Adam Grant

E.B.

White, the author of Charlotte's Web, once turned down an invitation by writing, "'I must decline for secret reasons.'"

An amusing or thoughtful no may well be appreciated more than a thoughtless yes, as Sherry Liu found out.

She got in the habit of explaining her boundaries and conveying care.

She made referrals.

She learned that saying no wasn't as scary or risky as she'd expected.

It's so interesting to hear you say this as a long recovering slash mostly recovered people pleaser.

One of the things that I've been surprised by is sometimes like a clear, fast no leads people to respect me more.

We have two cats.

How'd you know?

I have to laugh at the cat comment because I'll never forget when I turned in my first book, I remember my editor reading it and saying, you know, Adam, dogs are givers and cats are takers.

No, I don't agree.

Yeah.

I think cats are, they're more selective and that means it really counts when they give.

Setting boundaries isn't a display of disrespect.

It's an expression of self-respect.

It's not about letting others down.

It's about standing up for yourself.

Saying no is not selfish.

It's an act of self-preservation.