We Will NOT Play DnD
Episodes
Chosen Ones, Part 4
31 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
If Bingle were clever, he'd be quite difficult to find after an escape in a ray of light. Fortuantely, he's twelve, and would get lost if he didn't fo...
Chosen Ones, Part 3
17 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Bingle has been captured, but he isn't happy about it and it's a long walk back to the Dark Nation capitol. Just about anything could go wrong, and ou...
Chosen Ones, Part 2
30 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The party finds themselves in a small frontier town where the Light Nation boy was supposedly seen, but before they can capture him, first they have t...
Chosen Ones, Part 1
10 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In a world of elemental powers, our heroes stand above the rest in the mercenary business, due to good marketing if nothing else. The Emperor of the D...
Small Time Champion, Part 7
30 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
It's the final challenge! But the whole game seems rigged, and the whole event has been so stressful and off the wall that not everybody involved stil...
Small Time Champion, Part 6
22 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Champions aren't just fast and neurotic! They're also supposed to have a lot of neurons, or possibly faster neurons, or maybe well-connected ones. The...
Small Time Champion, Part 5
05 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Champions aren't just fast and neurotic! They're also supposed to have a lot of neurons, or possibly faster neurons, or maybe well-connected ones. The...
Small Time Champion, Part 4
28 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
There are a lot of different aspects to balance, and when your god represents precarious balance, the whole act of currying your gods favor is natural...
Small Time Champion, Part 3
25 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The first challenge of the show is an apartment fire! Our heroes have a chaotic and non-cooperative technique at best, but with a little dumb luck vic...
Small Time Champion, Part 2
15 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Even singing up for event times can be a sort of challenge when you've got the right sort of team. At least the catering is free and the breakfast is ...
Small Time Champion, Part 1
31 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
There's a god for every occasion, and for every god, a champion blessed with that god's powers, however minor. Getting noticed in this kind of ecosyst...
Not DnD, Part 7
29 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
There's been a murder, but who done it? The group has only minutes to identify the culprit, but evidence is shaky at best, and from some points of vie...
Not DnD, Part 6
17 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The crew meets Mayson's wife, and she's not terribly excited to see them. Seeing your estranged husband after two years of running off to be a monk is...
Not DnD, Part 5
03 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Mayson raises the question of his wife with Elvis, and the crew decides that the effort is a worthy "side quest". The only hitch is how to do it and h...
Not DnD, Part 4
10 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
After arriving in East Turkanislockistav, Mayson realizes that before they do anything, they need independent information, and Lawry learns that his a...
Not DnD, Part 3
20 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Max leads the crew through the woods and to a temporary location, but Mayson doesn't have a lot of good reason to trust Max's intentions. Additionally...
Not DnD, Part 2
06 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
It was all a skeleton plot! A mysterious man named Max pulls aside the curtain and reveals our heroes have been duped about their adventure from the s...
Charlie Chanclas Chocolate Factory, Part 5
17 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Trapped and interrogated, the party has no choice but to cooperate with Chanclas himself, and they're given one final tour. However, they won't go out...
Charlie Chanclas Chocolate Factory, Part 4
06 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
After a few twists and turns, the party winds up in the innards of the factory, and it spells bad news for all those who dwell there. There are a cert...
Charlie Chanclas Chocolate Factory, Part 3
24 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Only a certain amount of whimsy and magic can hide the horrific necessities of industrial demand. Charlie Chanclas knows that when you have a goose th...
Charlie Chanclas Chocolate Factory, Part 2
11 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The simplest way to deter would-be intruders to a magical candy factory is with a guard dog, but in this case a few of the fundamental rules of deterr...
Charlie Chanclas Chocolate Factory, Part 1
30 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Somewhere in the world, there's a mysterious candy factory making sweets that mystify scientists and baffle engineers. Corporate leaders would kill to...
The Mistaken Krampus, Part 8
24 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
It's the final challenge, and there's no way Paul can get out of it by proving he's a better person than the Krampus gave him credit for. All is not l...
The Mistaken Krampus, Part 7
07 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Paul is put on an official trial for his actions in the island game, but with the Krampus Jr as the jury and the Krampus himself as both judge and exe...
The Mistaken Krampus, Part 6
30 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
With Hitler taking over the island and Paul not the most controlling type, the fate of everyone there is clearly not sunny. Dahmer is naturally not th...
The Mistaken Krampus, Part 5
23 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The Krampus has his own game to play, but this one involves a certain level more realism, while also abstracting everything into carved stone figurine...
The Mistaken Krampus, Part 4
05 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The Krampus Jr decides to mash together the spirit of "tag" and "Candy Land" into a real life, cross-country chase. Unfortunately, Paul isn't much of ...
The Mistaken Krampus, Part 3
29 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Facing another moral trial, Paul is forced to use Mr. Sprinklewinker's business assets to meet the terms of the test, but quickly finds he can't breac...
The Mistaken Krampus, Part 2
19 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The Krampus's son is all too excited to subject Paul to a test of his character. However, it turns out having Hitler on your team is incredibly distra...
