The world’s a bit of a mess right now – maybe Trevor, Christiana, and Josh can come up with some fixes. It’s another If I Ruled the World episode. This week’s suggestions are… intimate? Their rulings are infiltrating your screens, bedrooms, and minds. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the format and goal of 'If I Ruled the World' game?
This is What Now? with Trevor Noah. You ready to rule the world? Of course. Always am. Living. Welcome to my favorite game, If I Ruled the World. As I tell both of you, and anyone who'll listen, my dream is to be a dictator of a very small nation, of a group of people who... Not wanted me to be a dictator, but they were like, yeah, this sounds like a cool idea.
So I didn't like take power from them. It just was the way it was. Okay. And yeah, I always think of what I would do to make my world perfect. And that's why I play this game. I feel like Josh has come in. Because last time you weren't happy with how we ran if I ruled the world.
He felt a bit ganged up on or what was that?
No, you know, I think I was more like, I always come to if I rule the world like I rule the world, like this should work. So then when y'all hit me with things I didn't think about, I feel like I'm not really ruling the world. I feel like my plans are falling apart. So I get a little vindictive because I'm like, all right, you asked me what to do if I rule the world.
You didn't tell me to plug up all the holes in my logic.
But remember, you have to vote. That's the game. If I ruled the world, each of us takes the role of magnanimous dictator slash world leader slash king slash god person. We change the world in any way that we want. However... You have to win the votes of the other two people. We also ask everyone who listens to the show if they want to submit ideas, and then we vote on them.
So let's go through some of the suggestions now. I haven't seen any of these, so I don't know. All right, let's see. If I rule the world, listener suggestions. Here we go. This is from Rebecca.
Rebecca says, if I ruled the world, I would make it mandatory for world leaders to spend an hour creating art, and it can be anything, drawing, painting, ceramics, glassblowing, before they make any critical decisions on important matters, such as military action, immigration, environmental policies, etc.
Absolutely not.
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Chapter 2: What are some listener suggestions for world improvements?
Chapter 3: Should political leaders engage in art before making decisions?
So the failure.
Okay, I like this. So yours is A? I am a yes for this. Christiana?
No. You're a no.
I like it, but I'm a no. And I was a yes until Josh said his. I'll tell you why, Rebecca. No, because now I actually agree with Josh. But like, I think men are, we have like the most sensitive egos. So if you like fail at the pottery, you might invade a country to show how good you actually are. So I agree with you, Josh, actually. But I think, so it's a no for me. Sorry, Rebecca.
Fabian says, if I ruled the world, I would prohibit political careers. Everyone should have an occupation outside of politics. Government positions are a one-time thing and temporary. These positions should be considered a rare occasion to serve the nation.
I vote yes immediately. I also vote yes because you really want to go out like an all-star. You know what I mean? Some of these people start their political career and they're saying all the right stuff. But then you can tell after like three years, they're like beat down and they try to pass the same thing over and over again. You have to be. And they get cynical. Yeah, they get cynical.
And then 15 years later, they're like so... It's like, what do you mean so?
You don't even have to be there. Yeah, no career politicians. I agree. Well done, Fabian. You just got three yeses. Wow, that's a good one. All right. Senna says, if I ruled the world, I would change the curtains in fitting rooms at stores to something that provides a little more coverage because there always remains a very peek-through-able gap. And those two curtains have never fully met.
This is very specific. This is super specific, Senna. Senna, did someone spy on you? this is wild I feel like this is a complaint for a department store not like a suggestion for it's also like if you ruled the world imagine you have all the power in the world and you use it to make the curtains in dressing rooms can I tell you right now this person is having a good life
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Chapter 4: Is banning career politicians a good idea?
Yes. I vote yes, because the heart is in the right place.
OK. I also vote yes. The COINTELPRO was a joke. I do think that there's a there's a world where using government funds to build community is what.
government should be for and so I do like the idea okay I'm gonna go no because I think people eat too much meat already alright Ben comes in and says if I ruled the world there should be fast lanes and slow lanes on the sidewalk I'm just going to go no because that doesn't work on the highway. People are just going to walk where they walk anyway. And then who decides what fast is?
Because you don't have a speedometer on you as a person. What is fast? What is slow? I think that fast and slow is dictated by the local...
Exactly. Because then they measured the steps of people in New York versus people in Portland. Yes. And it's like, by and large, all New Yorkers walk faster than all people in Portland.
Way faster.
So it's like, I think everyone starts to figure it out once you set those lanes up. The real problem is there's actually not enough sidewalk to go around. Right. Because you got to go this way and this way, and you have to do it fast and slow. I don't know. That's four lanes of sidewalk. I don't know.
And then you've got someone, like, screaming at you, hey, this is the fast lane, buddy. Like, how fast are you walking? I don't know. I'm sorry, Ben. For me, it's a no.
It's getting real ableist right now.
