Abbie Chatfield

I was writing the book.

I was feeling okay.

I was like, I actually feel okay for the first time in weeks.

And then I get a call from my manager saying, Hey, we've got this email saying this.

And it's like that, that trains your brain to expect crazy

illogical things to happen every time you get relaxed.

So I think my brain is scared to be relaxed because as soon as I get relaxed, every single time for the past year, every single time I feel like I've gotten through something that's been fucking insane – and again, there's a lot of personal stuff that you guys don't know about – literally the day that something ends –

Something else starts on this.

I've not had a full day of calm and getting emails like this.

It makes me extra paranoid because I go, oh, you guys are just concocting things up and you're you're asking.

I know that they're asking around places that I've worked.

Um, there have been, people have told me that there have been reporters asking around for evidence of me doing things that I would never do, that I have never done, that there's no evidence for them to do this.

But as soon as I get someone that's a quote unquote well-placed source, which they could just make up or could be a friend of theirs that works at wherever I've worked, um,

then we get emails and it's just like people don't get – they're like, just ignore it.

It's like, no, no, no, this is like actively ruining my life and there's people that are out to ruin my life and my career.

I don't care if they're making fun of my – go back to making fun of my body.

Like say that I'm fat.

Do you know what I mean?

Like say that I'm ugly.

Say that I've got – I need my ears pinned back like I used to.