate crime?
26 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“The feeling of unknowing while you’re going through that is probably the strongest, most terrifying feeling I’ve ever felt.” Today’s e...
231: What if they all betrayed you?
19 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“I was just terrified, just the not knowing what was happening or what was even going on in my own body…and I was so confused and hurt and scared....
230: What if you discovered you were the enemy?
12 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“It’s just terror, it’s just fear with no object…It’s so purely guttural and instinctive it’s almost like the prey of a tiger…the moment...
229: What if your life unraveled thread by thread?
05 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“I felt like I went through a portal into this evil place…and I immediately knew that we were in a whole different world.” Today’s storyt...
228: What if you grew up with the ghosts of war?
29 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“Because so much of my life when I’d seen things happening I’d been told that it wasn’t really happening, I think my brain kind of formed to t...
227: What if you faced a terrifying beast?
22 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“What it felt like was - I am absolutely here, but this is not happening to us…This is not happening at all.” Today’s episode featured Jo...
226: What if you had three different faces?
15 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“I would look in the mirror and my eyes wouldn’t focus because it was like my brain wasn’t registering that that was me…I literally saw a stra...
225: What if you stared into the abyss?
08 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“People who are grieving a serious loss, and you’re staring into the abyss, they understand intimately the loss that we are all going to face, wha...
224: What if they stole your childhood?
01 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“I didn’t get a chance to know who I was or who I should have become, and I will never know that person.” Producers: Whit Missildine, ...
223: What if you were the dirty little secret?
22 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“Now I know that half of me it’s a lie where does that leave me who am I who is this person it’s like you entirely lose your identity and I feel...
222: What if you were a stranger in your own home?
15 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“If life is so fragile, death can come to you anytime any day in any place.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summa...
221: What if you were addicted to each other?
08 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“All that stuff I went through, the abuse, the physical, verbal, everything was not rock bottom for me….Me realizing that I was being abusive to p...
220: What if they died in your hands?
01 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“I just thought this is not happening, like how could this be happening? This isn’t supposed to happen…I felt like it was my fault.” Prod...
219: What if you bled to death?
25 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“It’s never given that you’re going to be here tomorrow or in the next hour. You’ve got to respect that and you’ve got to live your life acc...
218: What if the family glue came undone?
18 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“Is this really happening? Like, is this really my reality? I’m questioning myself as to whether or not I was crazy and had I really seen what I j...
217: What if you saw the face of death?
11 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“We are not necessarily who we think we are…There are more paradoxes in life than things that make sense.” Today’s episode featured Kim. ...
216: What if you opened Pandora's Box?
14 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“Time stopped while my brain was trying to catch up, and I was horrified I was confused I was bewildered I was panicked…just a wave of all of that...
215: What if you faced the monster in the mirror?
07 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I was like a walking dead. I was just a shell, but I couldn’t stop…my soul was gone.” Producer: Whit MissildineGuest: Kenneth Ginla...
214: What if you woke up in oblivion?
30 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“My life is so much more fragile than I thought it was, and my existence goes beyond this tiny little place that I live in.” Today’s episod...
213: What if they were murdered trying to protect you?
23 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“It just got too hurtful to think of him in the ground and me still alive…I couldn’t understand the meaning in it.”Today’s episode featured ...
212: What if everyone pretended you were dead?
16 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I had no reference point of how to live or behave or anything….It was like this cocoon had been just ripped away from me, and I didn’t know wha...
211: What if you had to let her go to save yourself?
09 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I honestly think that if the mom I grew up with hadn’t given me such a great sense of self-esteem, I don’t think I would have lasted as long un...
210: What if you didn't know where they were taking you?
02 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I kept thinking there’s no way that God is going to let this happen to me…What could I have done in my life to deserve what’s going on right ...
208: What if you ran through the pain?
19 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“It was like I was in a whole other universe for like five to ten minutes just walking around, like I couldn’t function, I didn’t know what to d...
207: What if you faced the ultimate betrayal?
12 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“Your whole sense of reality has been shaken so much that you question what is even real any more.” Today's episode featured Melissa. You can...
206: What if no one believed you?
05 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“The best way I can explain how it feels to not be believed is just profound loneliness…To not know where to turn to seek advice or to get a hug, ...
The Long Shadow: Bonus - Interview with Whit Missildine and Dan Taberski
30 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Producers: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary: Whit Missildine, host of This Is Actually Happening and The Long Shadow, and Dan Taberski, host of Mis...
205: The Long Shadow: What if you processed the remains?
28 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“The surrealism of the experience just it was hard to fathom…here we were in a clothing store being asked to do these sort of impossible thing.”...
204: The Long Shadow: What if you fought the fire?
21 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“You try not to think about the fact that you really think you’re going to die here…that it’s totally out of control.” Producers: ...
203: The Long Shadow: What if you were on the 68th floor?
14 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“It’s not like there was time to ponder your fate…you just thought, we’re powerless to get out of the building….This is it.” Producer...
202: The Long Shadow: What if you ran the ER five blocks away?
07 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“The world looks like it’s coming to an end, and another cloud comes over…Everything goes dark, and the world is covered in dust.” Produc...