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Chapter 5: How can changing dressing room curtains improve privacy?
I didn't even cross my mind.
Because there's going to be guys who are like, I like your hair style. Nice hair. I've been following you for a few blocks. Hey, what's your number?
I don't see a baby seat in that backseat. No, I think it would be a bit rough because they would all have to be pre-planned. So we'd have to figure out like four or five messages you could say.
No, you could have a dynamic one. You could just have like a dot matrix that displays the, you could just, you could like say it and it would just show it. I just don't think that's a good idea. It's bad enough that we already have, like, I don't think.
And how would people like read the light? That's what I'm saying.
I'm just saying this is trouble. I mean, we're getting towards that self-driving, so you're going to have to do something. I hear you, but it's a no for me.
Yeah, it's a no for me too.
I mean, probably a no because I don't understand it, but yeah, yeah.
I feel like that's what people in Congress say every week. I'm going to vote no on this because I don't understand it. I don't really get it. But yeah. All right. Now for the big rounds. So who wants to go first? Josh, Christiana? I'm willing to go as well.
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Chapter 6: Would government-funded neighborhood barbecues build community?
Can we like do a coin toss or pull?
Oh, just go like rock, paper, scissors? Oh, so Christiana, I beat Josh. Christiana beats that person. You beat me.
Josh beat me and you beat Josh. So I go first.
Okay, fine.
Then Josh second.
Okay, let's go. Christiana.
OK, I didn't think I'd lose the game of random. I don't think you lost. OK, if I ruled the world, I would designate mandatory reality TV for everyone over 18 for one hour a week. You can pick whichever show you like, but you have to watch a reality TV show.
You have to watch it.
You have to watch a reality TV show.
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Chapter 7: Do fast and slow lanes on sidewalks make sense?
But wait, but people can choose the reality show. So what if everyone's just choosing a show that teaches them nothing?
No, you'd be randomly assigned the show.
Okay, so you don't know what show it is. You don't know what show it is. And you have to watch it.
Yeah, you have to do it. You have to be engaged.
You can't be on your phone.
I mean, you can be on your phone. I think a great thing about the reality show experience is that a lot of people tweet, live tweet when they're watching it and they're covering it on Instagram and stuff. So if you want to connect with other viewers via social media, that's great.
And you wouldn't just make people watch a documentary once a week?
No way, because documentaries are so boring. You've got all those talking heads. They'd be like, oh my God, and there's statistics. I hate documentaries. Oh my God. And especially the vanity documentaries when you've basically got access to the person. So nothing bad comes up. So no, not documentary.
Let me tell you right now, documentaries have that thing. They're starting to get that thing where
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Chapter 8: Could LED message boards on cars improve road communication?
nature that reality TV doesn't have.
And people on reality TV are by and large the most shameless human beings on the planet. They are so shameless.
So you think reality TV has become more genuine than documentaries in many ways?
It shows so much truth. For instance, if you watch The Real Housewives of Potomac right now, Karen Huger is in prison for a DUI. This is a black woman. She called herself the Grand Dame, very sophisticated, upper crust black woman who you didn't even believe was capable of getting drunk and being sloppy. That's the image she put out there.
And in my personal life, I've been talking about black women and alcoholism. I'm like, I know a lot of black women who drink a lot, right? But it's not something that we talk about publicly. It's in our group chats or whatever. We're seeing it play out at brunch. And Karen is like showing this mirror to like these experiences.
And then you get, there's lots of people that go to prison for like stuff like a lot of fraud, like insurance fraud and like the time of griftery things that you have these people in these affluent suburbs that do to get their money. That I think is a very American story, but you don't necessarily talk about it.
So, yeah, you get kind of these shameless people who are a bit narcissistic, who are craving fame or attention. And I think a lot of people want attention in this country. And it makes you fall in love with people that you never thought you would fall in love with, who are very different from you.
And shameless people are sometimes the most honest. Shameless people do the same. They do things for the same reasons that we do them. But we either rationalize or like rationalization is sort of lying to yourself about it. But then there's also the lying to the world about like, no, no, no, I did for this reason. Where a shameless person is like, I was trying to get the money. I got a plug.
Why would I not get the money?
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Chapter 9: Why mandate reality TV viewing for everyone over 18?
Chapter 10: How does reality TV reflect real-life social issues?
He is a product. I think he is a product of reality TV.
He is.
He was a type of person that would go in reality TV.
A lot of his facade comes from The Apprentice. Like, if you watch Trump pre-Apprentice, watch him in interviews, watch him as a person, he doesn't have the exact same vibe to him You know, like post-Apprentice. I think because on The Apprentice, they were like, no, you got to do this. You're fired. And they gave him the catchphrases and the look. And I think he just sort of adopted that character.
Yeah, I can see that. You know, when you first said that, I was firmly a no. I was like, this is a crazy idea. But I think you've won me. I think... One, because I think you've given a good justification. But two, I just think we need to share more experiences as people.
