Alain De Botton

But the point is, how long do we want to let that continue?

At some point, we have to seize the reins and go, now I'm an adult.

And part of adulthood means not surrendering my power to decide my worth always to random external authorities.

I mean, again, in relationships, people get into terrible trouble because they stick around people who beam back occasionally.

terribly negative image of them.

And they go, I've got to spend another decade persuading this person that I'm a worthwhile human being.

And you think, no, you don't.

If you are not getting back an image that you like and that broadly agrees with your sensible reasons for your own assessment and sense of worth, get out.

Don't be around such a situation.

We do so much of giving up to others something that should be self-generated.

And we get into terrible trouble because of that.

Well, it's about whether you allow somebody else to determine what your worth is.

We're talking about childhood and the way that children will sort of look to their parents or those around them to decide whether they're a good person or a bad person.

I'm inclined to be quite generous towards that word victim.

People go, oh, that person feels victimized, et cetera.

And I want to start by going, let's not put them in a- Let's not label them.

Let's not label them.

Let's not treat them as bad people, et cetera.

I think all of us, I mean, what do we mean by victimhood?

Let's say I go outside and it's the third time I've left the house.