201: What if you believed it was all your fault?
31 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“There’s really no way to explain how it feels when you realize one decision you made in an instant altered the life of everyone around you.”&nb...
200: What if you were consumed by your only cure?
24 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“All the reality that I had been putting off, and all of the denial, it all crashed in on me.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock...
199: What if your deepest friendship was your darkest fate?
17 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I was too ashamed to reach out and say, ‘Look, I don’t understand what’s happening, I think I’m going crazy…please help me.’” Pr...
198: What if you rescued everyone to save yourself?
10 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“When I knew I was dying, I knew that I wasn’t going to have the anxiety or the OCD brain, it was just going to be over.” Producers: W...
197: What if you died?
03 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“That’s me, and I’m dead. But if that’s me, then who am I?” Producers: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary: After surviving a brutal up...
What if you survived a genocide? [Rebroadcast - #113]
27 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
"No one can even understand. You can't measure the magnitude of that pain. You can't measure the pain that we went through." Producer: Whit ...
What if you had a ten-year nightmare? [Rebroadcast - #103]
20 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
"The hardest part is that I still don't have any answers...what came into my house that night?" Producer: Whit Missildine Episode Summa...
196: What if you went missing?
22 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“It was just full chills over my body, tears in my eyes, it was that moment of I don’t know, I don’t understand, I don’t know.” Produce...
195: What if you never stopped searching?
15 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“The not knowing is awful, and it’s awful from day one and it’s awful thirty years later, but every day that goes by you get more and more in re...
194: What if you ran but couldn't hide?
08 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“It planted a seed in my mind that has never ever gone away even now that people might not be who they say they are.” Producers: Whit Mi...
193: What if your deepest secret was shared with the world?
01 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I felt like I was sort of drifting along as something besides human, like I had stepped onto another planet inside my head.” Producers: ...
192: What if one wrong turn meant life or death?
25 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“You are in absolute darkness, and until you are in that kind of situation it’s hard to understand what darkness is.” Producers: Whit ...
191: What if you suffered from trichotillomania?
18 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“The person who was pulling was just stronger than the person who wanted a perfect life.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits ...
190: What if your fairytale was finally within reach?
11 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I was really lost and I was so incredibly desperate for someone to love me…and to fill the void that had kind of been opened in me .” Prod...
189: What if you couldn't stop shining?
04 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“That feeling that you get when you find out an important piece of information, that ‘aha moment’ was happening constantly. I felt as if somebod...
188: What if you spent four years inside?
27 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I was just left fighting this invisible thing inside me, the root of which I didn’t know.” Producers: Whit Missildine Episode Su...
187: What if you were trapped all over again?
20 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“In horror movies there’s this beautiful moment for the protagonist where the monster’s real, everyone can see it…but a lot of times in real l...
186: What if you were consumed by a preposterous phobia?
13 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I cannot get over the fact that this actually happened. It felt strangely prophetic.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Epi...
185: What if you kept shaking hands with death?
06 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I was forced into being vulnerable, I was forced into being present, I was forced into existing suddenly with my lights turned on.” Producer...
184: What if you didn't know who he was?
30 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“No matter how hard you fight against having no change in your life, it’s going to come anyway.” Producers: Whit Missildine Episo...
183: What if everyone was watching you?
23 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“If you could imagine having thoughts that frightened you, then other times they made you believe things about your perception or what you were seei...
182: What if your daughter committed a seemingly unforgivable act?
16 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I close my eyes even to this day reliving it over and over in my head like, ‘Did that really happen?’ I wasn’t for sure that it was really re...
181: What if you committed a seemingly unforgivable act?
09 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I just kept saying ‘I don’t know, I’m sorry, I don’t know, it’s all my fault. I can’t believe I just did that,’… I’m in disbelief...
180: What if your plane was hijacked?
02 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“Time just did not exist, the only thing that existed was decisions.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: A ...
179: What if a horrifying loss led to a grand adventure?
23 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I saw myself in the mirror, and it was like seeing a CGI character…I’m sitting here looking at this frail person that looks nothing like me.”...
178: What if you couldn't tell him what really happened?
16 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“Will I ever be able to be one of them ever again, or am I just like an alien now?” Producer: Whit Missildine Episode Summary: A wo...
177: What if you woke up two months later?
09 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I felt like my brain was in Saran Wrap…you’re just not all there.” Producer: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: Ha...
176: What if you were trapped in a never-ending dream?
02 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“I was asleep. Everything I was going through was not real, and it’s just this very convincing feeling that you’re right about this” Prod...
175: What if you had their knee on your neck?
26 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“They were there to remind me who I was in the world, and it hurt too much on the inside, being hurt on the outside didn’t matter as much.” ...
174: What if you couldn't remember that night?
19 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“The hardest part about the whole thing is just not knowing; for a few hours that night I wasn’t me and that’s terrifying.” Producer:&nbs...
173: What if your cry for help led to an unthinkable tragedy?
12 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
“You just think this is a nightmare, and then you realize nope this is my life, this is real.”Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew WaitsEpisode...
