Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: How did growing up in a strict religious household affect her view on relationships?
I was 17 when I remember thinking to myself, he doesn't hit me, so that means he's a good boyfriend. And I say that because my mom had two marriages to like alcoholics who were abusive and the second one was worse than the first. So it just like progressively got worse. And so...
Chapter 2: What challenges did she face during her high-risk pregnancy?
In my brain, watching my mom go through that, I thought to myself, as long as I'm with somebody who doesn't hit me or scream at me, I'm doing pretty good. And that set my standards so low. And I met my ex when we were in high school. So growing up, I grew up in a small town called Marcin. Literally has 1,200 people population.
Chapter 3: What difficulties did she encounter in co-parenting after leaving her ex?
Like it's so small. And on top of that, my mom was a Jehovah Witness. So it's like, I don't know if you know what that is. Yes. But maybe explain just for in case somebody doesn't.
Chapter 4: What signs of parental neglect did she observe in her ex's parenting?
Okay. It's... a religion like Christianity, but it's very strict.
Chapter 5: Why did she pursue sole custody of her daughter?
We were in the Kingdom Hall, which is a version of a church, coached not to go to college because it's selfish and you should devote your whole life to God. And that was like no birthdays, no holidays. And so growing up that way, I was very sheltered. We weren't even allowed to watch certain movies growing up. I had no idea who Jack Black was until I was 21. Yeah.
And so like, of course, when I turned 18, I had freedom. I was like, I'm going to discover myself. And were your mom and dad together? No. So my mom got divorced and married my stepdad. And he was the one who was like extremely abusive. And my mom was a witness, too.
Chapter 6: How did she react to her ex's arrest and its implications?
No, he wasn't. So like that always was hard for me growing up because like my mom would preach one thing and then do something else, you know. Right. And I love her. She's amazing. But she also had eight kids total. Yeah. So we grew up in a small rural town and extremely religious and then living in poverty with eight kids. So like we never left the house really. And my social skills were zero.
And also just like my understanding of the world and my exposure. And so what my mom did in her day to day life and like how she lived her life was the only thing I knew. Seeing my mom in these relationships kind of I thought to myself, as long as I'm not doing that, like as long as I'm not in a relationship like that, then I'm doing pretty good.
And so when I was with my ex, we met in high school, and it started with cheating. Like it always does. And I thought, it doesn't work this way, but I thought if I could be a controlling girlfriend, that would fix things. And like, of course, that's not going to work. You know? We're also so young.
Chapter 7: What impact did sharing her story on TikTok have on her life?
It's like we have no... idea about anything at that age. I feel like looking back now to like my high school dating and I'm like, I really thought this way and it was never that way at all. You know, like we don't really learn until... Yeah. Get older. Yeah. And it was like, it was hard for me being in just like such a small town.
Like I had no idea what healthy relationship looked like, like that. I'd never seen that before.
Chapter 8: What lessons has she learned about self-worth and healthy relationships?
And so from the cheating, it just like escalated to like a porn addiction and like, I didn't understand it at the time, but he was very manipulative and he coerced me into doing things that I wasn't comfortable with. And I had no idea that was happening. I just knew like, I don't feel good, you know? And so when I found out I was pregnant, we had been together for a few years at this point.
And it was so strange because my whole life I never wanted to be a mom. And part of that was because like I didn't want to go through what my mom went through, not just with her husband, but with my little brother. He passed away when he was 11. And I was horrified of feeling something so painful, you know. And so once I found out I was pregnant, it was just like a flip switch.
I was like, wow, this is actually like exciting. Like I feel good. And I did not expect that. And that's kind of like when I realized I was like, oh, I never wanted to be a mom because I was afraid. Not because I didn't want to be a mom. And it was probably one of the short-lived but most happy moments of my life.
And through the pregnancy, I slowly realized like how alone I was in the relationship specifically. My daughter, she cut off the flow to like both of my kidneys. It's called bilateral hydronephrosis. And it was extremely painful. I had to get emergency surgery on each of my kidneys, like one at a time. Yeah.
And then from there, like I had a bag of urine on each side for each kidney because your kidneys are what like drain. Yeah. And that was while you were pregnant? While I was pregnant. Yeah. And so that happened when I was like seven and a half to eight months pregnant. And I was not getting support from my ex at all. And I was still working.
And I remember I used to be a caregiver and I was doing night shifts. And I got off work one morning. It was like 4 or 5 a.m. in April. Like it was so cold. And my ex was supposed to pick me up and he never showed up. And I was in extreme pain from those tubes in my side. I don't know if you've felt kidney pain. It is the worst. But when I was sitting, my foot, I was sitting just like this.
My foot got caught on the tube and pulled on my back. And it was so agonizing. And it wasn't just like a short-lived pain. I was in pain for a minute. And my ex never showed up to pick me up. So I had to call my best friend to pick me up. And she lived an hour away. And that was the only person who could pick me up.
And I was so furious because that wasn't the first time something like that happened. And I just thought my partner would care about me enough to show up for me when I needed him. So that was when I realized how alone I was. When I gave birth to my daughter, oh my gosh, it was so intense. Like I remember my doctor, she said something to me and it was along the lines of like,
girl, I know you've been through a lot and it's not that you're brave. It's just that you had to, you didn't have a choice. And she's like, you are so strong because like, it's insane. I had a failed emergency C-section. Yeah. So like I'd been pushing for an hour and she was stuck. She was not coming out.
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