Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Well, hello and welcome to Crappy Hour, August 25th, 1975, the day of my birth. I've just come out of my mother. And I've seen my first real housewife smoking a cigarette, drinking a bottle of, or drinking out of a box of Franzi in a hospital and saying, you, I was going to call you Rhonda, but you've got a wiener. So I'm adding an L to the end. Welcome to the world. Hello, everybody.
I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Ronnie, hi. Happy birthday. Happy big 5-0. This is so exciting. I'm celebrating on my side of the screen. Birthday balloons on your screen. Thank you, Ben. I'm celebrating. We love you. Thank you, everybody, so much for being here and in the comments and reading your comments. Thank you, guys. Thanks so much for being here. Wow, this is 50.
What a crazy time. It was just like yesterday, except I'm older. God bless it. But I'm just going to keep getting little pieces of skin chopped off for the rest of my life once a month. So we'll see. We'll see where that goes. Oh, and last night I watched The Substance to celebrate. Oh, you did. How was that? Yeah.
Well, it really gives a new meaning to like there's a thin person in me just dying to get out. You know, my God, that movie was disgusting. Oh, my God. But hilarious, too, right? Yeah, it was really good. It was pretty good. But I was very I was like, if you look like Demi Moore and you're really that upset, we're all screwed. Like Demi Moore even looked amazing in that movie.
I was like, it's not like they made her ugly or fat or anything. She's just like, I'm Demi Moore, but I want to be younger and prettier. And I was like, girl, then the rest of us are just like, let's just the rest of us. Let's just all commit mass suicide because what the hell?
Yes, but like when late in the movie Demi Moore looks a certain sort of way and she puts on her little earrings, that was to me my favorite thing I saw in the past year. Her putting those little like, it was like little eyelashes or something on when she's in a state of disarray.
one of her transformative moments honestly like when i saw that i was like ronnie has to see this movie it was really just about that scene i just wanted you to see that scene of her getting ready and glamming up that was like i just died i was like this movie is so crazy i can't believe they're doing this i think it's the perfect thing to watch on your last night of your 40s
Yeah, because you know me, I want to get everything done. And I mean, ever since Miami this season started airing, I've wanted to get my knees done. I've never even thought about knees being wrinkly. I feel like Bravo just gives me these things that I want to go under the knife for, you know. Yeah, that's it is funny that Bravo is creating some sort of knee anxiety, anxiety.
Well, I mean, now that you're 50, you now have to list 50 things that you've learned for the rest of the episode. And we're all waiting. Oh, God, let's just start with 50 pieces of gossip from Bravo. We all know I learned nothing. We know I learned nothing. That's that's the joy of being 50. You can finally admit I learned nothing and I'm never going to learn nothing. And I'm fine with it.
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Chapter 2: What is the significance of Demi Moore's portrayal in 'The Substance'?
But that being said, it's like, no, because he's like, do see him. I'm sorry. I watched the first episode of it to decide that I hated it. And he started crying about how traumatic it was.
his like love is so traumatic and it's not any less traumatic for him just because he's a model and i was like off like i'm not gonna sit here and listen to the prettiest man in the world cry because you think it doesn't make it easier but it does sir it does and i don't wanna i'm not gonna sit here and listen to you cry about it
The hard part I had was Holly Robinson and her husband, Rodney, hosting. I don't know if they also do Queens Court, but they're like this weird piano lounge act on the side of the show. They're sitting at the end of the table like, looks like you guys had some dates. Why don't you tell us about it? I feel like they're going to break into song any moment.
They're acting so strange on this dating show. But... Yeah. No, it just wasn't, it just wasn't a very good show. I was sort of in it in the beginning, but then when they went on their separate dates and went skydiving and painting, I was like, this just kind of feels like scripted crap.
And I know that I know everything's scripted, but if I, if I can really see it and sense it, you know, it's just not going to really be for me. Fortunately. Yeah. So I think that's why we feel more barren in the landscape, because we've got that that we're not really watching and then McBee, which we're watching. But it doesn't feel like a very Bravo type show, you know.
So but we do have two housewives on at one time and we've got a pretty solid below deck season. I know some people hate it because it's like new and datey and all of that. But. I mean, I like it. I even like the Instagram wall since we've argued about. So I'm fine. I think Bravo is giving us the best and the worst these days.
