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Chapter 1: What are some tips for effective dirty talk?
You know what would make this dinner and this night better? What?
If we left right now and I went down on you. That was really hot. Thank you.
No nuts. The only nut I'll be seeing is... I'm Liana from San Diego, California in the US. This is Frankie.
Hi, I'm Josh. This is Bailey. And this is Watson. We're from Southwest Louisiana in the United States. Hi, I'm Daniel from Adelaide and I approve this podcast.
Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. This is Dr. Author, best-selling Dr. Author, Tony Lodge.
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Chapter 2: How do you handle awkward situations at parties?
My name is Ryan. Normal or nah coming up. Fuck yeah. But first, Ben Yong has sent through something that can really change your day. Some days you're feeling pumped up. Other days you might be feeling flat. This is Ben's hack. Oh. He's in an Uber, right?
Yeah.
And he puts in his AirPods and sort of goes, do you mind if I make a call? And they go, yeah, no, it's all good. Then he pretends he's talking. I wouldn't be able to do that, I don't think. Then he pretends he's talking to his personal assistant about really big business deals that he's like, obviously not doing.
Chapter 3: What’s the significance of the 'kiss of Poseidon'?
Oh.
I know they've offered me $40 million, but they need to get serious. As they know, it cost me $100 million to get me involved. If they're going to keep mucking around, then tell them not to bother. Cool, what's next? The Prime Minister, tell him I can't get to Canberra, but if he wants me to help with the strategy, he can come into our offices. Yep, sounds great. And then...
Oh, can you imagine overhearing that? You'd be like, who the fuck is this?
But then he goes, then you get this little look in the mirror. And like, because the driver kind of looks up and you're like, yeah, he knows.
Big biz, dog.
Yeah. And that's his like self little pump up.
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Chapter 4: How do you navigate neighborly relationships?
And he's like, then I feel like a million dollars because I just kind of pretended like I was for a little bit.
Do you think that that is like the underwear thing? You know how we're talking about the slutty lingerie?
It's the slutty lingerie. It's the fun sunglasses.
I know. And you know what? I woke up this morning and went, oh, old glasses. Isn't that sickening?
Not in a hot way. Of all those beautiful choices that you had.
I just feel, like, nervous to break the seal of them.
Because once you crack, you can't go back. Yes. Can you put your imaginary AirPods in and tell me, like, pretend I'm driving the Uber?
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Chapter 5: What are the dos and don'ts of party etiquette?
I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can.
You got it.
Hey, mate, I'm so sorry. Do you mind if I just make a quick call? Oh, yeah, of course. Okay, thank you. Hi. Yeah, I saw that they emailed again. Well, I just think it's crazy that Beyonce keeps calling when I am saying no. Who's her manager again? Is it the same manager as Madonna? I don't know. I've gone down a music route. It's Lady Gaga or nothing.
Chapter 6: How can you make a party more enjoyable for everyone?
No, I've got Stephanie on the other line. Let me just quickly talk to Stephanie. Hi, Steph. No, I know, Beyonce in the group chat. I know, it's disgusting. I know. And Kamala Harris? Crazy. I don't know. Lady Gaga, I'm so sorry. I'm going to have to call you back because I'm just really struggling in an improv challenge right now.
See ya.
Yours was amazing with the prime minister and the strategy.
No, I like yours though. I also think another angle would be like famous people trying to fuck you.
Chapter 7: What’s the best way to approach invites to social events?
And then I was like Jason Statham. I'm married. Like that. No, see, mine's too obvious.
Of all the people in the world.
I know.
Jason Statham.
No, I'm sorry. The Rock. Do you think that people call him... I think they call him Rob. My problem is that the name drop isn't casual enough. Like, because you were doing the... Tell, like, my assistant, the Prime Minister is not a priority for me. Whereas I went, hi, Lady Gaga. Like, that's not... Yeah.
Well, you got... Hey.
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Chapter 8: How do you maintain confidence in social situations?
I'll practice.
I'll ask Charles to drive me home today and I'll practice it with him.
Lots of people have sent in their normal or nars. There's a thread in our Facebook group or you can submit your stories at tonyandryan.com.au. This is from Guy. Hi, Guy. Putting toilet paper in the toilet bowl before you go to muffle the noise and avoid the kiss of Poseidon. Normal. Normal. I do it a lot. Silences the splash, protects the situation. Why is he here?
The comeback is greater than the setback.
What does the kiss of Poseidon mean? It's so funny, but I don't understand it.
I think, given the context, I've never heard it before either, but I'm thinking that it's when the poo splashes and the water hits your bum. So it's just like a little bit of water like... Because you know when that... But... It's like if you do a solid poo, are most of yours runny?
No.
Oh. I just always think you've got the runs.
No, I'm always running to the toilet.
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