UnitedHealthcare Assassin: Italians Are Black Again?

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What Now? with Trevor Noah 1h 6m 4 speakers 6 chapters transcribed
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What is the premise of the podcast?

Trevor Noah 0:01
Okay, I'm going to start this episode of the podcast with a disclaimer. There's a thing I do with my friends, and I have called it sweeping judgments. All of these opinions are our opinions. Everything we say is ridiculous. None of it needs to make sense. If you've come here for facts, this is not the podcast for you. This is not the episode for you. There might also be jokes. If you don't like jokes, I'm warning you now. Get your kid to take you out of the room because shit might go down. This is What Now? with Trevor Noah. Welcome to Sweeping Judgments. Josh, I'm just going to jump straight into it. Okay. As a fellow gray hoodie wearer, you knew this guy was going to shoot the guy, didn't you? It's something... Why are you still wearing the hoodie, by the way?
Josh 1:18
Okay, look. This is how I actually dress. So, when he... When he popped up, can I tell you one thing real quick about the whole thing, before we knew who he was or anything? When I saw that dude stand up and then, like, get the gun ready, everything, I was so thankful to see white hands. Oh, yeah, it was over for you. Oh, dude.
Trevor Noah 1:46
It was over for you. Then, then, CBS— Do you know how many videos have you wearing that exact outfit with that exact backpack? Talking about CEOs.
Josh 1:54
And so then— Then CBS had the unmitigated nerve to say a light-skinned man.
Unknown Speaker 2:03
Did you?
Trevor Noah 2:04
Yeah, I noticed that shit.
Unknown Speaker 2:05
I thought I was the only one. Do you want to know my conspiracy? What's your conspiracy? Italians are black again.
Trevor Noah 2:10
No.
Unknown Speaker 2:11
Yes, because that woman from, that Trumpy woman said Ariana Grande is taking white people's roles.
Trevor Noah 2:17
No, no, no.
Unknown Speaker 2:18
She's Italian. I'm telling you, Italians must be black again.
Trevor Noah 2:20
Let me tell you something, Josh. I noticed that. I've never, light-skinned? I thought I was the only one.
Unknown Speaker 2:25
Yeah, I know.
Trevor Noah 2:25
I genuinely thought.
Unknown Speaker 2:26
Now my theory, because it's come out he's Italian. I'm like, maybe, you know.
Trevor Noah 2:30
Yeah, but they didn't know. But they didn't know when they made that statement.
Unknown Speaker 2:32
But now what I'm saying, they're calling Italians light-skinned?
Trevor Noah 2:35
No, no, no, no. Let me tell you something. When that exact thing, because we all looked at the hand.
Unknown Speaker 2:41
Yeah.
Trevor Noah 2:41
And you look and you're like, oh, okay. We know who this isn't.
Unknown Speaker 2:46
Yeah, no, no, no, no.
Trevor Noah 2:46
And then they were like a light-skinned man. I was like, uh-uh, guys. Uh-uh, guys. Let's not.
Unknown Speaker 2:50
No, also, I don't want to, like, cast aspersions on my people, but the time of day, I knew they weren't black. too early to be doing hits like no no damn we're not because you know at the beginning shots fired in the studio no no we thought it was like some elaborate like they hired an assassin yes yes and i feel like any black assassins out there probably work between 11 a.m and 8 p.m and
Christiana 3:18
I do not stand by any of these statements. I do not. I'm just saying. I won't let a black comedian woman make jokes about black people.
Unknown Speaker 3:30
I didn't say we'd be late. I'm just saying that our working hours would be slightly different.
Trevor Noah 3:37
You know what? I'm not happy that anything happened the way it did. However, I do think, you know, because we grew up very religious, all three of us, that sometimes we are blessed in certain ways. I was chatting to Christiana about this, Josh, and I was like, oh, man, I wonder if we're going to talk about it on the podcast. And Christiana was like, but we can't. She was like, we cannot because he hasn't been caught and there is no third act to the story. He started teasing me. No, I was like, we know that an assassin shot the CEO. We know that he's on the run, but we don't know how it concludes.
Christiana 4:05
We haven't found him.
Trevor Noah 4:06
We haven't found him. And now we have found the suspect. I will say this, the suspect, because maybe he's not, and maybe he will be found innocent.
Josh 4:17
Can I interject with one other thing that is about this media frenzy that is a joy to watch? It starts out with something bad, but just maybe we'll get there. Maybe you'll cut this whole thing. It's up to you.
Trevor Noah 4:30
We're not cutting anything from this episode. Everything we use is staying in this episode. Everything. And if you are listening to this episode, you know terms and conditions. Anything you listen to beyond this point, terms and conditions apply. You have agreed.

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