Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
It's a Lot is recorded on Gadigal land. We pay our respects to the traditional custodians of this land and to elders past and present. We also would love to extend our respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people listening today and remind you all that sovereignty was never ceded and it always was and always will be Aboriginal land.
It's a Lot. It's a Lot.
Hey, everybody. I feel like I haven't spoken to you all about. what's happening with me in a while. So we're going to do a little asking anything, but as you can hear, I'm not feeling the best mentally. Um, it's been a really, really awful few weeks and I don't want to give it too much airtime and, um, I want to thank you all for all your kind messages and everything.
But it's really been awful in the media. For any of you who don't follow me on social, some of you just listen to the podcast, which is crazy, or any international people. There has just been ā
in my opinion, a really intense targeted smear campaign against me in the media and there have been stories that I've been asked to comment on that are just completely fictitious and even with us responding saying this is fictitious, they still respond saying, well, we're going to post it anyway. Anyway, I have just been really ā Yeah, like beaten down by all of this. And it just feels like.
I'm just like under layers of sludge and can't get out and like can't get a breath in. And I'm stuck between acknowledging it and talking about it in depth and then allowing more headlines to happen because of me talking about the headlines. Like if I say anything right now, positive or negative, it turns into a headline. So it's really hard. It's like do I say something about it?
Do I call it out and then get the support from all of you and not feel as crazy and as gaslit? Or do I just stay quiet about it and just like keep on and I just don't know what to do? I don't know which path to take. And I don't think anyone ā understands what it's
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Chapter 2: What are the challenges faced by the host recently?
like, um, there are certain people that do, but there's not really, um, yeah, it's been really fucking crazy. And I feel like all of the responses that I get from people are just don't say anything controversial, just be quiet. And it's like, I have been being quiet. Like every comment on these posts, like you report, you saw, it's like, look through my content, genuinely look through my content.
Look what I've been posting. I'm really not trying to sew anything. I'm literally at home doing watercolours, soft pastels, coming in, doing the podcast, interviewing people that we really like to talk to. But it's just been really fucked.
And maybe some of you ā I don't think anyone can understand what the media element is like, but I'm sure a lot of you can understand what it's like to have the feeling of being trapped under ā the sludge and like not being able to like see um how to get out of like which ways like up and um so yeah I don't know how to get out of this I feel like I've had like a um
dorsal nervous system collapse, like a full nervous system collapse because of all of this. And I've spent... See, I'm scared to even say this, but I guess in the podcast it feels like a safer space. But I've spent...
past like few weeks just like sleeping all day or I can't sleep and I can't eat and I don't feel stupid even crying about it but I don't know maybe I'm sure people have gone through very different things and they've ended up in this space but I guess I wanted to talk about it
not to harp on about how I've been feeling, um, even though I'm now I'm crying, but just to talk about like, I guess how I'm getting through it. Um, cause I've never felt this bad, um, mentally. Um, in my life because it feels like it's been like one thing after the other, one huge insane thing. And it all comes out of nowhere. Like these media pylons, it's like, I'm not doing anything.
And people again say, just don't post anything controversial. It's like the things that the headlines are about are from years ago, a year ago. I don't know what to do anymore. But what I do know is that eventually I, I will feel better, whether it's because they've stopped or because I've just got a new level of resilience to it. I don't know.
I've been experiencing this since I was 23 and that's a really crazy thing to think about, me being 23 and going through all of this media stuff. I remember one of the first articles I ever saw about myself was saying that I had a love child, a secret love child on The Bachelor because I didn't have an entirely flat stomach.
What?
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Chapter 3: How does the media impact mental health?
And when you think about it, there's no media to combat this. In the US they have CNN, which is, you know, combating what Fox is doing and Fox is combating what CNN is doing. And there's different ā angles that are shown in mainstream media. But in Australia, when you think about it, there isn't really that. And they've really amped things up lately toward me. And I will get through it.
Because like I said, either I'll build resilience to it, or it will stop. Because I Every day it's gotten a little bit easier, I guess. I had a bit of a hard moment a couple of weeks ago that you will read about in the book, not to do a bit of promo, a bit of plugging, but I've written about it in the book. And every day since then has just been absolute hell. Like I can't even explain what ā
It feels like just pure panic every night before I go to bed, every morning when I wake up, all day, every day, waiting to see what the media are going to do, what words of mine are going to be twisted. It's just really exhausting. But the point is...
that if you're feeling like you're under the sludge, then I want you to remember that A, life is very long and B, how you feel isn't going to be linear. But I think that when you've had something awful happen, something traumatizing happen, every day that you get further away from it, sometimes it's going to feel worse than the actual day that it's happened.
Sometimes it's going to feel better, but I feel like I've been trying to track my progress emotionally by, is this at least better than the worst part of what I went through a couple of weeks ago? And that might be really dark to think about it that way, but that's like the only thing getting me through these past couple of weeks. And, um, There are also other things going on.
