Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Today with David McCullough on RTE Radio 1. Listen back on the RTE Radio Player app.
I'm joined now in studio by parenting expert, Dr. David Coleman. Morning, David. Thanks for coming in to us. You do still have time to get your questions in for David. You can WhatsApp 0870 32 32 32, text 51551 or email today dmc at rte.ie. But lots of questions in already.
this one is about a young child and hand washing right so my little girl is three next month and has recently shown real discomfort and irritability around hand washing specifically drying them if there's any part of her hand that's still any bit wet or damp she gets very upset insists on drying them properly often insisting on getting toilet paper or kitchen roll as well as the hand towel my husband is worried this may be the start of some kind of toddler or general ocd could that be the case
And what should we do?
So it's not necessarily the start of something like OCD, although I think there are, you know, I think any parent when their child shows any kind of either repetitive behaviour or any kind of ritualistic type behaviour or gets stressed or anxious about, you know, kind of common procedures like drying or washing their hands. I think we can start to worry about it. Three is very young.
I mean, it just may be that it's a sensitivity issue. And for whatever reason, maybe her teacher in preschool, if she's in preschool, said, you know, oh, make sure you dry your hands before you come back because some child brought their wet hands out and put them on somebody's painting or, you know, you just wouldn't know. And And this gets in her head.
And so I think it's about just trying to, at her age, because she's only three, just draw a lot of attention away from it. I mean, I wouldn't be overly fussed if she wants a bit of extra kitchen paper to make sure her hands are dry, just give her the bit of kitchen paper, draw very little attention to it.
And I would imagine it's one of those things that will probably pass as she gets a little bit older.
Okay, but just keep an eye on it.
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Chapter 2: What questions do parents have about young children's handwashing habits?
So it's a lot about the co-regulation. It's a lot about us not appearing too fussed about it, not getting overly stressed ourselves about it, trying to maybe distract her every so often from, you know, going through this whole long process of drying her hands, moving her on so that she realizes, oh, I didn't spend 15 minutes drying my hands. Not that she's spending 15 minutes, I'm sure, but...
and that, you know, things were OK. So, yeah, I mean, I think it is, yeah, CBT is the main response to OCD, which is hard with younger kids.
OK, the next question is about a teenager actually struggling to cope with a lot of change. Good morning. We are a divorced family. Our family home is up for sale. Our 18-year-old daughter is extremely upset and finding it hard to cope with her home being sold. She's attending a psychotherapist currently. Any advice?
Well, great that she's attending a psychotherapist if she is that upset. I think the one thing we know about any kind of change is that it typically brings about a level of unpredictability, which in turn then leads to some kind of anxiety or distress or stress. And so that's probably what's going on.
I would imagine there are many other layers for the daughter, though, that the house being sold is probably just the tipping point, or maybe it's just the final underlining of the fact that her parents are now separated, that they're going to be living in separate houses, that this is their family now, you know, separated.
And, you know, some of the phrasing we use, you know, broken families and, you know, all those kinds of things that could all be in her head. And that could be how she's thinking about it. And maybe she feels like, yeah, everything is just nothing is stable or solid for her.
So I think as time passes and as things settle, if they are both in a position that they're going to be able to organise to have new homes for both parents, you know, something stable again, ideally now with the way the rental market has gone, if, you know, at least you could say that if one of them is renting, at least they should hopefully have at least six years in the place if they want to stay in the place.
I think that level of stability makes things easier, but it sounds like it just requires an awful lot of talking with her about the whole context of what's going on. And maybe they've not really had a chance to talk openly with her about the nature of the separation and the impact it's having on her. And yet that sounds like that's what it's all about.
And so good that she has that outside support with the psychotherapist. And even though she's 18, it may be the case that, you know, they could ask their daughter's permission to check in with that psychotherapist if they wanted a little bit of feedback or insight, if their daughter didn't feel able to talk with them directly about what's going on for her and what this means for her.
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Chapter 3: How can parents support a teenager coping with family changes?
Oh, goodness. So I guess, yeah, I mean, perhaps if the nits were very itchy and so that was a habit that they picked up. And then I think it's again about using what they call habit reversal therapy, which is a very fancy way of saying distract them to a new habit. And so what she needs to learn or he needs to learn is that every time he touches his hair, that instead he does something different.
And so, again, that he has something tactile, something that he can use his fingers for, something that might have the same effect. You know, sensual qualities as hair that he can play with instead. And so I can't remember what the little dolls were that, you know, the small dolls with the massive kind of multicolored hair. God, somebody's going to tell me what they were.
Can I remember what they were called? Hopefully somebody's going to put that through to you. Anyway, you'll have somebody texting, but it's even just, you know, maybe the quality of that would do and they could pick at that instead of picking at their own hair, for example.
Because it sounds like it's just a habit that they picked up when they were used to kind of scratching or pulling at the hair to try to, you know, ease the issue. Here I am scratching my own head, which no nit would find any home there. But anyway.
Okay, David Coleman, clinical child psychologist. Thanks so much. Loads more questions. We'll get to those the next time.
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