Chapter 1: What challenges did the guest face growing up in a privileged household?
Hey guys, I just dropped an all new episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This month's episode is called Stalked for 25 Years. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus for just $5.99 a month inside your Apple or Spotify app or go to we'reallinsane.com. Who are you? Tell me. What happens if I don't know who I am?
I mean, you better fucking figure it out right now. I'm Louis Ruggiero. We're here at We're All Insane with Devorah. Yep. Oh, man. You got this. I know. It's really crazy. Where does your story start? It's crazy to think about, like, my life the last... I'm 31, but really the last 16, 17 years. And when I told my mom that I was coming on this podcast, she's like, oh, what's the name of it?
I was like, it's called We're All Insane. She's like, oh, you're fucking perfect for that one. I can curse on this, right? Yes, you can. I'll start from the top. I'm born and raised in New York City. I grew up in a very loving, privileged household. I grew up in a very high pressure household.
My father is a lawyer and my mom is a news anchor in New York for, she'll get mad at me for saying this, but almost 40 years. Growing up for me, I was always in this like kind of spotlight of like everything I was doing was always under a microscope, whether it was for better or for worse. And, you know, like people would ask me like, oh, what's it like with your mom being on TV?
And I like, was just like, that's my mom. I don't, I don't, I never knew any different. That was the way, that's the way it was before I came into this world. That's the way it is to this day. It was just, it was just normal for me, but I,
I don't think as a young child, you're kind of able to comprehend what the ramifications are of that and how as you start to get older and make mistakes that maybe not all, but some teenagers and young adults make, everything is kind of thrown in the spotlight. And we'll kind of get into I'm an addict in recovery. I'm sober three years this month in January. Congratulations. Thank you.
Yeah, it took me 10 years to get one year sober. We'll get into those fun years. I'm also a compulsive gambler. I just hit a year in Gamblers Anonymous. Took me 10 plus years to get a year in that program as well. Two very important causes in my life today and something that I'm really passionate about. I just started my own podcast seven months ago.
It's called Nothing's Off the Table with Luis Ruggiero. Focus on addiction. but the last couple months really been focusing a lot on the gambling stuff, given how legalized and glamorized and cool it is now, especially with the youth, which it's not. It's a very dangerous thing, but we'll get into that. So I grew up in Manhattan. I went to Catholic school until fifth grade.
I got kicked out of Catholic school, and then I went to this private school. Why'd you get kicked out? Oh, my God. So... You're like, I was going to skip it. I was just like... I was a mischievous kid. I wasn't a bad kid. And I tell people all the time that most addicts aren't bad people trying to get good. We're sick people trying to get well.
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Chapter 2: How did addiction impact the guest's life and relationships?
So maybe subconsciously that empowered me as a young adult, as I got older and older and older, that like I can always wiggle my way out of everything. And it did, and we'll, as the story goes on, you'll kind of hear more about that. But I wound up going to this school in Manhattan. It's called Dwight. It's a great school. They had this program. It's called the Quest program.
It's like in addition to your regular schooling, you meet with a private tutor who works at the school. Within your daily schedule. And they're like... It's for kids with learning disabilities. I'm dyslexic, which my parents never told me until I was 22 years old. Really? Yeah. Because my mom...
said to me in a family therapy, we didn't want to tell him because we didn't want him to use it as a cop out. So looking back on it, I definitely would have used it as an excuse all the time for sure. But I was in this quest program. I go to the school Dwight. The commute's easier. The commute's fucking 15 minutes cross town bus. It's not an hour long bus ride.
No time to throw shit out the window. And, you know, my high school was like fairly normal. Like I really didn't get in trouble that often. I got in trouble one time in sophomore year, I got into a fight with some kid in my class. He gets kicked out. He wound up pulling a knife on me. He gets kicked out. I get suspended. And, um, that was it from eighth grade through 12th grade.
