Alain De Botton

But there tends to be a moment in a relationship.

And it's interesting you mentioned that it happens over sex.

Often it is over sex where, you know, you've shared lots of lovely, intimate things with your partner and, you know, you know that they're your soulmate.

And then suddenly you say to them something like, you know what?

I want to try that slightly kinky thing where, like, we could invite somebody else to join us, et cetera.

And suddenly your partner is looking really hurt and surprised and ashen.

And you look at them and you think, I love this person.

And you're at a fork in the road.

And one fork goes off to the land of honesty and the other fork goes to the land of love.

And which one are you going to go down?

Well, if you love someone, you're going to go down the land of love and you will –

have to edit yourself.

Look, I think the idea of being fully yourself is a treat that you should probably spare anyone that you really care about because it's quite troubling.

You should edit yourself.

Editing yourself belongs to love.

It's not done out of a desire to lie.

It's done out of a desire to protect and I think ultimately love.

So this is diplomacy, really.

Diplomacy and politeness, which gets a terribly bad name.

The view is, if you're a true lover, don't be polite, just be honest.