Adam Grant

The tree has confused giving with self-sacrifice.

And it almost seems like the tree is the most extreme people pleaser you could possibly imagine.

I'm going to neglect whatever my own needs are in order to say yes to whatever this boy asks for.

And then you will believe how much I love you.

The Giving Tree illustrates a familiar problem in life and at work, the temptation to say yes to everyone and everything.

We think it makes us likable and promotable.

But if you want to build balanced relationships and achieve your goals, you need to master the art of saying no.

I'm Adam Grant, and this is Work Life, my podcast with Ted.

I'm an organizational psychologist.

I study how to make work not suck.

In this show, we explore how to unlock the potential in people and workplaces.

Today, why it's so hard to say no, and how we can get better at setting boundaries.

For a long time, I was a people pleaser.

I bent over backward to say yes to as many people and as many requests as I could.

I thought that was core to being a kind, giving person.

But I was overextending myself.

I knew it was bad when I started wondering if I needed to schedule calls with my friends because I was too busy helping randos.

Then I read research suggesting that the root of chronic people pleasing is not concern for others.

It's concern for their approval.

In other words, it's not about them.