That was my only like issue that I had at the school. And my grades were good. I was a B plus a minus student. I wound up getting like a 30 on my ACT. I got accepted to George Washington University early decision. So like, you know, my shit looks good now. I figured it out. I figured it out.
And, you know, I think the one thing that kind of kept me together in high school was the structure of my athletics. whether it was basketball, whether it was baseball, whether it was preseason in the fall, I, you know, if you played basketball, you had to do cross country to kind of get in shape or whatever.
So it was always ha I always had the structure of athletics, kind of like keeping me out of trouble, keeping me away from fucking smoking pot during lunch with some of my friends who did that every day who didn't play sports. Um, and you know, I, I, I was like a normal, high school kid and I get accepted to George Washington University and I'm really looking forward to going away.
And the summer before I left, I said to my mom, I'm like, hey, I don't think I want to go anymore. And I was like, can I take a year off? And she was like, and do what? And I was like, I'll just work. Like I'll work at the family restaurant. She was like, no, you're going to school. Like get your ass out of here.
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Chapter 3: What led to the guest's first experiences with gambling?
And she didn't say it like that, but she was like, my parents... Old school Italians, they grew up with like, you go to school, you get good grades, you get a job, you work for the man, you build your career, you support your family, and then that's it. You know, it's like there wasn't this, what we have now where it's like we can start a podcast or be like an influencer.
Figure out, like take your time, figure out what you wanna do. I think too, like it's probably a fear for some parents of if they take that year, are they gonna wanna go after that year? You know, so it's always, I feel like in the best interest. And also during that time, like for our parents, you couldn't get a good job if you didn't have a college degree.
Whereas now it's not really like that anymore. So anyways, I go down to GW and I don't play sports at GW. I joined a fraternity. And this is kind of where my story really begins of kind of really losing myself and also rediscovering myself and finding myself and a lot of pain and a lot of confusion, a lot of tragedy, a lot of trauma.
And, you know, that word trauma is like thrown around a lot, especially today. I think everyone goes through trauma in different ways and it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor or middle class or black, white, green, blue, purple. We all experience it in some fashion or another. So when I get to college, I pledge a fraternity and I dabbled with drugs in high school.
Like I'd maybe done cocaine once or twice. I drank beers occasionally. I smoked pot. Your normal high school shenanigans. And I'm pledging this fraternity and it was intense. We drank a lot. We drank a lot. And I didn't come into college a drinker, but we drank a lot. And we were forced to drink a lot, obviously. And one night during pledge, my friend says to me, he goes, try Xanax.
Like, take the Xanax. I'm like, no, I don't fuck with pills. I don't do that. He's like, just try it. Like, I promise you, you'll feel like amazing. And I was like, fuck it, whatever. I don't care. And I tried a half a Xanax and I'll never forget the feeling of just being like, this feels good. This feels like really fucking good. Like so good.
This is kind of how I want to feel all the time good. And that was it. It was like a very zero to 100 type situation, which was like the type of person I am even till this day. I think I've gotten a little bit better at that, but Um, I went from trying from doing a half a milligram of Xanax to within that was in September by December, I was doing 10 milligrams of Xanax a day.
And I had, I had gotten straight D's my first semester at GW. And, uh, I, uh, I come home for winter break and I'll never forget. My cousin, Kristen picked me up from DC and she drove me back to New York. And, uh, Before she dropped me off at home, I made her stop at my drug dealer's house in the city before I went back to my apartment.
And you, when you're in that mode, like you don't think that, oh, this is like a problem. Yeah. And then you kind of look back on your life and you're like, that's kind of fucking crazy that you, your first stop, you're making your cousin, who's like 15 years older than me, Telling her, oh, I need to stop at my friend's house to pick up some books, but I'm stopping at my drug dealer.
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Chapter 4: How did the guest's gambling escalate over the years?
My parents have to come down and pick me up in the hospital. My face is all fucked up. Like it was, it was really bad, really bad bar fight. And my mom was like, I don't want to send you back. And I'm like, listen, I got into a bar fight. We were going to do my grades are decent. Like, I want to go back. So they let me go back.
