Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hey guys, it's me, Devorah. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus.
Chapter 2: What happened the morning her baby passed away?
This week's bonus episode is called, My Brain Was Slipping Into My Spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app, or go to we'reallinsane.com.
I'm Candice, here with my mom, Christine.
Chapter 3: How do SIDS investigations work?
We are here today to talk about my daughter, Delilah. Delilah passed away a week before her first birthday from SIDS, which is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Basically, the day before I was cleaning, taking care of the house.
Chapter 4: What was the day before her passing like?
Her and her brother were playing the whole entire day. So I didn't really get to hang out with her that much. I put her down for bed, put my son down for bed. And then at this point, my boyfriend, he was working overnights. And then I was just working at a grocery store.
Chapter 5: Why is it important for mothers to share their experiences?
But that night, once both of the babies were down, I went and I started working on goodie bags because the following weekend was supposed to be my daughter's birthday party. It was supposed to be her very first birthday. So I was making goodie bags for all the kids that were supposed to come. And that night I did hear her like, She never cried when she went to bed or anything.
She was really good at going down and sleeping. But she woke up a little bit, did her baby babbles.
Chapter 6: How do you continue to live life after losing your child?
She didn't cry, but went straight back to bed. She always went straight back to bed. Both my babies were sleep trained, but I didn't think anything of it. So I just let her do what she needed to do and went back to bed. I went to sleep and then the following morning, it was probably around 10 or 11, which was pretty late.
Chapter 7: What signs is she seeing from her daughter?
Usually the babies wake us up, but they didn't. I heard my son Roman start to wake up. He's three right now, so he was probably around two, two and a half. When this was happening, I heard him crying, not crying, but waking up. So I went to go and grab him. I told him, okay, let's go wake up sister. I let my boyfriend sleep because he had just gotten off at around four in the morning.
I went to grab Roman. I said, let's go get sister.
Chapter 8: How do you support someone grieving after SIDS?
I walked into the room and her room was dark and we had the sound machine going, but she was face down in her crib, which again, I didn't think anything of it because she always slept on her stomach. Actually, the day before I could hear her snoring and I took a little video of her face down with her hands next to her face, snoring when I went to go wake her up that morning.
But the morning that I found her, I walked into the room with my son and to wake her up, I would do the same thing every single day. I would tap her butt and rub her back. And that's exactly what I did that morning. And she didn't move. But that was my first thought that she was gone. And then I felt her arm and she was freezing. So I just assumed, oh, we need to get you warmed up.
But then again, I noticed she really wasn't moving. So I rolled her over and... She was gone. She was purple. Blood had come out of her nose and her mouth. So it had stained her crib and mattress. I just remember running to go and get my boyfriend from the bedroom. Our bedrooms were right next to each other. And I remember screaming. for him to help.
And he immediately woke up screaming, like, what's wrong? Like, what's going on? And he ran into the room and saw that Delilah was gone. He called 911 while I stayed with her. And all I could hear was them saying, like, you need to give her CPR, which I can see that she is not here anymore, like completely gone. So it was really hard. fathom like having to do CPR on a baby that's no longer here.
I tried to give her CPR in her crib, which obviously wasn't working. So I picked her up and she was just, that's saying dead weight. It's true. She was just so stiff and so heavy. But I picked her up. I put her on the floor and I did what they were telling me to do. I was trying to do CPR on her, but again, she was a dead baby. EMS, firemen, everyone, they were all there really quickly.
They had to physically pick me up off of her. But then they just left her body there just all day, which I understand it's considered a crime scene. There's a dead baby. But the whole entire time that they were investigating, she just laid there by herself. So from the moment she went to bed until then, she was basically just by herself. I don't know. It's just...
Something that I really regret, just her being by herself during all of that. Did they let you back in there after? No. No, they had me. So my son was still in his crib at the time. Well, not in his crib, but he still had his crib in his room. What they had me do was take like a fake doll and show them exactly how I found her in the crib.
They wanted me to do it in her room with her still laying there. Or did they move her body? Yeah. Yeah. They wanted me to go back in there where I found her and show them exactly how I found her. But instead we did it in my son's room, but... We did everything right that you can do as a parent. She had a $400 breathable mattress. She had the fitted sheets.
She only ever slept in the zip-up sleep sacks. Her pinky was always clipped to her. That way she could always have her pinky. I had the sound machine going, just everything. So do they know what causes that? No, not at all. Not at all. So this has been around forever and there's no new research, nothing at all.
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