Chapter 1: How does Tracee Ellis Ross define joy in challenging times?
Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. One of the themes of the pod lately and our work always, I think, has been how do we stay engaged and active in the world and how do we do that while holding fast to our joy? I've been thinking about that a lot lately as I approach my 50th birthday. I've been thinking about what I want for this next decade, that I want to be engaged.
I want to be part of world changing, but I do not want to be part of hustle culture. I just want freedom and joy and depth and connection. And every time I think about those things in particular, I think about Tracee Ellis Ross. I have this one image of Tracy that's like branded into my brain and it was her at her 50th birthday party, which was incredible. She threw it for herself.
She was surrounded by her biological family, her chosen family, all of these people who love her and have been loved by her. And when she stood up in front of us in her mother's beautiful dress, she grabbed a microphone and she's saying, I'm 50 and I'm free while she was just surrounded by these people that you know if you –
have listened to her speak on our pod, the people that she calls her cauldron people, because she has this idea that we were all mixed in a specific batch of the cauldron. And then we're spilled out into the world and our job is to find the people who are made of the same stuff that was in the cauldron when we were mixed. And when we find them, we just kind of recognize them and say, oh,
You're my cauldron person. So as we navigate this incredibly difficult time, we need these lighthouses who show us how to show up and also how to stay whole while we show up. And Tracy's one of them. Let's go. Hi, Tracee Ellis Ross. You all welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.
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Chapter 2: What does Tracee mean by being 'Fifty and Free'?
I'm going to really rush through the intro because today we have one of my favorite people. Is that not true? It is very true. On this entire planet. Tracee Ellis Ross is an award-winning actress and producer best known for her roles in ABC's award-winning comedy series, Black-ish and Girlfriends, for her role as Rainbow Johnson in Black-ish as a comedic leading actress.
Ross won the Golden Globe Award in 2017, as well as nine NAACP Image Awards. She was nominated for five Emmys and two Critics' Choice Awards. Ross is the CEO and founder of Pattern. a hair care brand for the curly, coily, and tight textured masses.
Ross recently executive produced and narrates Hulu's The Hair Tales, amazing, a docu-series about black women, beauty, and identity through the distinctive lens of black hair. Upcoming, Ross will be producing a 10-episode podcast, I Am America, which aims to break through the noise during this divided time in our country. Did you know this? I did not. I'm so proud of that.
I can't wait to share that. I can't wait. Yeah, I honestly can't wait for you to hear it. Oh my God. Yeah. It's so funny, Lizzie.
Chapter 3: How can we find our 'cauldron people'?
You know what's funny about it? It's funny to listen to a friend read your stuff. Because it has nothing to do with our connection. And so it's funny. It was like at my birthday when my friends had the microphone, I was so tickled. That's what we want to talk about.
First of all, we decided we're going to do this interview differently than we ever do interviews because we don't want it to be like a this is your life thing. Because what I told my sister and Abby is that... I just thought of this category of person, but you are my, I'll have what she's having person.
When you look at someone and you're with them and you spend time with them and you see who they are in the world and you're just like, I will have what she's having. Yeah. And I just truly find you to be one of the most unique and wise and magnificent women I know. Oh my God, how kind. Well, most people are like one thing or another thing. You just kind of like pick something and go with it.
But you are so raw and real and also glamorous. Yes. You're so powerful and poised, but also very transparent and tender. It's just all the things at once. And so now I get to have you for an hour and do what I've always wanted to do, which is I need you to tell me everything you know.
Chapter 4: What tools does Tracee use to combat self-doubt?
Okay? Okay. And you're stuck. We kind of did that in my old house. I know. I know. I'm so happy to meet you as well. It's like crazy. Your voice is like a part of my world. I haven't like had time with you. Yeah. So it's lovely to meet you. This is fun. It is fun. First of all, what you just said about me, it's so interesting.
to have mirrored back a version of yourself that is actually the version you want to be you know and to get to a place in an age where it's happened there's a couple of different times in my life and I go oh okay like despite what it feels like sometimes in this dangerous neighborhood that is my mind sometimes it's a great place and sometimes like don't go in there alone um
And despite sort of some of that inner dialogue and that really bad story that happens in my head, every once in a while, I catch glimpses of the way I'm actually presenting out in the world. And it's a nice moment of validation and encouragement of like, okay, you're doing okay. You're moving in the right direction. I think so, Tracy.
Chapter 5: Why does Tracee reject the idea that women exist to be chosen?
You are. If you're not, we're all fucked. If you're not... We're going to stop trying. So can you explain to my sister and because I've already talked to Abby about this ad nauseum, but what you talked to me about cauldron sisters. Yeah. Talk to me about what the cauldron is. I have this theory that souls are made in bunches.