Again, you'll read about it in the book, but there's a lot of stuff that I don't share really anymore on the podcast. I used to do really hour-long conversations about mental health and about what was going on in my life, and I really have stopped sharing that. I want to start sharing it again. It's just ā
I'm now in this weird minefield where if I speak about mental health, even not in reference to the media, it will be Abby Chatfield devastated after and they'll make up a reason.
Break silence. Any of these sorts of click-baity headlines.
Yeah, and they're the reason why I feel this way. But I guess if you're feeling this way as well, and I'm sure a lot of you are, unfortunately, Dallin, sorry, we're all one and the same on this podcast. But, you know, I just want to let you know that, you know, it's important to track your progress through just incrementally. I don't think ā I've kind of let myself ā
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of feeling 'under the sludge'?
It's gotten particularly like you guys are not just like using a weird photo. You're like taking things completely out of context and then saying that I said something and then you let your audience assume things.
Yeah.
But so I don't expect myself to get better. But what I have been doing, and maybe this could be good for any anxious or ADHD girlies, what I have been doing is letting myself just feel better. like shit. And I feel like a lot of the time, I actually started writing a subtext about this, but I'm going to maybe release it next week.
I've been too depressed to write, but I feel like usually I'm like, okay, cool. Like I feel like shit, but if I get moving, if I get out of the house or if I go to the gym or if I go for a swim or, you know, watch a TV show or something that I can like bounce back from it, but that isn't happening at the moment.
And I think that because that isn't happening and not like bouncing back, I'm feeling way more It's making me feel more depressed because I'm like, oh, I'm doing things that are meant to help and they're not helping. And I feel really hopeless and lost and in a lot of despair about my mental health. And like I said, I just can't really see a way out.
But what actually has helped me a little bit is. was so when you have a bit of a nervous system breakdown, which is what I think happened, you go into dorsal vagal and then you have to go up through your sympathetic. Do you know this, Amy? No. Okay, so there's this theory about your nervous system Is it a fact? Is it a theory?
I think it's fact, you know, but then I guess we do call scientific theories theories. So I'm going to stay with theory. But when you have like a big crash or a big depressive episode, there's your dorsal vagal. Let me just get this up actually. I'll show you a thing. So it's a polyvagal theory.
I'm going to explain this with the correct terminology right now because I've got a little thing up, a little diagram.
But so I've gone into my dorsal vagal system, which is essentially when you're super depressed, you're shut down, you don't want to eat, you just sleep all day, you're exhausted, you have extreme fatigue, you're in despair, hopelessness, you like can't socialize, you're not horny at all, you're like turned off basically, like you are, you're powered down.
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Chapter 5: How can one cope with depression and anxiety?
I don't, I can't tell you what it is.
Do you know what it is? No, I have no idea. I just was like. You just told me about this off air. Yeah. And I'm just ā I'm so glad to hear that you guys ā because then you guys haven't been able to spend that much time together recently either.
No, I haven't seen him in like six weeks probably.
Yeah.
And then, yeah, and then, you know, he gets home and I'm fucking depressed. It's like it's not fun for anyone involved. So he's taking me away. But even that I'm like anxious about how I'm going to feel on ā On the plane. Even last night he was like, I've organised a sauna for us and a cold plunge, which I know that women aren't supposed to do cold plunges, but it does feel really nice.
Sorry, guys. Wait, we aren't? Yeah, so apparently, word around town is that the tests done were obviously all on men. Oh, classic. And women have a naturally...
lower body temperature and so it actually raises our cortisol more and can make us more stressed apparently that's what i've heard again this could be one study it could be i don't know but apparently we aren't supposed to do cold plunges but i'm not letting that i actually really like it i did one in tassie and i loved it yeah it's really nice it's really good
But even then I was like I couldn't go with him last night to the sauna because I was like I know that if I get too hot I'm going to have a panic attack, which is crazy. Because it's just the sensory overwhelm. And you know what else it is? I fucking have stopped taking my fucking Dexys. That's the other issue. And I took one this morning and I do feel a bit better this morning, a bit better.
But I stupidly ā is it stupid? I don't know. I stopped eating so that I stopped taking my Dexys because ā It can affect your appetite, right?
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Chapter 6: What role does social media play in mental health struggles?
are they going to do a story about a video that I've done and twist it and change it? Like, am I going to get another onslaught of abuse because some random right wing freak makes a video about me? Like, as I do every day, by the way, I go, guys, I literally like, how is there this much content about me? I'm like, you're fucking obsessed. It's really strange. Um, and yeah,
It's just fucking awful. And again, I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this, not the media aspect, but the waking up and going, what the fuck is going to happen today? And then I also think that I might have OCD. This is another thing that I'm fucking looking into that I need to go to a clinic for.