After this bar fight, I get put on, I get given a bunch of Percocet and I start taking the Percocet and I start liking the Percocet. And now my mind is like, I know I can't do Xanax, but I really like this fucking Percocet. And I really like the way this Percocet makes me feel. And now I'm eating a bunch of Percs and snorting Percocets.
And now I'm trying Oxycontin, which I had never heard about before then. And... That summer going up into freshman or first semester of junior year, I get introduced to Roxycontin, which are those little blue M30s, 30 milligrams Roxycontin. And that made Xanax look like fucking grade school shit compared to the way I felt on these things. And I'm off to the races with Roxycontin.
And now I'm like...
every weekend where can i get roxy's who wants to do roxy's with me and i had like this group of friends that like we all really with drugs and we're all from new york city we come from privileged families we had access to money and things to acquire whatever we wanted and that played into my addiction for a long time so i go back freshman or first semester junior year and uh this is also the time i get introduced to a bookie sports bookie
love watching sports. I can fucking bet on the Knicks and I can win money and I can, this is amazing. This is amazing. I'm just going to sniff oxys and bet on sports all day. This is great. So September 15th of 2015 was my first semester of junior year. And I lost my best friend at the time to an accidental overdose. And you know, this was a kid who
was a great human being, like me, grew up privileged, thought that rules and consequences don't apply to us. And, you know, when we used to go out, we used to, let's do coke, let's do Xanax, let's do oxys, let's drink, let's do this, let's do that. And unfortunately he did not wake up one morning and I'll never forget that morning.
Basically wake up to a bunch of texts being like, we heard Willie went to the hospital. You were with him last night. Do you know what happened? And I'm like, no, I came home. I was home. Last time I saw him was here or wherever it was. And I'm like, I'll call his mom. And I remember calling his mom and I'm like, hey, like Rose, we're looking for Will. Is everything okay?
And she's hysterically crying. She's like, Will, he's dead. And, you know, that was like, I remember just like not feeling like I just, you're just like numb, you know, you're like, you're like in a trance. You're what the fuck just happened? This can't be real. And you're kind of just trying to piece together things at this time. And, you know, for me, I was, I was 20 years old.
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Chapter 5: What was the turning point that led to the guest's realization of their addiction?
like, okay, fuck you, you know? And about a month back after spring break, after I'd been arrested, the FBI comes knocking on my door to investigate the death of my best friend. And this had happened in DC and my best friend's father was a pretty big attorney and his mom was someone high up in New York. So there was an investigation and they basically
There was me and two other individuals that they were like, you guys always had the drugs. You guys always supplied the drugs. If you don't cooperate with us and tell us what you know, where you get them, this, that, and the other thing, we're going to charge you with all these felony distribution counts. In District of Columbia, it's a felony. These are all federal court things.
It's not like state mandated or district, whatever. So now I'm... on probation for a year for stealing the purse. And now I'm in the middle of an FBI investigation. And my parents are a wreck, but they're like, you gotta keep you, keep our son strong and support. And we're gonna get through this and blah, blah, blah.
And I come home that summer and I am that entire summer, I'm in a court mandated drug program in Manhattan. It was for adolescents. It was a really good program. And that was kind of like where they had been forcing me, you have to go to AA. Like part of this program is you come here for five hours a day, but you have to go to AA. And so... I would go to these AA meetings very rarely.
I'd show up late. I'd leave early and I'll never forget. I went to my first AA meeting and I came home and my dad was like, so what'd you think? And I was like, eh, I was like, dad, I was like, this lady at the end said, you know, if you want what we have, you'll go to any lengths to get it. And I said to my dad, I said, I don't want anything. These fucking people have them. I'm never going back.
And my dad was just like, fuck. I just wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to hear about a higher power. I wasn't ready to hear about change my way of thinking or powerless surrender. All those things that my ego was too inflated to comprehend or try to comprehend. I think it's very rare too when you are younger, even I feel like mid to low 20s to really have interest in that stuff.
