R*ped by My Parents Until I Was Mute
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What is intrafamilial child torture?
My name is Liliana, and today I'm going to be talking about my intrafamilial child torture and how my parents isolated, tortured, and sexually abused me until I was mute as a child, agoraphobic as a teenager, and a young adult. And I just want to talk about what occurred, how it affected me as I grew up, and my experience pursuing legal justice against my abuser. So first, I would like to say, to answer the question of why I'm here and why I'm doing this, first and foremost, I feel it's important because if I was a child and I had seen somebody talking about this kind of experience, it probably would have changed the trajectory of my life. So I think if there's somebody out there going through something similar, I could provide some kind of
You know, my experience with it. And also, too, I would like to kind of give advice on what it's like to uphold boundaries and stuff. Like after you go through something like this, advocating for yourself can be kind of difficult. And it's something I personally struggled with and still struggle with. So I could also give advice on that. And just generally like therapy, the world of psychology, I'm really familiar with. Also, I personally, I've never really had issues talking about this stuff. And I've been fortunate enough that Miss Dev here has been so kind as to share her bigger microphone with me, this bigger platform, so I can reach more people. And of course, there are selfish reasons too. You know, I do wish that I could get on a microphone big enough to share this with the whole world.
And in a way, I feel like a lot of, especially the sexual abuse, like my mother wasn't aware of it. So I feel like in a way, maybe this will fill the hole of if somebody just knew what happened. But, you know, so there is a bit of selfishness over here, I will admit, because I do want to be transparent. And there are going to be a lot of times in this story where I'm not the victim. If you're looking for a perfect victim in this story, it's not going to happen. So, and I also do just want to provide information Every trigger warning possible, like any trigger warning you can think of, it's going to be mentioned in this story. So if you're not in a good headspace, I don't recommend listening to this story or maybe just skipping towards, you know, the end where I talk more about pursuing legal justice and stuff like that.
So intrafamilial child torture. I know you've had other guests on here to talk about it, but in case anyone doesn't know what it is, intrafamilial child torture or ICT is a mix of coercive control and severe violence against a child. So the difference between ICT and abuse is kind of like ICT changes the way that the brain develops, if that makes sense. So, for example, If a mother continuously body shames her child, but the child is secure enough in themselves to not really let that bother them, that is abuse. But if that same scenario happens and the child grows up with eating disorders and body dysmorphia and stuff like that, that would be ICT because it changed the way that their brain works.
It changed, you know, how they developed, how they view the world and themselves. So that is the difference between the two. Another reason why I wanted to share my story is because I really want to iterate to people that, especially within sexual abuse, something I see a lot is people asking, you know, where is the mother? Especially if it's a male harming a child, everybody loves to ask, where's the mother? Where's the mother? But it's been my experience and I've met several other CSA survivors in my life. I've read so many books, watched so many videos, heard so many other testimonies. And something I'm finding pretty common is the mothers know. We can't leave it up to the mothers. And that's why I want to share the signs because leaving it up to the mothers most of the time is not going to do anything.
According to Psychology Today, 52% of mothers do not support their children after they come out about sexual abuse.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is intrafamilial child torture?
0:00–11:52
2
How does childhood torture affect development?
11:52–15:08
3
Why do abuse victims stay silent?
15:08–20:26
4
What are common signs of grooming in abusive relationships?
20:26–1:40:51
5
What experiences led to her feelings of isolation and fear?
1:40:51–1:42:29
6
How did her relationship with her siblings impact her actions?
1:42:29–1:43:40
7
What coping mechanisms did she develop during her childhood?
1:43:40–1:44:28
8
How did she pursue justice against her abuser?
1:44:28–3:25:14