Chapter 1: Who is Bert Kreischer and what is his new project?
Social media, maybe I don't want everyone I went to school with to know I got my period yesterday. I was like, good call, 10-year-old or 12-year-old, whatever you are.
God, I don't know if people – I mean I guess people kind of remember – I think if somebody got their period in our neighborhood, people would just start calling them a whore or whatever. Like I think people were just – Yeah, people were more vulgar in our area, I think. You know, if anything happened, it was – everybody always made you feel ashamed no matter what happened to you, you know?
Oh, okay. Yeah, I've been talking about shame a lot in therapy. Have you been? Yeah, you just said – well, you just said that you saw somebody who was trying to teach their kid to ride a bike because I heard something going on out there. I heard something that sounded kind of Mexican or whatever happened outside.
It was very Mexican.
Yeah. Yeah. I heard, like, something kind of Mexican happened outside earlier, and I was like, oh, I wonder what's going on, but – I'm not going to get involved. I got to work right now. But you came in, you said you saw a mom teaching a kid to ride a bike. Yeah. And you were going to get involved. I wanted to get involved. Yeah.
And I just was like, no, this is their life. What am I doing? Like what part, what need do I have to jump in, make it an event, event like, ah, and then I don't know. So I was like, I'm working on that in therapy too. Just like removing myself, slowing down, listening. Yeah. Well, Leanne and I are in couples therapy.
Oh, y'all are? It's awesome.
No way. Yeah, I'm fucking killing her. Like, I've won three. She's only won two. Two ties. I'm smoking her, dude. The very first therapy. The very first therapy. The therapist. Like, I was just... Like, we went into couples therapy in a good place. We were in a good place. But the girls both went to college. We're spending a lot of time together. And, you know, and like...
Both of us were like, yeah, this is just different than we've ever lived. I've always been on the road, home Tuesday, Wednesday, gone Thursday, back Monday. And now all of a sudden, and I'm taking a break from stand-up right now, so I'm taking like a year off, and we're just around each other so much. We're like, maybe we should just be in front of it in case something happens.
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Chapter 2: How does Bert Kreischer approach couples therapy?
Chapter 3: What are Bert Kreischer's thoughts on social media oversharing?
My mom looks like she fucking tells on black people that walk out of the store with all this shit from Rite Aid.
Dude, that show was so wild. And it was like, bro, they paid us. It was fun. You got to be around other comedians. Tiffany Haddish was on there. Donnell Rawlings. Remember Javier George? That one comedian left. He left the first day. Remember George? Yeah.
Jeff Garcia. Jeff Garcia left. Don't play that. I do not need to see that. Hang on. I actually, that makes, I have nightmares about that. You know when you've done something and you're like, ah, why did I do that? That fucking moment. That fucking makes my skin crawl.
And this is when you made a promise to your mom in the dark or whatever.
They said, you're going to bring you in. You're going to seduce somebody. And the more you turn them on, the better you win. And they brought it in and it was our moms. And I In the dark. In the dark. And I told her what I'd do to her, giving her oral sex. I fucking... I think about that because I was honest. I was fucking honest, Theo.
That's illegal, too, to do that to your mother.
I think so.
Theo did the Native American warbler. I did? Let's make this plan happen. Whoa, mom!
I was scared, let me say.
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