I think that Orange County and Miami are like excellent and they're doing great, great, great work. And I think that Below Deck is I'm not really enjoying this season. I'm not going to lie. And, you know, my feelings on McBee are, you know, that I'm happy for you, Ronnie.
so the point is it's you know it is a little bit like up and down but i'm excited salt lake city is around the corner and i'm sure there's gonna be like a million other shows that they're about to drop i'm sure um mediterranean's gotta be coming out soon they just they they there there can't be much time left on below deck and uh yeah there's gotta be shows there's gotta be shows three boots coming up i think in the fall
Yeah, we've got plenty coming. So it's all good. And, you know, we should always be grateful for what we have. We've got a good season of Miami, a really good season of OC. So you know what? Thank you, Lord. That's what I'm saying today. Thank you, Jesus, for everything that you've given us. Okay. So now let's move into some gossy goss from the Bravo.
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Chapter 3: What are the recent accusations against Jax Taylor?
We're all like, well, he's, pun not intended, but like we knew the moment when he was interviewing people last season, like he's sleeping with these people. He's gonna sleep with these women. And that's exactly what he did. And apparently what he did was, He would text them all and be really flirtatious.
And he would send the messages that was like, I'm not supposed to be talking to the staff because it's like a violation. But you're like, I feel this connection or whatever. Like, you're the only one I want. Like, I feel like. it's worth breaking the rules for. He kept on making them feel special, like they were the only one he was texting.
Chapter 4: Why are the hosts skeptical about the Real Housewives of London?
Like he was breaking the rules, putting his job in jeopardy for this person. And they would, he'd give out numbers, that way they wouldn't talk on socials and he would be like really vulgar and whatever. And so he would just sort of like, they just, and some of the women say like, didn't really know what to do because he's the boss.
And some of them were like, well, I resisted at first, I was hesitant, but then he made me feel so like, you know, feel certain sort of things.
and so he but apparently he was saying this all of them so every time he was like you're the one you're the like you know i'm i i'm i'm willing to break the rules for you he was saying that to all of the women at the place according to this article and he was which is like so manipulative and of course the big thing is that of course he did not use protection but he would buy them all plan b or offer to buy them all oh that
It's great. I mean, you know, the article's going to be good because the byline, not the byline. That's who wrote who wrote it. Right. The headline number two or whatever. Like there's a headline that I read. And then the second headline is multiple women claimed he would not wear protection, but always offered to buy Plan B. I mean, that is a thoughtful guy. It's a very thoughtful guy.
No, really. It truly is. And apparently he. It'd be going well. And then all of a sudden he would like turn on them and get like really like nasty and mean and get paranoid and be like, you're the problem.
You know, all the stuff that we would see him do on TV is basically doing sort of really much more aggressively and more disgustingly even to these women, according to the source that the spoke who spoke to the son. Yeah, he's disgusting. So congrats, Danny, because you know what? He tried that shit with Danny in the end of Vanderpump Rules, or not Vanderpump Rules, The Valley.
And so Danny outed him for this. And then the next week, Jax was fired from that restaurant. They closed it.
so yep you know the ultimate revenge um but yeah what a piece of crap but also just like a general public announcement don't work for jacks and also don't jacks like seriously i can't believe in 2025 it's like telling people not to eat those little um bags of silica that come in things that have been delivered to your house You need to be told not to eat that. You're going to die.
You're going to die if you eat the pack of silica, okay? We shouldn't have to be telling people in 2025 not to fuck Jax Taylor. There's like over a decade of evidence. Like, come on, man. I think the rule of thumb should be that if you're being manipulated by Jax, it can be very hard to see the logic. You start to say, oh, well, actually, he's really nice. He's very sweet.
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Chapter 5: How is the current Bravo landscape affecting viewer engagement?
He'd be pulled over. And then literally the next week, there were all these pictures of stupid Jacks rolling down Ventura on his stupid golf cart.
and no one doing shit to him okay this is la you're you can get away you'd be surprised before you can get away with here that little a-hole jacks yeah the next stop for her i guarantee i guarantee we're going to see him pop up again in the manosphere and he's going to be actually more repulsive than ever and he's going to start doing annoying things he's going to start doing like lots of crossfit
or there's this new thing, what's it called, like Hydrox or Hybrox or something. He's going to do that. He'll be like in shape, but he'll be kind of like annoyingly right-wingy, and it'll just be just the worst. Yeah, he'll make a turn. He'll take a turn. But hopefully he won't be in the...
