Alain De Botton

At the very beginning, we're so aware of somebody's perfections.

And true love seems to be about accepting the whole person, you know, the strong points and the weak points.

And you know how in the early days of love, you don't just admire somebody, you're charmed by things about them that are a little bit flawed, like maybe they've got a gap in their front teeth, so an orthodontist wouldn't think they were perfect.

But like, you love that gap, or, you know, you go home with them, and it turns out they've got an old pair of pyjamas, and they wear them when they're sick, and they've got bear prints on them, and they don't look, you know, they wouldn't win a fashion award.

But

That's charming too.

And so there's this idea that love is about accepting a whole person.

But this sets up such a dangerous precedent because it means that when you get into the relationship, let's say three months in, you're having breakfast cereal.

One of you has been out to buy something kind of nutty and granolary.

And you're kind of listening to your partner and you're thinking, what's that funny noise?

And you suddenly turn to your partner and you're in a slightly bad mood.

And you go, you know what?

You sound like a cow, you know.

And the partner turns around and goes...

oh my God, you're criticizing me.

I thought you loved me.

And you want to go, no, no, I do love you.

It's just, there's this kind of odd thing going on, this like bovine way in which you're eating the cereal.

And romanticism tells us this is a catastrophe for love.

It's a sign, you know, and, you know, love gives us a ringside seat on another person's floors.