The Mistaken Krampus, Part 1
13 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The Krampus comes to collect the wicked and punish them for their misdeeds, but this mythical creature has been at it for a while, and his work has go...
Your Favorite Toys, Part 5
05 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The burglar attempts to resort to his own trap, if not to catch our heroes in the act, then to at least confirm they're creatures in the house and not...
Your Favorite Toys, Part 4
29 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
One rule of saving the day is that you wouldn't have an adventure if someone else would save it for you. If that were the case, the story wouldn't be ...
Your Favorite Toys, Part 3
17 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Kevin has been rescued, and little Eric has been left home alone to enjoy his new toy-based friend, but then disaster strikes - an intruder breaks int...
Your Favorite Toys, Part 2
01 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The group sets out in the night to find their lost friend, Kevin, but there are many hazards around the house. The cat, mom, and of course Eric's heal...
Your Favorite Toys, Part 1
19 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this week's game, the players are very stupid toys with one, overriding purpose: to bring happiness to the child that owns them. The larger problem...
Glam Rock, Part 9
10 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
With encouragement from Sasha, Mayson decides to hold a colony vote to instruct him on how to cast his own vote as band leader. It's all technically o...
Glam Rock, Part 8
30 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Mayson struggles to figure out his strategy now that he's floundering politically. He's isolated, but not exactly alone, and the nice thing about poli...
Glam Rock, Part 7
21 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The band now divorced, Lawry and Elvis have to strike out on their own, or make new friends. Unfortunately, new friends can sometimes take a little bi...
Glam Rock, Part 6
30 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Glam Rock enters a dangerous power struggle three ways between the colony's bands. The system is based largely around the opinions of the band leaders...
Glam Rock, Part 4
26 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Pieces are falling into place grudually. Mayson strikes a deal with Padre and feels out the opinions of his lady friends, while Lawry and Elvis deal w...
Glam Rock, Part 3
18 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Mayson decides to turn to spy stuff to coordinate a dissent campaign with Padre Rockero and use his resistance to voice his own, but there's a bit of ...
Glam Rock, Part 2
11 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The prospects of mining enough minerals to satisfy the Singer's tithe looks grim, and Mayson immediately gives up on the plan after hearing it. The tr...
Glam Rock, Part 1
26 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Paul decides to run a game with a premise that's a lot more technically challenging than the group's usual smash and grab adventures. It requires moti...
Pinball City, Part 6
19 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Literally down in the dumps, it feels like there's nowhere else to go, but then Elvis learns a small detail that compels the group to go even lower.
Pinball City, Part 5
06 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
With a body on their hands and the town guard reviving the dead to question them, the team needs to take a few extra steps to cover their tracks, and ...
Pinball City, Part 4
29 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The team gets a luck break when they find, essentially, a dumpster full of magic! It's the kind of discovery only a very select group of people with E...
Pinball City, Part 3
14 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Smelling Tony's offer as a trap, Elvis turns it down with force, and the party has no choice but to find some other means of living in the extravagant...
Pinball City, Part 2
31 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Trapped in ridiculous debt, the party has to figure out some way out of Pinball City. Unfortunately, there's a certain level of meta roadblock making ...
Pinball City, Part 1
24 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Elvis asks the guys if they'd be willing to sit in with a new GM, but he's not totally forthcoming about the level of difficult history in the ongoing...
Escape the Flavor Zone, Part 8
12 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
With Mack hot on their heels, the party manages to leave the Flavor Zone, but now they have the final hurdle of Guy Inferno in front of them.
Escape the Flavor Zone, Part 7
03 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Now with no other choice, the party must confront Mack, but the group has a scheme to set the destruction of the Flavor Zone in motion while Mack is d...
Escape the Flavor Zone, Part 6
12 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
At nearly the final step of the journey, the party would be required to face the formidable Snack Attack Mack in order to rescue Paul's remaining line...
Escape the Flavor Zone, Part 5
31 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The team stumbles across Spalding by pure chance, and has the opportunity to demand an explanation for why he gave up on the escape. Afterward, it's t...
Escape the Flavor Zone, Part 4
22 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
If it's not one horrible world, it's another. The group manages to get back to their own bodies, but are faces with the bizarre and eccentric whims of...
Escape the Flavor Zone, Part 3
15 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Striking out on their own, it seems Crouton has thrown a few obstacles in the way of Paul's plans, and the dreaded Pimienta Fantasma is as serious as ...
Escape the Flavor Zone, Part 2
01 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The group goes to meet King Crouton to carry out the escape plans, but as these things often do, everything goes awry. The party is stabbed in the bac...
Escape the Flavor Zone, Part 1
24 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
There's good food, and bad food, good chefs and bad chefs. Sometimes a very bad, bad chef makes good food and puts it to the worst possible uses. This...
Big Bingo Bone Heist, Part 2
23 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
One of the simplest disguises is to behave like a high class individual. Everyone knows how to play the part! Just dress nice and act important, and t...