you know the zeitgeist for that long just get rid of him i don't even want to hear about him and i know i'm promoting it by talking about him but i mean come on we had to talk about this one because yeah it's good it's typical jackson it's just something we all saw coming for a long time so we were all right yay it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial okay what do you want to talk about ben ben pick one
um okay by the way i'm sorry my labeling is so bad today on these stories i was doing it in bed and um i copied i figured the um links were descriptive enough because now links are so like page six society upper east siders mortified by sober neighbors who took over sonia morgan's townhouse they're not going for brevity in the links you know
yeah you know what you shouldn't even apologize because really i should apologize because it's your birthday and you shouldn't even have to have done any of this you shouldn't have to work on your birthday except for this very moment so that's my i should you know i love reading i'd love sitting in bed copying and pasting i know you do you do definitely one of the times i was like i get to say this is my work there is no complaint at all yeah but
I'm going to go right to the next thing that's on this list here because I thought this was funny, this link that you put up. And then I had simultaneously seen this other link that goes right with it right when I read this one. So it's about Stephanie. This is just a stupid story. But this is ā so Stephanie's stylist is ā
It's clapping back at the haters because haters are going to hate, okay? So the stylist, someone somewhere on social media said something like, nothing about Stephanie's personal style clicks in place for me. If it's not the bangles, it's the bun. If it's not the bun, it's the makeup. If it's not the makeup, it's the clothes.
of this dress if it's not the code the dress the dress itself and then the bangles and then the bun and then the makeup and then the color of the dress and then this dress her personality but whoever wrote this please write a musical because you are the next steven sondheim i'm telling you this right now the the the rhythmic nature of this beautiful comment is so perfect um her personality isn't much better either although it's nice to see a woman unafraid to wield her private jet like a weapon it's her only good accessory so someone wrote that
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Chapter 6: How has Sonjarita's home transformed into a sober living facility?
Get your lies straight. But this week or last week when they had her confessional and she's like, okay, so should I say what really happened or what I'm supposed to be saying? Or like, which do you guys want right now? Am I supposed to say the truth or do you want me to keep lying? Should I go with this lie or that lie? Which one do you guys want? And they're like, okay, tell us the truth.
Yeah, exactly. Emily says, kudos to Katie considering this is her second season and she's already got the monotone lies down. That's exactly right. Monotone lies down. I'm really excited for this episode of next episode of Orange County. But anyway, let's go on to some more headlines. Well, let's get this one. I'm going to do another OC because we brought up Katie.
You want to talk about the art of lying and how to get it down, Pat? There's no one better to ask than Slade Smiley, ladies and gentlemen. This is from the famous French magazine that we're all subscribed to ever since the 80s. We all deployable. And Real Housewives Slade Smiley reveals what he told Katie's husband, Matt, during the call as Gretchen Rossi blasts Katie over lies.
This was written by Barnell Anderson. Hey, Barney. So there's quite a bit going on with the Real Housewives of Orange County. Blah, blah, blah. As fans know, Katie and Gretchen were on good terms. Blah, blah, blah. Gretchen was on the recent episode of Juicy Scoop with Heather McFucking Donald. What about that? Glad to see Heather doing well over there. Hey, Heather, we're proud of you.
Keep on keeping on. Look at you. Where she discussed her issues with Katie. She said, we're in New Orleans, and Katie is swearing that she did not tell Kiki this fake story. And she's like, I swear I did not tell Kiki this story. And she's like adamant. Where's the Slade quote? Can we just get to the Slade quote? We know what Gretchen's going to say. Now they brought up naked wasted.
Gretchen said, by the way, I'm not trying to protect Tamara from anything. So then Katie and now Matt are doubling down. And Matt is now claiming that Slade called him in New Orleans and said, protect Gretchen, hold the line. She was very disappointed in Matt, and he was just saying, don't speak to bloggers or media. That's all it was.
Slade himself says he was asked if it was true that Katie had been calling bloggers, and he denied that it was true. True. Slade added that he told Matt Janela, well, well, neighbor, I don't want to hear a month from now that she actually did it because locally, locally, that's been her track record where she denies, denies, denies. And then all of a sudden she flips and there is an admission.
And that's exactly what happened. Now she's changing her story after denying it on camera. Not to say she won't be welcome at my house for pudding anytime soon, because she's a neighbor, and that's how we do neighbors. Hoodly doodly snoodly doodly, slave smiling. Commercials, here comes one right now.
I just don't, what I don't, it's like Gretchen being on camera telling Tamara, yeah, well I got, I was really, really drunk. And the next day I went to the hospital cause I was so sick. And then telling us I never went to the hospital. That to me is,
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