Abby Wambach

I'm looking for urgent care.

So there's this whole line behind me.

I'm like getting very upset.

Like, get your shit in a pile.

The people behind me are like, yeah, this is I mean, why isn't he in the system if he was born here?

And I'm like, yeah.

So I'm getting a little vocal and they keep looking.

They keep looking.

Anyway, they finally find him.

And I'm like, well, thank you.

At which point they announced to me and the whole line, because obviously they're very annoyed, too, that that is not, in fact, my son's birthday.

Oh my God.

And that is why they couldn't find him because they didn't know his birthday.

Wrong info.

I know what he was doing when he left the room.

He had to go talk to the other nurses and be like, she's infected her child with spray tan orange.

He's like, you know that orange chick that just walked in?

She's like, you know, see that fluorescent orange that's around your kid's mouth.

Well, this is a good segue because this is kind of like we're now easing into body functions, body parts of mortified stories.

And we're going to hear, I think, a few of them in voicemails from pod squatters.