So if everyone is watching a show weekly, everywhere in the world, I do like that everyone tomorrow has something to connect around. In the office. Yeah, yeah. I think we need more collective viewing, more collective, you know what I mean? So I'm going to vote yes to reality TV one hour every week forced upon you.
Yeah, and I think it sparks conversation you would normally have to go to a very serious place to have. I find that watching Love is Blind or watching Love Island gets Sally and I talking about relationships in a way that's fun because of what they're doing that has nothing to do with us.
Because if I just walk in the apartment cold and I'm like, what do you think about when people don't know how to talk about cheating in their past? It's like we're having a very different conversation now. Because then now you can't convince a person you don't mean you. But then when we watch someone on Love Island... It is a nice... Be like kind of that... It's a great catalyst.
Yeah, exactly.
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Chapter 11: What is Josh's controversial idea about punishing willful ignorance?
Chapter 12: How do the hosts debate the idea of making stupidity painful?
So if you, just by saying and knowing it's wrong, put a fork in the socket, it's essentially Pinocchio but with pain. You know that you're being willfully ignorant. You know that you're lying. You know that. And so I wouldn't put my hand on the lever. I wouldn't be controlling how much. But you would have to have some actual barrier.
Because it costs people nothing to spread misinformation and it costs people nothing to like. lead people for the sake of manipulation in a way that is like willfully dumb. Do you know what I mean? I don't mean people who don't know things yet. That's okay.
This is the clarification I think I'm getting. So you're not saying people who quote unquote are stupid. You're not saying that. You don't mean somebody whose aptitude may not be at the level that... No, no. You're saying if somebody does or says something that they know is stupid and they're just doing it to either act the fool or... Yeah. Drive people in the wrong direction. Yeah.
But you know now.
Can you give me like more concrete examples?
Alex Jones would be in constant pain. That's that's what I mean. Someone who like like for every because what Alex Jones does that's particularly insidious is that he he plays on things where whenever it's the right time and he's on the right podcast, he's an entertainer. And he's somebody who's just like, yeah, he's just like taking the piss out of everything.
Even in court, I'm taking the piss out of everything. But then then when when it's just you and Alex and you, I mean, an impressionable person. who really feels downtrodden and you don't know who's to blame or if it's your fault or whatever, Alex is taking advantage of those people.
He's catering to people who need something to blame that's physical and they can get out there and they can attack that person, which is why you have Alex Jones fans spitting on and following and harassing People who are families of victims of school shootings.
Right.
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Chapter 13: What are the ethical and practical concerns of punishing ignorance?
This is so dystopian.
It really is. Josh, we sent Josh away. We were like, Josh, you're too nice. And Josh went away and he read every like Orwellian novel vibe thing he could. And Josh was like, oh, I will show you because this is damn. Okay.
Another question. If somebody is like determined in their willful stupidity and they're constantly feeling pain, does it get to a point where they die? Yeah.
No, I don't think so.
You still have the same life expectancy.
You still have the same life expectancy. I think a physical representation of the thing now is there are those people that are like very like crunchy, hippie and everything. And they drink silver because they're like, no. They drink silver? Yeah, they drink silver. I have not heard about that.
And so they're like, no, if I drink the silver, I won't need like a list of things that are actually like not that invasive and just like medically invasive. Because of its antibacterial qualities.
Silver's great, but I didn't know people were drinking it.
It's like they will turn a little bit blue. You'll see it on them. Yes.
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Chapter 14: Could some people thrive on pain and how does that affect the idea?
Yeah, yeah. Nope, you right.
I know this woman called Laura Checkaway. She made this great documentary called Lucky about this girl who I think lives in the Bronx and she's like really charismatic and beautiful. And she's covered in tattoos, right? Yeah. And she says in the documentary, see, I shit it on documentary, but that's actually a really good documentary.
She says, they were like, why do you have all these tattoos on your face? And she'd had a really tough life. And she says, I can't really locate the pain I feel emotionally. So every time I get a tattoo, I can feel the pain physically.
Oh, damn.
I'm paraphrasing it now and it made me look at like you know psychic pain a bit differently and look at people that have lots of piercings and people that have lots of tattoos like they're actually trying to physically experience something that they only experience emotionally and can't often locate and I think that we're talking about very emotionally damaged people if you're like willfully putting bad information in the world for your own gain and I think you underestimate
how many people, for whatever reasons, maybe they've had really tough lives or maybe they're sociopathic, who would actually enjoy that sensation of pain. It's making them feel something.
Jeez.
I feel like Trump is in that category because of his own damage. He likes to feel like the thing that we're like, everyone thinks you're awful. You're a nasty person. He gets a rush from that pain and that criticism. And I do fear you would create a world where people would seek out that pain.
You're basically saying we'd create like supervillains.
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