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Today, Explained

The death of dating

19 Jun 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

1.87 - 15.897 Sean Illing

I'm Sean Elling, host of The Gray Area, and today I'm bringing the Today Explained audience a special edition of the show. The Gray Area takes a philosophy-minded look at culture, technology, politics, and the world of ideas.

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16.737 - 31.826 Sean Illing

Each week, we invite a guest to explore a question or topic that matters, from the state of democracy, to the struggle with depression and anxiety, to the nature of identity in the digital age. Each episode looks for nuance and honesty in the most important conversations of our time.

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32.588 - 38.88 Sean Illing

On today's episode, we're diving into dating, and in particular, how the internet has made dating so challenging for Gen Z.

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38.86 - 54.745 Christine Emba

I do believe that most people want to be loved. You know, they want to be seen. It was more that they didn't know how to get there. They didn't feel confident almost in their skills and understanding to make it happen for themselves.

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55.426 - 56.127 Sean Illing

That's coming up.

60.325 - 82.752 Noam Hassenfeld

Support for this show comes from Odoo. Running a business is hard enough, so why make it harder with a dozen different apps that don't talk to each other? Introducing Odoo. It's the only business software you'll ever need. It's an all-in-one, fully integrated platform that makes your work easier. CRM, accounting, inventory, e-commerce and more. And the best part?

83.193 - 111.578 Noam Hassenfeld

Odoo replaces multiple expensive platforms for a fraction of the cost. That's why over thousands of businesses have made the switch. So why not you? Try Odoo for free at odoo.com. That's O-D-O-O dot com. Support for this show comes from Odoo. Running a business is hard enough, so why make it harder with a dozen different apps that don't talk to each other? Introducing Odoo.

112.059 - 132.606 Noam Hassenfeld

It's the only business software you'll ever need. It's an all-in-one, fully integrated platform that makes your work easier. CRM, accounting, inventory, e-commerce, and more. And the best part? Odoo replaces multiple expensive platforms for a fraction of the cost. That's why over thousands of businesses have made the switch. So why not you?

Chapter 2: Why is Gen Z retreating from dating?

132.626 - 138.679 Noam Hassenfeld

Try Odoo for free at odoo.com. That's O-D-O-O dot com.

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149.425 - 164.24 Sean Illing

This is The Gray Area. I am Sean Illing. My guest today is Christine Emba. She's a writer and a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute. Christine writes about sex, dating, loneliness, gender, religion, social norms, basically all the moral anxieties of modern life.

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164.941 - 180.809 Sean Illing

But really, this is a much broader conversation about why Gen Z is retreating from dating and relationships altogether and how the internet is supercharging all of those trends. I started with the question, Why doesn't Gen Z date anymore?

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181.555 - 209.648 Christine Emba

I hear a couple of things. First, I think, is a general sense of anxiety around interacting with other people. So one of the things that I cited in my New York Times piece was this major survey that came out. It was done by the Institute for Family Studies and the Wheatley Institute at BYU. And they did a nationally representative study of Americans ages 22 to 35.

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210.51 - 241.535 Christine Emba

And then they narrowed that down to people who explicitly said that they were interested in relationships or getting married one day and who are currently not married. And they asked about dating. And the first line of the report is, so dark to me. Their like top line conclusion is that we are in a depressed dating economy, which like makes me depressed just to say, frankly.

241.555 - 266.372 Christine Emba

And then the reasons that people cited for not dating were really just like anxiety-based. First, there was the idea of like money, which speaks to the precariousness. Like dating is expensive. I'm not sure if I have enough money, et cetera, to take people out on dates. But then also like 50% of people

266.858 - 287.285 Christine Emba

talked about having issues with what the survey described as dating efficacy, which really, when they broke it down, meant that they didn't think that they knew how to or were confident enough to approach someone of the opposite sex. They weren't confident that they could read social cues.

288.447 - 313.356 Christine Emba

They weren't confident that they could accept rejection and bounce back if they dated someone and it didn't work out. So because of their anxiety, it's exactly the cycle that you stated. They were just opting out of doing it. And I hear a lot of this anxiety when I've gone to college campuses and talked to young people myself too. There's just this worry about getting it wrong.

314.301 - 323.908 Sean Illing

You mentioned the dating apps. I mean, you would think on the surface That should make dating easier. But again, it's that easiness, right?

Chapter 3: What factors contribute to dating anxiety among Gen Z?

986.186 - 1006.233 Sean Illing

Oh, my gosh. Which or like how many? Let me think. That one and that one and that one. A bunch of public radio stations. A big newspaper that I can think of. Some sub stacks. So many newsletters. I don't know if they're sub stacks, but like I was trying to count the other day because someone asked me and I think it's like six newsletters at least. Dang. Like a lot. How about you?

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1006.294 - 1008.096 Sean Illing

Are you in the newsletter camp, too?

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1008.076 - 1011.731 Sean Rameswaram

All of that, not so much newsletters, a lot of podcasts on Patreon.

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1011.953 - 1012.72 Sean Illing

Heck yeah.

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1013.999 - 1014.8 Sean Rameswaram

Which reminds me.

1014.941 - 1047.047 Sean Illing

Oh, yeah. You were like, yes, anding me. Okay. You, dear listener, can support this show, Today Explained, and in doing so, support Vox, which makes this show possible by going to vox.com slash members. There's benefits. You get to listen to the show without ads. You get little perks. Check it out. And thank you. We're back with a special drop of the gray area and Christine Emba.

1047.167 - 1050.251 Sean Illing

We've been talking about Gen Z dating and relationships.

1051.112 - 1073.74 Christine Emba

I think that people really do desire love and companionship and like to be in community with other people, to be with someone else. But doing that is kind of hard, especially if you didn't necessarily learn the skills or have spent a lot of your time isolated. You know, like going out,

1074.209 - 1104.098 Christine Emba

putting on the right clothes, figuring out how to talk to girls, say, is kind of a slog and you might get rejected a bunch of times and it feels bad. But in the past, you kind of had to do it if you wanted to have sex or experience some kind of sexual relief. But for men, I think especially, first you could kind of not do it and find a bunch of guys to whine about

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