And I don't know, Mother Nature, someone, somewhere, some beautiful gathering of people. They have these big cauldrons that they make people in, that they make souls in. And it's souls, honestly, not people. And, you know, they're like, okay, what's this? This one's going to have, I don't know, a little bit of... a little bit of heartbreak, but like a lot of joy. I don't know.
And these are going to be people who have really open hearts and whatever. And then they go, when they're cooked, when the little veggies are cooked in there, the souls, they like sprinkle them out through time.
And some of them are like, you know, they were back in 1816 and one goes in a dog and one goes in a lizard and one goes in a Abby and one goes in a Glennon and one goes in an Amanda and they're like all over the place. And then you don't know when or how or what's going to bring you to another cauldron. fellow, sister or whatever, whomever.
Chapter 6: How does Tracee describe her relationship with her body and aging?
But you meet someone and you're like, oh, we're from the same soup. Oh my God, this is exactly correct. Right? Like it's one of those things where you're just like, I don't know what it is. Like, why do I feel like I've known you forever? It's like, oh, we have the same map. We have the same ingredients.
And although the time period we're from or the town we're from or whatever, like there was nothing that you would think would make our lives match. Somehow we come from the same ingredients. Yes. Do you know what those things are? That's interesting.
I really find that I am from the same soup of people who, because I say this, there's some people where there's a lot of matches on the external things. And then there's the people that it's just like the inner roadmap is just similar. The things that soothe and comfort and the willingness to have the inside conversation. on the outside, the deep conversation, the transparency.
And the thing that's interesting is sometimes, like, I mean, you know, we don't see each other all the time, but I've called you in tangly moments and I've run into you on planes. And somehow there's a connection that is beyond the circumstances of our life. And so maybe the people from my cauldron, Also, I do think back in the day, I would have been certainly burned at the stake.
Chapter 7: What insights does Tracee share about the power of friendship?
Totally. Definitely a witchy lady. I know. I kind of think our cauldron is literal. I think it's a literal. It might be. Yeah. It really might be. We might actually be out of a steaming cauldron. Yeah. Oh, I love it so much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I always say that when you hear those old stories about the women that were burned at the stake because of their beliefs and beliefs.
and their feelings and their instincts and their intuition and their deep soul calling. I read their description and I'm like, huh, that sounds like a really great lady. Yes. Every damn time.
Chapter 8: How does Tracee view the intersection of femininity and creativity?
Yeah. I'm like, hmm, that sounds like someone I would really want to be friends with. Yeah. Every time you hear of a witch, you think, cauldron sister. I think that's my sis. Speaking of, so Abby and I were Freaking lucky enough to be at your recent 50th birthday celebration of life. It was so freaking beautiful. Yes. It was a cauldron of your people. It was.
And I really appreciate you guys coming out of the house because I know for me and for you, that's not an easy thing. Well, I would do anything for love, Tracy. I literally, I'm one of those people that I'm like, yeah, I would love to go, but do I really want to leave the house? Yeah. I'm always thinking, oh, I wish I wanted to go. Oh, that's the best. That's exactly right. That's exactly right.
So I have to tell you, we were there for maybe 10 minutes when maybe six people had come up to us and introduced themselves to us as your best friend. Yep. Okay. I just started. Now that's what I do. I do interviews. I just say I'm Glennon Doyle. I'm Tracee Ellis Ross's best friend. But it was amazing how many people were so... You're just beloved to people.
One woman told us that you were the only person who was in her delivery room delivering her twins. And she told us this next to her husband. I kept thinking, oh. He was on a business trip. Oh, that's right. Yeah, she was on hospital rest with her twins. She had to be in the hospital hooked up to things.
And he happened to go like for a 24 hour, like he literally had to go somewhere for a work trip. And so I was on call and I got the call and I was right there. And then I switched off. And then when he arrived, but I was the first one to hold them, Philly and Clover. And it was really magical.
I have to say the doctor actually said, cause you know, they put the little curtain up and the doctor was like, you can actually sit down. You don't have to watch. I was like, no, I'm fine. actually can you scoot over a little bit yeah you're blocking my view i'm so sorry It was amazing. You have described yourself as a barnacle on your good friend's lives.
I just love that image so much that you insist upon and allow yourself to be a barnacle. Talk to us about that. Yeah, you know, there's a really interesting thing. I am single. I have been single. I've been single for a very long time. I've had many wonderful ins and outs of things, but no one stuck to the pan. And as a result... I get to curate my family, my chosen family around me.
And I don't think I realized the gift of that until I've started to get older. But my friend Samira, she's the one that coined that barnacle phrase. She did a toast. She did that beautiful toast. She did the toast, yeah. So Samira, I met when I was 22 at Mirabelle Magazine when I went to work as an intern in the fashion department there. And she was also an intern there.
She is now the editor-in-chief of Harper's Bazaar. What? Yeah. We've been through all these journeys together.
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