I don't think that you're at a point where you know who you are. I don't think you really care to figure out who you are. I think what we care about is, I mean, even for me, like when I look back, it was like fun, carefree. It's like you don't want to think about any of the other stuff. Yeah. Yeah.
And it's like really, it's also really difficult to kind of accept that you may be different than your fellows. None of my friends had this problem. All my friends are ripping the bong, getting straight A's, partying, having a great time. And I'm like, why can't I do that? Why when I take something, am I on a seven-day bender and I can't stop even though I want to?
So I'm home now and my mom had this friend at the time. He ran like the same like social circle as my mom and these other people. He was this famous jeweler. He did jewelry for Oprah Winfrey and Melania Trump and calls my mom one day and he's like, you're never gonna believe this.
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Chapter 6: What consequences did the guest face due to their gambling addiction?
And I was like, okay, like pull up. What's up? He's like, I'll call you later. Never calls me, never hear anything from him. So I'm like, all right, whatever. Monday morning, I wake up. I go to the gym, I'm at the gym, which is conveniently like a block and a half away. And he calls me, he's like, yo, where are you? I'm like, I'm at Equinox across the street.
So all right, I'm coming to talk to you. So he comes, I'm working out and he comes and pulls me off the workout floor and brings me up to the locker room. And he's like, yo, he's like, I did something really bad. I'm like, what's up? He's like, you know, Larry and these girls came over and they brought this kid with them.
We had an after party from the club we went to and Larry and this kid got into a fight and Larry wound up knocking him out. And he's like, I panicked. I didn't want this kid dying on my floor. So I slid his throat and I stabbed him. And I was like, I looked at him. I was like, yeah, I was like, all right. I was like, okay. And he was like, don't worry about it.
He's like, I wrapped his body up in a comforter. He threw him out my window. Larry got the car. We drove his body to Jersey and we buried him, burned the body. And I'm like, I'm looking at him, I'm like, Jimmy, I'm like, that's what I said to him. I said, you're a good little Jew boy from Manhattan. You're not in Goodfellas. And he grabs me and he's like, LJ, I'm fucking serious.
I'm like, yeah, all right, dude, whatever. He's like, don't worry about it. Cleaned up the whole apartment. He's like, look, the detectives call me. He's like, they got nothing on me. I'm like, all right, dude, whatever you say. I shower. I'm like, yo, I got to go. I'm going to the Nick game. I shower. I go to the Nick game with one of my best friends.
And I tell him, I'm like, yo, Jimmy just told me this and said he did this, this, and this, and that. My friend literally looks at me. He's like, bro, that kid's a pathological liar. He'll literally say anything for attention. I'm like, I know. It's crazy. I don't think anything of it. I swear. I literally like, I left the Nick game. I went home. And that's like a movie.
And like, you know, I like... I'm like fucked up in my own mind at that time. Like I'm doing a bunch of oxys. I'm strung out. I'm like, I'm like in my own world. Another day. Yeah. I'm like, I'm in my own world. I'm just trying to like survive. Yeah. Like I don't have time for your stories. So I go, I go home that night and I'm like, I'm getting fucked up obviously.
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Chapter 7: How did the guest begin their journey towards recovery?
And then I go to sleep and I wake up the next day. My mom had actually called my therapist and was like, he's on drugs again. I don't know what he's doing, but he's on drugs again. So I had my therapy that day and I go to my therapist and she's like, I got it like, you know, your mom called a lot. I'm like, fuck you. I like leave.
And I'm walking up first Avenue and I'm walking back up to the gym. And like the gym for me at that time was like a safe place. Cause I had my own locker and like, I'd hide my drugs in there. So my parents couldn't find it. Like it was like my little like private sanctuary in a weird way. So I'm walking up to the gym and I'm like, you know what? Like I'm about to walk by Jimmy's block.