172: What if you were lured into an unspeakable hell?
15 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“I did have a hard time ever really feeling safe anywhere, and the problem was just that inside of me it wasn’t safe so it didn’t matter where I...
171: What if you saw inside the belly of the beast?
08 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“Looking down the barrel of a gun is devastating….Although I was a kid it was very clear that there was lots of hate, and I was kind of frozen.”...
170: What if you didn't sleep for 120 hours?
01 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“It felt like the earth had stopped rotating like I was trapped in this moment of just complete all-encompassing fear.”Producer: Whit Missild...
169: What if you were an Adult Baby Diaper Lover?
24 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“I would do everything I could that had to happen to engage with this object that I needed to do and then I would bury it….And I had to realize at...
168: What if you believed you were Jesus Christ?
17 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“It’s like you’ve lost yourself completely, and you’re basically left in a million different pieces.”Producer: Whit MissildineEpisode Summar...
167: What if you had a fetish for disgust?
10 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“Once I was able to be in control of what I decide is disgusting instead of having that placed on me, that’s what helped me become friends with th...
166: What if you didn't have any fear?
03 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“The mind almost has to find a way to prove that it’s not real. This cannot be happening.”Producer: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary: After visiti...
165: What if you were a blind dominatrix?
27 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“In these spaces I, as a vulnerable person, am suddenly given the gift of somebody else’s vulnerability.”Producer: Whit MissildineEpisode Summar...
164: What if a shocking accusation devastated your family?
20 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“It’s truly such an indescribable feeling…kind of like the walls are closing in on you, like reality is just collapsing.”Producer: Whit Missil...
Introducing This is Actually Happening
17 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
The uncanny, extraordinary, true stories of events that have dramatically altered the lives of ordinary people; a son is shot by his own father, a wom...
163: What if you grew up in a violent gang?
06 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“Any sense of identity no matter how fake was better than no sense of identity, yet if I don’t have a sense of identity, then who am I as a person...
162: What if you grew up in a cult?
22 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“I didn’t know what normal was, so everything looked so scary….Everything I was doing I was learning for the time it was like my birth into the ...
161: What if you suffered a shocking loss?
08 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“That feeling…honestly I will never forget it, just your heart dropping into your stomach…it’s unreal.”Producer: Whit MissildineEpisode Summ...
Happenings Vol. 1: No Man's Land
01 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Today we launch a new series of bonus content called “Happenings” with three stories of people facing their deepest fears in the unforgiving wilde...
160: What if you were assaulted by a stranger in the dark?
25 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“Right in the center of your body there’s this lead heavy ball, and inside of it is an immediate understanding of evil.”Producer: Whit Missildin...
159: What if someone you love committed a monstrous crime?
11 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“I could live with the nightmares. I could live with the panic attacks. But the thing that was tearing me apart was questioning if everything I know...
158: What if you entered The Void?
28 Jul 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“You try to take off your skin to try to get rid of this voice, and it goes all the way down to the bone.”Producer: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary...
157: What if you couldn't tell anyone?
16 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“The idea that they had plucked me from this terrible life…and it was all going to be sunflowers and rainbows and shit…I just view that as a fan...
156: What if you swallowed 48 bags of cocaine?
02 Jun 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“I had to go through having taken everything away from me to come to the conclusion that … you’ll come back a person that’s wiser and a more f...
155: What if you had to pull the plug?
19 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“When somebody hurts you and then they’re like, ‘now you have to take care of him, you’re responsible for him…’ I didn’t know how to fee...
154: What if your mom was murdered by a serial killer?
05 May 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“I had total grief and sadness and fear and also just disbelief that it happened. But it’s different when you lose somebody who hurt you.”Produc...
BONUS Episode - Tyson Was Abducted - from What Was That Like podcast
28 Apr 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Today, I'm introducing the podcast What Was That Like, by Scott Johnson. Featuring real people in unreal situations, What Was That Like covers similar...
153: What if you wanted to disappear?
21 Apr 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“I had this secret inside me that I felt was my one and only friend and companion that took me away from all the pain and anxiety that I had moving ...
152: What if you were a human shield?
07 Apr 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“This fake face I was putting on for everybody was my only sense of normality when my whole life is already changed. I didn’t want to admit that s...
151: What if he made you think you were crazy?
24 Mar 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“I was sure that this was his mental illness and not something wrong with me until I started hearing it in my head. And that was when I started to t...
150: What if you were trapped in a cycle of abuse?
10 Mar 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“My earliest memories as a child were fear and anxiety…I was never able to control the situation and that unknown just haunted me.”Producer/Edit...
149: What if you committed child sexual abuse?
25 Feb 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“I misused my position of power to get my needs met…How is it that if we’re called by God to this ministry we could possibly do such a des...
148: What if you killed someone?
11 Feb 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“We have so much less control than we think we do….Death is really close at hand and we do not do ourselves often any favors by forgetting that.”...
147: What if your best friend was dying?
28 Jan 2020
Contributed by Lukas
“It’s much better to try to move forward with your life and accept that things are nebulous, and there are no clear answers.”Producer: Whit...