Big Bingo Bone Heist, Part 1
13 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Elvis runs this night's game, and it's a heist. A magic heist, wherein the man planning the whole thing dies before getting a useful word out, and the...
Vampire Charade, Part 6
06 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The thing about evil secret conspiracies is that they always goes straight to the top! Rather aburptly, in this case.
Vampire Charade, Part 5
30 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Making the right friends is an important part of moving up in the vampire world. It turns out they all gravitate towards evil and scheming, which is k...
Vampire Charade, Part 4
23 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In the world of vampires, the big fish eat the little fish, and you can't throw a stone among important people without hitting someone who has a slew ...
Vampire Charade, Part 3
16 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The group goes to see Lawr's business contact, and he's willing to help in exchange for a small favor.
Vampire Charade, Part 2
09 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It's time to do what a vampire with mine powers does best and infiltritate somebody's place of business! And while invisibility is nice, the whole gim...
Vampire Charade, Part 1
02 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Paul and Elvis are a pair of sewer-dwelling vampires who moonlight as vtubers. Lawry is a high-powered manager at a private equity firm. Their lives t...
Everybody's Neville, Part 5
25 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
A fight! Paperwork? Trees. The trials can be anything, but even greater than the struggle of seeing a professor is the effort to get them to do what y...
Everybody's Neville, Part 4
18 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The Trial of Office Hours is the gateway between the students and their teachers, and ensures that only those students who don't need basic help can r...
Everybody's Neville, Part 3
11 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Where Tumbledry's education can be madcap and unpredictable, there is a counter-balance at Dorptoads, and Professor Fickletick is patient and methodic...
Everybody's Neville, Part 2
04 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
There are not many teachers at Dorptoads, and they get to make their own lesson plans, to a certain extent. As a result, classes tend to be a bit non-...
Everybody's Neville, Part 1
27 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It's the party's first year at Dorptoad's School for Gods Among Mortals! And what a wonderful, magical, exciting time it is. There's chocolate creatur...
Ship Wrong, Part 6
21 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The crew is growing antsy and looking for explanations, and above that scapegoats. The time has come to draw some lines in the sand, figure out who's ...
Ship Wrong, Part 5
14 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Captain Bell has enough shenanigans and incompetence and locks up our heroes, who then get a chance to really hash things out with Alfonso and learn w...
Ship Wrong, Part 4
07 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Though they have a man who might know more about their dangerous situation, he's not exactly an ally. The only way to find out who will be killed next...
Ship Wrong, Part 3
30 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
After a second killing, the reality becomes clear. The murders are related to a curse. But why? And how? These are things that either nobody is saying...
Ship Wrong, Part 2
23 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
One of the crew has been slain! But by what? Or who? Teeth marks would indicate some sort of creature, but the lack of footprints or other useful evid...
Ship Wrong, Part 1
16 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Adventure on the high seas! Playing as pirates in Madagascar, our heroes do all they can to make ends meet in a dwindling, hopeless crew. Misfortune i...
Peanut Murder, Part 6
08 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
With death almost certain, the universe takes an unlikely twist in the form of savior mermaids who worship a volcano. But who can truly know the whims...
Peanut Murder, Part 5
02 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The gang is found, and efforts to divert suspicion are only successful for so long. When the whole ship is alerted to the possibility of stowaways, it...
Peanut Murder, Part 4
26 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
If you can't get the supplies to stow away on your own, a passenger ship probably wouldn't notice a few extra strangers! Or a few extra crew members, ...
Peanut Murder, Part 3
18 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Skipping town requires supplies, but getting supplies requires money, friends who have things, or a certain amount of wit. When you have none of that ...
Peanut Murder, Part 2
11 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
How might one get a human body from downtown to the woods with nothing but three friends and a bold attitude? There are many ways and some are worse t...
Peanut Murder, Part 1
04 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Playing a fully ad-libbed game, our heroes are common, salt-of the earth miners of a magic metal. The pay is poor and the luck is worse.
Cyborg Cops, Part 7
25 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It's finally time to get some real answers about this nano-tentacle nonsense! It'll just take a few forms, an arbitration agreement, and a liability w...
Cyborg Cops, Part 6
19 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Bart's not a bad dude, honest! At least he doesn't mean badly, and to show it, he uses his crazy wealth to get the team back and track, and headed in ...
Cyborg Cops, Part 5
11 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The team decides to go after one of the world's richest men. They don't have evidence, they don't have police training, and they don't have jurisdicti...
Cyborg Cops, Part 4
04 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
By completely sheer dumb luck, the universe throws our heroes a break and puts a suspect directly in their path. The man on the motorcycle returns, th...
Cyborg Cops, Part 3
28 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
When the trail goes cold, it's time to hit the streets and ask some questions, but not before buying hotdogs, marshmallows, and camping supplies.
Cyborg Cops, Part 2
21 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
A murder perp is caught and her house is in need of investigating, but lo and behold there was no murder, and there is no spaghetti in the house to ju...
Cyborg Cops, Part 1
12 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Four friends play an exciting, fast-paced roleplaying game set in a far flung future you'd have a better understanding of if you'd read the handouts I...