Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Now I'm joined by parenting expert, Dr. David Coleman. And again, you can keep your questions coming in from on WhatsApp 0870 32 32 32, text 51551 or email today dmc at rte.ie. David, good morning to you.
Good morning to you, David.
We'll be talking about the Leaving Cert in a bit, but this one is about the Junior Cert. We have a 16-year-old doing the Junior Cert, not a bit bothered about studying. We don't know whether to push or not to push. He's very relaxed about it. What should we do?
I'd say that probably counts for half the parents of leaving and juniors or students in the country. It is one of those things that, you know, funny, I put up an Instagram reel about this relatively recently. I mean, I think you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. And so I think all you can do as a parent is try to set the right conditions for your child to be able to study.
And so some of that is about your whole attitude towards education and that they see the value you place in education. But also then that, you know, as a parent, you're trying to make sure that they've got a quiet space that they can study, that it's well lit, that they, you know, it's free from as many distractions as possible.
And that might mean you negotiating with them about, you know, removing their phone for periods of time while they're studying and so on. But then in terms of what they actually do during that time and in that location, you can't dictate it. And so
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Chapter 2: What advice does Dr. Coleman give for managing Junior Cert stress?
I think in many ways, you know, you're better off having a child who is not super stressed about the Leaving Cert or the Junior Cert and that you kind of let them at it.
And certainly with the Junior Cert, I think it is a good experience for young people to go through that so that then when it comes to the Leaving Cert, which maybe has a little bit more pressure attached to it, they'll have some sense of what the whole thing was like.
you will also have some sense about it but you can help them reflect afterwards when they get their results come september whenever those results will come out you can sit down and go look you know what went well what didn't go well if you were to do it differently the next time what would you change um or it may be that you're saying look that that all worked really well but it's that reflective process after the event that i think allows you as a parent to help them prepare for you know the future in terms of you know other exams and so on so
I mean, you know, it probably will feel a lot more pressured if it is the leaving cert, but I guess certainly for the junior cert with a 16-year-old, I'd be very tempted to leave them at it, certainly in a situation like that where they understand that the junior cert is happening, but they're just not that fussed about it themselves.
And, you know, and so see see what the outcome is after and then you can really sit down with them and go, OK, look, you know, we need to really think about this for the next time.
The results might be a wake up call. Certainly would be beneficial. Next one says my sixth class boy has recently started to twitch and nod his head a lot. Is this a sign of stress? Should I be worried?
um well it's not necessarily a sign of stress um and so i mean ticks are things that children can develop and um you know stress i think will exacerbate it it's not certainly necessarily caused by stress um that said i think you know the best way to approach it usually is to just draw their attention to it not in a blaming way or in a critical way but just to let them know that you see this is happening are they aware of it because in many situations
children aren't even aware of these behavioural tics. And so if it's the case that the tic is very obvious to other people, perhaps in school and so on, and it's causing problems in that other people are commenting on it or teasing him or mocking him, then certainly it's something worth addressing. In most situations, the tics will fade away.
And again, if you draw children's attention to them, they may just come to realize, oh, I am actually doing this thing, which has become so habitual for me that I haven't even noticed that I'm doing it. And then they can maybe actively try to do something differently instead of the tics. So it is worth, I suppose, paying enough attention to. I mean, you can certainly go in and chat to
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Chapter 3: How can parents address their child's head twitching and tics?
Underpants, they wear those going to bed. And if they start to wee, the sensor picks it up and alarm goes off.
excuse me they wake up or you wake up as has been the experience of many parents that their child manages to sleep through the alarm but at least the parent is is woken up and so that interrupts the wee and then they can go and finish off in the toilet and so what that's doing is helping to train their alertness to the fact that their body is ready to release urine and that's the key thing i think when it comes to the developmental maturity with with bed wetting
OK, here's one about dealing with teenagers, David. He's in TY year and we feel the lack of routine is an issue and we find his social life is affecting the rest of the family. He's starting to lash out if he doesn't get his own way and feel we all end up walking on eggshells around him and trying to avoid confrontations. Really looking for tips on how to manage parenting a teenager.
That is a difficult situation.
difficult situation i'm i'm interested in the dynamic that developed before he became 16 so the you know my guess is that that kind of um just um what would you say um i don't know well they're calling it tantrums you know when he doesn't get his own way but but that's not something that's just developed because he's a teenager that seems to me to be something that's probably due to a dynamic that is built up in terms of his expectations of
you know what is and isn't okay for him in terms of independence and so on and so the thing that always comes back to me when it comes to teenagers and their behavior is that most teenage behavior is very manageable when the quality of the relationship that we have with them is good and so part of that then comes from them but part of it also significantly comes from us as parents and so we have a responsibility to maintain that relationship positively because the more positive it is the more
we have to influence them. So when we ask them not to do something, they don't do it simply because they don't want to upset us rather than because we have the authority to tell them not to do it. So that might be worth looking at in terms of their general communication beyond the rouse over whether he can or can't do certain things.
Are there other opportunities for them to build relationship with him? Are there any shared interests that they could have with him? Do they get to show a level of understanding about him, where he's at, the kind of things that are influencing him?
And again, you know, the one thing that's hidden, I think, for lots of parents when they see perhaps if it's a significant shift in his behavior over the last year or so is again to think, well, you know, what could he be being influenced by beyond us? So if the home is one environment, you know, school is another and his peers are another environment.
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