What it costs to pass down a language
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hey, everyone. It's Adam Grant. I host a podcast called Rethinking about the science of what makes us tick. This season, we're talking to philosopher and author Alain de Botton about how to build character and lead meaningful lives.
If you're going to be an elitist, please could you be an elitist about the really important things, you know, which is, is someone kind? Is someone nice? Is their soul open? Are they thoughtful? And maybe we can afford to pass judgment, as it were, on where people are according to this scale of values.
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I won't get another chance to help them learn Arabic for the sake of them being connected to this massive heritage that they're inheriting. So in that context, it has to happen now. And if you're going to ask me how important is it that they get that connection, I'm going to tell you it's everything.
I'm Reem Ahraes, and welcome to This is Uncomfortable. Like a lot of kids of immigrants, I grew up with parents who tried really hard to hold on to our culture. Like, every Sunday, they drove me and my siblings to Islamic school. And every summer, if they could afford it, they'd send us abroad to be with family to learn Arabic. While I'm not a parent yet, I do think a lot about what kind of things I'd want to pass on someday and what it would take to actually do that, not just emotionally, but financially. Which is what I'm talking about this week with journalist Ayman Ismail. Ayman is a writer and podcast host at Slate, where he reports on politics, religion, and parenting. He also came out with a memoir recently called Becoming Baba, which is about how he navigates identity and fatherhood as a Muslim American.
Ayman and his wife have two small kids, and recently they've decided that it's really important that they send them to Islamic school, even though it's going to cost them a lot more than they'd like. Eamon agreed to sit down with me and walk through his family budget, line item by line item, and talk openly about what it costs emotionally and financially to hold on to a sense of belonging right now. Eamon, welcome to the show.
Wow, what an intro. You almost do this for a living or something.
I'm excited to talk with you, especially because we come from similar backgrounds. You've wrestled with questions that I'm sure I will someday too. So before we... Inshallah.
I don't want to get mad, Muslim.
We'll see if we keep that in. So before we get into specific numbers, I'm curious, what is driving your decision to send your kids to Islamic school? And what kind of financial conversations has that led to?
When I was growing up, the question of whether or not I would go to Islamic school when it came up with my parents had nothing to do with money. In fact, it made zero money sense. The Islamic school they chose to send us to was the local one. It was in Jersey City. So it was one town over. We were living in Newark, New Jersey, where I live today. And the tuition, I think, was around $6,000 per student. And they had four kids, so they're talking about four students.
Why is it important for Aymann Ismail to pass down Arabic to his children?
Wow. And this is full-time? This is full-time school. It's not Sunday school? Okay. So this is like a K through 12 school. So it's all the way up to the end of high school to college.
Mm-hmm.
Academically, it's pretty good. But at the same time, we really got to learn Arabic. And we also really got to understand not really the spiritual side of the religion, but the mechanics. And at the time, I was like, this is so dumb. Why are we learning to put one hand over the other? Does God really care if you put your left hand over the right hand? We were learning that side of it. Right. But as I got older, I think, I finally am at a point now where I've found the meaning in all of those years of being in Islamic school. All of that money, all of that pain and arguing. And now, you know, because now I have kids. I have two kids, alhamdulillah. And... I'm starting to feel really insecure in my ability as a parent to transfer that knowledge by myself.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:02–3:13
2
Why is it important for Aymann Ismail to pass down Arabic to his children?
3:13–6:32
3
What financial sacrifices does Aymann make to afford Islamic school?
6:32–9:01
4
How does Aymann's upbringing influence his parenting decisions?
9:01–14:31
5
What challenges does Aymann face in teaching his children Arabic?
14:31–25:02
6
How does Aymann's family budget reflect their educational priorities?
25:02–26:34
7
What conversations does Aymann have with his wife about finances?
26:34–32:56