This kid's not lying, there's gotta be something popping off in front of his house. So I get to 59th and 1st, I look right down the block, all I see is NYPD crime unit trucks,
fucking dogs the dudes in the fucking hazmat suits and they're wheeling out they're wheeling out he had this really flamboyant collection of louis vuitton luggage that like only this motherfucker and his father which we'll get into shortly his father had so i see them wheeling out this luggage and i'm like I'm like, oh, fuck. I'm like, oh, fuck. Fuck. He did it.
And like, I remember just like saying fuck like a hundred times. Now I have a mental breakdown. Now I call my mom. You're not gonna believe this. Jimmy fucking murdered someone. He confessed the murder to me. He texted me about it. And now there's fucking NYPD crime in your trucks. My mom's like, shut the fuck up. Get off the phone and get home right now. So now I'm flying home. I get home.
My mom and dad are there. And I tell them everything. And I'll never forget this. It was like... 5.56 p.m. And the six o'clock news come on. Six o'clock news comes on. And it's a missing kid from Connecticut. And the father of the missing kid was on the news saying, if you know anything about where my son was, please help us. He was last seen here, here, and there.
And Jimmy told me that it was a kid from Connecticut. I said to my mom, like, looking at him, like... They don't know where the body is. I know where the body is. Or I don't know where the body is. I know that he drove it to Jersey. I didn't know where in Jersey it was. Hi guys, you can subscribe now to We Are All Insane Plus for only $5.99 a month.
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All right, so I'm sure all of us are very familiar, unfortunately, with the feeling of doing everything right, whether that's working out, eating clean, getting enough rest, but during your day, you just still feel so depleted and so tired, and you feel like you're doing all the right things, but nothing is working.
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Chapter 8: What insights does the guest share about the nature of addiction?
I'm coming home, bro. Like, he's like, call me, blah, blah. And I'm like, yo, this fucking kid's crazy. And he has no idea. So I'm in LA, I'm doing this back and forth shit. I got a new job. I'm doing great at this job. I'm making money. And the day comes where the trial happens and I have to testify. And he still had no idea you were going to be there? He knew about two weeks before the trial.
Okay. Because there's some law that like the, they don't have to disclose my actual name.
up until a certain point okay um to protect the witness or whatever so he knows and uh obviously i come in and i testify and i walk into the courtroom and he's sitting right there and i walk by him and he's staring at me and shaking his head and i gotta sit right here with the prosecutor right there and jimmy right there just staring at me and i have to testify about our relationship how our relationship started
and how it evolved and the bad things that we did together and that, you know, the prosecutor would say, well, you were also doing drugs. Where were you getting money from drugs? And I had to say, I would steal from my parents. Like I had to basically, tell on myself first to make myself credible to the jurors so that they would believe my testimony and basically air out all of my dirty laundry.
And then in the front row of the people in the room was every major news publication because this was like front page news now for the last year and a half. And so now they're having a field day. Rosanna Scott O'Sun stealing from this, stealing from that, blah, blah, blah. Oxycontin addiction, $1,200 a day pill addiction, pawning jewelry, this and that, bookies, destroying me.
And I testify and then I get cross-examined by his defense team. They fucking annihilate me. And he gets convicted. He got convicted of second degree murder, concealment of a human corpse and tampering with evidence. Got sentenced to 28 years to life. His friend Larry took a plea deal, manslaughter. He's due in 23 years.
And there was another kid that was there and he got us six months for tampering with evidence. And, you know, that was like a really, really tough time for me because at this point in time, I was like a year and change sober. And I had been really trying to rebuild my life. And I had this new job and I started my own company.
It was like a ticket brokering company and specializing in like high, high end experiences, like front row seats to Justin Bieber with a private meet and greet and stuff that like only billionaires and millionaires could buy. And it was, uh, It was really great. It was really great.
And then all of a sudden, you know, I'm doing business with these people and they're like Googling me and they're seeing now all these articles about a murder trial and like the Chanel bag stuff and like all this shit. So really traumatizing.
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