But the issue is the other issue with mental health, God, sorry, this is a mental health podcast now. But the other issue is that like, I want to go to a new therapist, an additional therapist, like an OCD specialist, because I think that I have rumination OCD.
Right.
Which I've had conversations with some professionals about it in a non-professional context.
Because it's quite common for it to be, I don't know, concurrent, I don't know if that's the right word, with ADHD, right?
Yes, yes, comorbidity.
Yes, that's the word, yeah.
I think is the word, yes. So I have like really bad need, a really bad need for like checking. Like if I have a thought, for example, if I, what I've been doing the past few weeks, like what I've been doing is like, I have a thought that I, oh, someone, I think about a video that I made
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Chapter 7: How can we track emotional progress during tough times?
What impacts me is the headlines and the lies that it's like, oh, I feel like I'm under attack constantly. The actual messages I get, I go, like you're an adult person, like ā like mocking someone else that you don't know and you can't even articulate why. Like if I reply to them and I go, hey, what's your issue with me? They can't even articulate it.
And it's fine to not like me but like to go out of your way to send me messages because you want to feel smug and important. It's like you aren't even guided by morality and you aren't even guided by genuine ā
issue with what i'm saying again some of them are but it feels like as a whole it's just it's children mocking it's children well it's it's very playground in that it's like oh i want to be part of this club yeah there's there's so much of this like tribalism and then when you think about how much online spaces have changed where like you've now got all of these people who run you know meta and
X, like all of these big social media companies that now distribute, like the media landscape has changed that this is the way that people are getting news distributed to them. They're at Trump's inauguration.
Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's all aligned. Yeah. It's all, and the most powerful people in the world are all, as that article said, losers. And it's like all of you are just trying to gain social capital. Can you imagine, let's give an example. There's currently an Ebola outbreak. in the Democratic Republic of Congo that is quickly developing and is killing hundreds of people.
And Ebola has like a 30% to 50% death rate, I believe. And why can't one of these billionaires ā Imagine if they gave a couple of hundred million dollars and they prevented the Ebola outbreak. Yeah. That would give you more validation than making an AI bot take clothes off a child. You know what I mean? Yeah. That would actually make you like one of the most impactful people in the world.
And if all you want is for people to love you, which is what it seems like all these guys want. Yes. You could do that. Maybe do be a net good to society.
Yeah. You could easily do that. Yeah. Yet none of them are. None of them do. They're actually more interested in techno-feudalism. And the other issue with the Ebola thing is ā that USAID has been taken away. And USAID basically started with JFK started it, I think. And it's basically a program that is essentially good PR for the US where they give funding for, I mean, aid, obviously, USAID.
And they help prevent outbreaks of diseases because it also benefits the rest of the world, including America. if there aren't worldwide pandemics or there aren't dangers in terms of medical issues and spreading of diseases and viruses. So that funding got cut by Trump and now there is the Ebola outbreak, which ā They are saying they don't have the right protective gear.
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Chapter 8: What are the effects of ADHD on mental health?
you talk about it or you don't talk about it and then you have a distraction for a moment and your body and your nervous system, taking it back to that, can at least feel calm for a little bit.
And even if it's not that you feel amazing, like I had Carmen's birthday on the weekend and I didn't feel great but like we had a really nice time and had like lots of laughs and I laughed for the first time in like a week and I felt I went home and I took stock of that I felt better after seeing my friends.
You know, I was like, okay, remember that you do feel better after seeing Carmen and all of her friends. Remember that you do feel better.
Yeah.
Because it's very easy to isolate. And, like, I've still been, like, isolating a lot and not answering the phone. But I think... Even if I'm making little steps and little bits of effort to see people that I know will make me feel better. Or at least if there's like a hope of it. Because maybe it will make you feel worse going out for a walk with your friend or calling him up.
It might make you feel worse. But like you also can always bail. And I've not once needed to bail when I've been feeling like this. I've always...
been able to keep pushing on through because the reality is you also can just get so stuck in your head that you feel like you're like it's crazy you feel like you're just like trapped in a whole other alternate reality and just helps you break out of that the rumination yeah yeah yeah because the rumination is the it's the it's the worse it's like you just can't get out of the thought pattern and then because you're it's like a feedback loop i think
Where like my brain is anxious about something and then my body feels anxious. And maybe the thing that my brain was anxious about, let's say, for example, the video thing, even if I have quote unquote checked to a certain degree, even though it's not even there, but if I had gone to look for something and I go, okay, well, it's not there. So I guess it hasn't happened yet.
I still think that's going to happen. But then my body feels anxious. Then my brain goes, well, why are you feeling anxious? And then it tries to find a reason. And then it's a feedback loop back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. My body feels anxious. My brain feels anxious. My brain feels anxious. My body feels anxious. And it just gets worse and worse and worse and worse and worse.
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