Alain De Botton

I'm really just holding it together because that's much truer to who we actually are.

That is what an honest view of love is.

Well, well, well, well.

I do want to stick up for the notion that changing...

a partner is a legitimate part of love.

I mean, we should, in a good relationship, we should change one another.

We should soften each other's rougher edges.

We should be able to point stuff out and we should be able to be heard.

And I think the bad relationships are those where any attempt to teach a partner about anything is seen as a betrayal or an insult, like, you know, crossed arms and self-righteousness, like, don't lecture me.

And I think, you know, it really helps if we can gently try and

I don't want to say that every relationship is worth staying in.

I think the thing that decides it is if you can look at your partner and consider all the things that are wrong in your life and the things that are making you unhappy, and if you can honestly say, you know what, the predominant share of everything that's wrong in my life really is my partner's fault.

In that case, get out.

There's no need to stay.

That partner is dragging you down.

But if hand on heart, you look at your partner and you look at the things that are bitter and sad about your life,

Then, and you say, well, you know, they might follow me into a next relationship.

I'm not sure that I can neatly pin all my problems to this person.

Then don't leave.

Because it's almost like you're encountering the bitterness of life in the company of another human being.