Adam Grant

They don't want to damage the relationship. It's uncomfortable. And so they end up either biting their tongues or sugarcoating. And they're doing you a disservice. They're depriving you of a chance to learn.

They don't want to damage the relationship. It's uncomfortable. And so they end up either biting their tongues or sugarcoating. And they're doing you a disservice. They're depriving you of a chance to learn.

So what we found is that one of the ways you can get people to open up and be candid with you is actually to criticize yourself out loud and say, okay, here are the things that I think I need to get better at. And it feels a little vulnerable.

So what we found is that one of the ways you can get people to open up and be candid with you is actually to criticize yourself out loud and say, okay, here are the things that I think I need to get better at. And it feels a little vulnerable.

So what we found is that one of the ways you can get people to open up and be candid with you is actually to criticize yourself out loud and say, okay, here are the things that I think I need to get better at. And it feels a little vulnerable.

I had a leader tell me after I was describing some of the results of our experiments and how helpful it was for a boss just to say, here's the stuff I've been told I'm bad at that I'm working on. This leader said, well, I don't want to do that because I don't want the people around me to find out what I'm bad at. And I'm like, I have some news for you.

I had a leader tell me after I was describing some of the results of our experiments and how helpful it was for a boss just to say, here's the stuff I've been told I'm bad at that I'm working on. This leader said, well, I don't want to do that because I don't want the people around me to find out what I'm bad at. And I'm like, I have some news for you.

I had a leader tell me after I was describing some of the results of our experiments and how helpful it was for a boss just to say, here's the stuff I've been told I'm bad at that I'm working on. This leader said, well, I don't want to do that because I don't want the people around me to find out what I'm bad at. And I'm like, I have some news for you.

The people in your orbit, they already know what you're bad at. You can't hide it from them. You might as well get credit for having the self-awareness to see it and the humility and integrity to admit it out loud.

The people in your orbit, they already know what you're bad at. You can't hide it from them. You might as well get credit for having the self-awareness to see it and the humility and integrity to admit it out loud.

The people in your orbit, they already know what you're bad at. You can't hide it from them. You might as well get credit for having the self-awareness to see it and the humility and integrity to admit it out loud.

And that's one of the interesting findings in our data is that when you talk about your own shortcomings and your opportunities for improvement, you're not just claiming that you can handle the truth. You're actually proving you can take it. And so that gives other people the psychological safety to tell you the things that you may not want to hear, but you actually need to hear.

And that's one of the interesting findings in our data is that when you talk about your own shortcomings and your opportunities for improvement, you're not just claiming that you can handle the truth. You're actually proving you can take it. And so that gives other people the psychological safety to tell you the things that you may not want to hear, but you actually need to hear.

And that's one of the interesting findings in our data is that when you talk about your own shortcomings and your opportunities for improvement, you're not just claiming that you can handle the truth. You're actually proving you can take it. And so that gives other people the psychological safety to tell you the things that you may not want to hear, but you actually need to hear.

You don't lose anything by doing that. They don't see you as less competent. They actually, in some cases, see it as a sign of confidence. Like, wow, you must be really secure in what you're already good at and in your ability to grow that you're willing to talk about what you're bad at.

You don't lose anything by doing that. They don't see you as less competent. They actually, in some cases, see it as a sign of confidence. Like, wow, you must be really secure in what you're already good at and in your ability to grow that you're willing to talk about what you're bad at.

You don't lose anything by doing that. They don't see you as less competent. They actually, in some cases, see it as a sign of confidence. Like, wow, you must be really secure in what you're already good at and in your ability to grow that you're willing to talk about what you're bad at.

And I think it's something that we don't do often enough. And so it feels scary and it really hurts when somebody does level with us. If you only have a quarterly performance review, or if you only find out how you're letting your partner or your spouse down when you're in the middle of a rare, nasty fight, this is the kind of thing that you never really build thick enough skin to handle. Yeah.

And I think it's something that we don't do often enough. And so it feels scary and it really hurts when somebody does level with us. If you only have a quarterly performance review, or if you only find out how you're letting your partner or your spouse down when you're in the middle of a rare, nasty fight, this is the kind of thing that you never really build thick enough skin to handle. Yeah.

And I think it's something that we don't do often enough. And so it feels scary and it really hurts when somebody does level with us. If you only have a quarterly performance review, or if you only find out how you're letting your partner or your spouse down when you're in the middle of a rare, nasty fight, this is the kind of thing that you never really build thick enough skin to handle. Yeah.